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^^^^ That's not funny........... it's soooooo true though. 

Together with 90% of what's in the garage.

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7 hours ago, Circloy said:

Is a lorry designed to carry hellium gas lighter or heavier when full?

Gidday, if the helium is a gas at atmospheric pressure and temperature I'd imagine that the overall weight would be lighter. If however the helium is transported as a gas at high pressure or as a liquid then heavier. I know I'm being serious in a joke thread  -  sorry. 🙂  Regards, Jeff.

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10 hours ago, Circloy said:

lighter or heavier when full?

Lighter or heavier than what?  If the tank has air in it when "empty", lighter.  If it has vacuum in it, and so is genuinely empty, heavier.  But it may depend how many swallows are involved, and whether they're African or European.

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On 8/15/2023 at 10:49 PM, Circloy said:

Is a lorry designed to carry helium gas lighter or heavier when full?

If you threw in a lighted match it would definitely be lighter!

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My son rented a van last weekend and a sticker on the windscreen said "all rubbish must be removed from this car on return",boy was i tempted to fill it up with crisp packets and sweet wrappers and point out to them it's a VAN not a car....

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From the Comedy Fringe at Edinburgh this year


I really cant believe the joke that got the best joke in Fringe award - I read it in the Beano or on a Christmas cracker in the 1950's


Mind you it would get rated highly with you lot !  :D


The results:-


Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe

1 I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen  Never an old groan emoji when you need one

2 The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock

3 Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill

4 When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa

5 I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

6 How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender

7 My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift

8 I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron

9 Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone

10 My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx

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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?" "At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching porn!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.

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On 8/19/2023 at 8:19 PM, Pete in Lincs said:

I know a man who owns a telescope. I can never remember his name. So I just call him Seymour.

Up until the mid-sixties there really was an optician in Edinburgh called Frank Seymour.

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