jenko Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 ^^^^ That's not funny........... it's soooooo true though. Together with 90% of what's in the garage. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 Hope the Horse can swim... 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 13, 2023 Share Posted August 13, 2023 Welcome to the fourth meeting of the Clairvoyants' Society. Item 1 on the agenda: the minutes of next month's meeting. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 14, 2023 Share Posted August 14, 2023 Ah well, you know what they say: no pain, no French bread. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tzulscha Posted August 14, 2023 Share Posted August 14, 2023 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted August 15, 2023 Share Posted August 15, 2023 Is a lorry designed to carry hellium gas lighter or heavier when full? 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted August 15, 2023 Share Posted August 15, 2023 Yes. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArnoldAmbrose Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 7 hours ago, Circloy said: Is a lorry designed to carry hellium gas lighter or heavier when full? Gidday, if the helium is a gas at atmospheric pressure and temperature I'd imagine that the overall weight would be lighter. If however the helium is transported as a gas at high pressure or as a liquid then heavier. I know I'm being serious in a joke thread - sorry. 🙂 Regards, Jeff. 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 10 hours ago, Circloy said: lighter or heavier when full? Lighter or heavier than what? If the tank has air in it when "empty", lighter. If it has vacuum in it, and so is genuinely empty, heavier. But it may depend how many swallows are involved, and whether they're African or European. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArnoldAmbrose Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 9 minutes ago, pigsty said: But it may depend how many swallows are involved, and whether they're African or European. Which would depend on location, as African swallows aren't migratory. 😁 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratch Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 Swallows and Amazons, surely 🤔 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootneck Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 stop calling me Shirley 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 Is a fear of giants Fee-Fi-Fobia? 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 1 hour ago, pigsty said: Is a fear of giants Fee-Fi-Fobia? The fear or female Ogres - Fee-Fi-Fiona 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 and is the fast food industry riddled with Free-Fries-Phobia 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 On 8/15/2023 at 10:49 PM, Circloy said: Is a lorry designed to carry helium gas lighter or heavier when full? If you threw in a lighted match it would definitely be lighter! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted August 16, 2023 Share Posted August 16, 2023 34 minutes ago, Welkin said: If you threw in a lighted match it would definitely be lighter! Helium is an inert gas. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted August 17, 2023 Share Posted August 17, 2023 22 hours ago, bentwaters81tfw said: Helium is an inert gas. Quite right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 I know a man who owns a telescope. I can never remember his name. So I just call him Seymour. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnick Posted August 19, 2023 Share Posted August 19, 2023 Shamelessly "borrowed" from another forum! Nick 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince1159 Posted August 21, 2023 Share Posted August 21, 2023 My son rented a van last weekend and a sticker on the windscreen said "all rubbish must be removed from this car on return",boy was i tempted to fill it up with crisp packets and sweet wrappers and point out to them it's a VAN not a car.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 From the Comedy Fringe at Edinburgh this year I really cant believe the joke that got the best joke in Fringe award - I read it in the Beano or on a Christmas cracker in the 1950's Mind you it would get rated highly with you lot ! The results:- Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe 1 I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen Never an old groan emoji when you need one 2 The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock 3 Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill 4 When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa 5 I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham 6 How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender 7 My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift 8 I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron 9 Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone 10 My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted August 22, 2023 Share Posted August 22, 2023 My faves of those: #2, #6 and #9 Thanks for sharing! Mark 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted August 23, 2023 Share Posted August 23, 2023 A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?" "At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching porn!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 24, 2023 Share Posted August 24, 2023 On 8/19/2023 at 8:19 PM, Pete in Lincs said: I know a man who owns a telescope. I can never remember his name. So I just call him Seymour. Up until the mid-sixties there really was an optician in Edinburgh called Frank Seymour. 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now