Welkin Posted June 4, 2023 Share Posted June 4, 2023 I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did. 9 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted June 5, 2023 Share Posted June 5, 2023 Apparently a team of archeologists excavated Napoleons grave but only found boney parts. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 He definitely does NOT improve with time ... 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 I've come to the conclusion that red bull gives you just enough energy to be able to throw the empty can out of the car window. 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 To make a long story short I became an editor. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted June 10, 2023 Share Posted June 10, 2023 A husband and wife have four boys, but the odd thing is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be completely honest with me. Is our youngest son my child?" The wife replies, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that, the husband passes away. The wife then mutters, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted June 14, 2023 Share Posted June 14, 2023 An oldie but gooden. I may have even posed this one before. A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves." 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 There's a variation on that one, involving a wombat and the insertion of "roots" after "eats", but probably not appropriate for a clean, family site coming to you in a plain brown envelope ... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 16 hours ago, Bullbasket said: An oldie but gooden. I may have even posed this one before. A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves." It's an old joke, bu it was also the title of a book about punctuation. Without the commas, those three words have a totally different meaning. John. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Like the world of difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma" ... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Like the one I used as a punctuation example while teaching. Apply the correct punctuation. Whats that in the road a head 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Kay Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Research about why more crows get knocked down by lorries than any other vehicle is out. It turns out that when crows are scavenging on the roads, other crows keep a look out. The report concluded that whilst most crows can shout ‘Cah’ practically none can shout ‘Lorry’. 19 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 Two thoughts: Were the crows jay-walking? If you were obsessed with crows would you be raven mad? 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 A Roman walks into a cafe holds up 2 fingers and gets 5 coffees. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnick Posted June 15, 2023 Share Posted June 15, 2023 I went to the ice cream parlour to get an ice cream. When I was asked what kind of cone I would like I replied: "Traffic"... I'll get my 🧥 Nick 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AstroCanary Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 Today, I have gone onto Amazon and I've ordered a chicken and an egg. I'll let you know. PS morning all! 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 Good news for Circus lovers. The planned strike by trapeeze artists has Been suspended. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 Yes, but by what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 Think it might still be all up in the air. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Gordon Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 I've never seen people move so fast as when the audience realised that the trapeze artist had dysentery. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnick Posted June 23, 2023 Share Posted June 23, 2023 I had a nightmare about Gloria Gaynor. First I was afraid. Then I was petrified. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted June 25, 2023 Share Posted June 25, 2023 One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted June 25, 2023 Author Share Posted June 25, 2023 Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat. The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed." The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door." Simon. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted June 26, 2023 Share Posted June 26, 2023 I've just got back from the hospital, and they tell me I have the bones of a twenty-year-old. How in hell did they find out? I made sure they were well hidden in the basement ... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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