pigsty

Definite: I said, I can’t hear you Diagnostic: not really believing in the Welsh Doorknob: a bouncer

Cacti: really rubbish neckwear Camp bed: “ooh, just look at the pillows on that!” Capitalism: SHOUTING ON THE INTERWEB

If we’re talking poetry that doesn’t work, here’s an old classic to the tune of The Star-Spangled Banner: Be kind to your web-footed friends For a duck may be somebody’s mother She lives all alone in a swamp Where the weather is cold and damp You may think that this is the end Well it is

Baltimore: second helpings of curry Barrier: more like Barry Bigamy: I’ve put on weight, haven’t I?

Aerodrome: a chocolate bar that tastes the same whichever end you eat it from Algorithm: dancing seaweed Appointment: cream for the relief of iPhone thumb

Ah, good - Uxbridge English Dictionary … Hoarding: a tart’s doorbell Wouldn’t it: primitive breast implant Allegro: one side of a millipede

Possibly. But ZP801 for the RAF's first (P-8) Poseidon shows they're not just doing history.

Evening Robert You could try dropping Jim Chapman a line. Recently he's been bringing little bags of bombs to shows to give away, and some of them look as though they might be the right sort of size. Although it occurs to me, I'm not sure what scale you want.

Not entirely. I can proof-read a hundred-page document in an afternoon and render drivel into useable English - in fact, in my job I often have to. Incidentally, this service is available at stupidly low rates to any magazine editor who's reading this and hasn't yet kicked the screen in.

I’ve been trying to give up smoking. One helpful trick is to smoke only after meals. It’s starting to work - I’m down to forty meals a day.

No indeed, and one of the hitches for mine is the markings - where did you find yours? Lovely kit, and nice grass too,

Do you know, I don't think any Thunderchief was painted that way. A few Phantoms, a lot of the gunships, but not these, obvious though it seems. Might make a good what-if, that.

Here’s my latest, Monogram’s old F-105G from the Revell box. By a strange coincidence it’s almost exactly the same Caracal markings as zebra’s recent Hobby Boss job: the 128th TFS, part of the Georgia ANG at Dobbins, in the very early 1980s. It even has the same wrap-around colour scheme and weasel teeth. If there are any differences in camouflage layout, we can both plead that no-one knows what the underside should look like. At least, that’s what the instructions said in the Caracal decals. I found some of their suggestions a bit unconvincing, though, and bodged it myself. The only other addition to the kit was a Master pitot. This has been the usual Monogram experience of good detail and dodgy fit. Of the Monogram kits I’ve done now, this had the least promising cockpit, but even through those big canopies its weaknesses don’t show too badly. Just because I’m short of things to wind me up, I rescribed the panel lines. The single trickiest area is the intakes. The sugar-scoop section forward is deeper than the tunnel behind it, which gives you a noticeable step between the two. I fixed that with a section of yogurt pot faired in to cover the joint - which I then cocked up by not supporting the extra plastic properly, and having to add more filling-and-sanding. And it shows only if you look down the intakes at just the right angle. But I know I’ve done it. It turns out a Muller Fruit Corner has sections that are very nearly the right shape for this job. You do feel odd, going through the supermarket, inspecting all the dairy to see what the pots are made of instead of wondering about the ingredients. The other literal weak spot - on any Thunderchief kit - is the maingear legs. I couldn’t find the brass ones I’d have much preferred. There’s little you can do about the wibbly plastic legs, except stow the thing on its back, but you can reinforce the axles. The little stubs are far too short for the width of the wheels, so it’s worth adding about twice their length of the thickest wire you can fit through them. Master sells its usual nice pitot as fitting the Hobby Boss kit. Can’t vouch for that, but it definitely doesn’t fit this kit. Monogram’s pitot is a bit of a blob and the radome is shaped to match, so there was a fair bit of work to get them married up. Even then, though, the Monogram nose is that bit better shaped. And, by the look of it, they got the two-seater’s broader fin right too. The weapons are Hasegawa, not Monogram, because they’re slightly finer. Even then the fuse windows on the AGM-78 were too bulbous. The tanks are from the kit. Paint is mainly Humbrol, applied with a brush. You absolutely must add nose weight to this thing - in my case, about two square inches of roofing lead. Revell neglect to mention it. Thank you again to Abul for swapping my old F-105D for this F-105G, as well as for the big F-15 tanks.

More thank you to all. Those new pictures have answered my next question too - the ANA 606 goes across the whole span, not just up to the engines as happens with some colour schemes. Although it looks as though you get a choice of wrapping that or the ANA 608 around the leading edge. This is absolutely the scheme for me. I don’t much fancy the overall Sea Blue alternative, especially as it’s reserved for my F7F-3. This still leaves me a problem with how to paint a PV-1 and make it look different, but with my stash, I don’t have to resolve that for at least sixty years. I have the Osprey book by Jerry Scutts, and the more I look at it, the less certain I am. Still, very handy, and very interesting. Talking of interesting … Jamie, PM on its way.

You can buy hot cross buns all year round, and I'm grateful for it. And there's a very good bakery near the office in central London that sells mincemeat slices (a mince pie with nothing to keep the filling in when you bite it) alongside some cracking honey & walnut jobs. By the way, my first Christmas cakes of the year came out of the oven on Sunday. Three months' maturing is essential.