Short Clean Jokes V

[JohnT]

18 hours ago, GordonD said:

Up until the mid-sixties there really was an optician in Edinburgh called Frank Seymour.

 

As a kid I passed that place many times  and you know I never once spotted that ! 

[GordonD]

1 hour ago, JohnT said:

 

As a kid I passed that place many times  and you know I never once spotted that ! 

Maybe you needed glasses?

[Admiral Puff]

Should have gone to Specsavers ...

[Noel Smith]

I always thought the Wrath of Khan was a Star Trek Movie.  Outer London motorists may disagree!

[pigsty]

This orange bloke with all his legal problems over in the States ... I'm just puzzled that no-one's yet referred to "trumped-up charges".

[Pete in Lincs]

I recently attended a Mexican magic show. The man said uno, dos, then vanished without a tres...

[Admiral Puff]

4 hours ago, pigsty said:

This orange bloke with all his legal problems over in the States ... I'm just puzzled that no-one's yet referred to "trumped-up charges".

Wait for it ... WAIT FOR IT ...!!

[Bullbasket]

Just for the record..........a person born in 33, was 45 in 78.

[RAF4EVER]

13 minutes ago, Bullbasket said:

Just for the record..........a person born in 33, was 45 in 78.

It's a pity  I cannot give a HaHa as well

[Pete in Lincs]

I'm going to write that one down in my album 

[JohnT]

I had to think about that one so hard to get it, my heads spinning

 

Self edit. Maybe part 2 a little too sensitive at this time

[593jones]

On 8/26/2023 at 6:32 PM, pigsty said:

This orange bloke with all his legal problems over in the States ... I'm just puzzled that no-one's yet referred to "trumped-up charges".

 

On the subject of the Orange One, I'd like to adapt a little song from The Simpsons:

 

Some folk'll never vote for Trump, but then again some folk'll,

Like Cletus the slack jawed yokel.

Edited August 27, 2023 by 593jones

[2996 Victor]

I made a grave mistake in challenging Death to a pillow fight.

 

Nothing had prepared me for the reaper cushions.....

[Noel Smith]

The orange bloke and many other contemporaries

Look at 'Spitting Image' the satirical puppet show.

[pigsty]

Raw umber, burnt umber ... does no-one round here know how to cook umber?

[Circloy]

Chef Ramsey must know after all he takes umbrage at anything raw or burnt.

[Fnick]

[Spookytooth]

Last night I was having a meal in an Indian restaurant. I was just finishing up and thinking about getting the bill when this little old lady came up to my table. She said: “You are such a lovely boy, with beautiful manners. You are a credit to your mum and dad.” Then off she toddled.

I said to the waiter: "Excuse me, but who was that?"

He said: "Ah yes sir - that’s your complimentary nan...."

 

Simon.

[Spookytooth]

My mate took two stuffed dogs to the '"Antiques Road Show".

The presenter told him "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

My mate though for a moment and said "Well, yeah...sticks."

 

Simon.

[pigsty]

Well, the kids are happy.  They'd only just gone back, but school's broken up.

[JohnT]

56 minutes ago, pigsty said:

Well, the kids are happy.  They'd only just gone back, but school's broken up.

ASDA kids back to school clothes range are now including different coloured construction hard hats and steel toe cap boots

[Fnick]

"Hang on you're doing what now?"

[Fnick]

And btw this photo has not been doctored!

[Pete in Lincs]

And then one day we decided that we were fed up with sleeping in and living in a clean house. So we had kids...

[JohnT]

4 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said:

And then one day we decided that we were fed up with sleeping in and living in a clean house. So we had kids...

We resemble that joke. More true life than comedy but add 2 German shepherds and one cat.