Short Clean Jokes V

[Spookytooth]

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

The bull started to service the cows within two days, ALL my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him but they kind of taste like peppermint.

 

 

Simon.

[psdavidson]

Why shouldn't James Bond fart in bed?

'cos he might blow his cover

[Pete in Lincs]

I'm part way through composing a Christmas joke. It's going to be a cracker!

                                             OR

Bloke at work had ten pints of yoghurt last night. He said he was Mullered.*

 

*For our overseas listeners, Muller is a brand of Yoghurt over here.

[pigsty]

"Well, Mr Jenkins, we've had your results back from the lab, and I'm afraid you've got hermes."

"Hermes?  Don't you mean herpes?"

"No, you're just a carrier."

[Pete in Lincs]

Why does Kate Bush constantly have to turn down the central heating?

Because she's 'Running up that bill'

[Chunk1724]

How Do you know if you're in an elephant's fridge?

 

Footprints in the butter

[Chunk1724]

How do you know if you're in an elephant's house?

 

His bike is in the hall

[Vince1159]

How do you know your house that you've just moved into is haunted...

 

(It's just that i got home from work and wife/kids are gone along with the cats and the dog,mother in law)....

Edited December 7, 2022 by Vince1159

[Pete Robin]

What do you call a magical dog?

A Labracadabrador.

 

Regards

Pete

[pigsty]

I crossed a Labrador with a poodle and got a Labradoodle.

I crossed a cocker spaniel with a poodle and got a cockerpoo.

Now I'm going to try crossing a bulldog with a shih-tzu.

[Ratch]

Due to the cold weather, mum's are advised to wear two pairs of pyjamas when dropping kids off/picking kids up from school.

[Kiwidave4]

My wife told me to get 6 cans of Sprite while out. When I got home, I realized I had picked 7 up.

[stevehnz]

5 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said:

My wife told me to get 6 cans of Sprite while out. When I got home, I realized I had picked 7 up.

The master returns, I've missed it.

Steve.

[Bonhoff]

Just purchased a large helium filled letter "U"

 

 

That's Mariah Carey's present sorted....

[jenko]

My lawn mower has been kidnapped. They want £100 if I want to see it again.

 

I'm being held to Ransom.

 

Dick 

[Tony C]

On 09/12/2022 at 06:49, stevehnz said:

The master returns, I've missed it.

Steve.

I've liked your post but not sure if I should have just groaned instead

[Admiral Puff]

On 12/9/2022 at 5:49 PM, stevehnz said:

The master returns, I've missed it.

Steve.

but it hasn't improved ...

[Circloy]

A Cessna 172 has been reported to have crashed vertically into a Texas cemetery. Officials have reported finding 67 bodies so far and expect the number to rise as the search area is extended.

[Kiwidave4]

How do you titillate an ocelot?

 

You ocelate its titalot.

[matford]

Father - I'm not going to do your homework for you again, it's not right.

Son - I know dad, but please carry on and do your best won't you.

[Circloy]

Why does Rudolf have a red nose.

 

 

Who wouldn't if they spent a night on the tiles with Santa

[Spookytooth]

My dad said that condoms don`t work....

 

 

Simon.

[RAF4EVER]

15 minutes ago, Spookytooth said:

My dad said that condoms don`t work....

 

 

Simon.

He was right.😈

[matford]

A majestic Rolls-Royce was reversing into a parking space in London, when a grubby little Mini nipped into the space from behind.

The Mini's owner, a brash young man, got out and strolled past the Rolls-Royce saying, 'You have to be young and fast to do that.'

The enormous car's owner did not look at the young man; he just continued reversing and squashed the Mini into a tangled head against the curb.

Then he got out and handed the astonished young man a card with his insurance details, saying, 'You have to be old and rich to do that.'

[Black Knight]

Someone told me a couple of interesting facts about Yul Brynner recently.

Apparently he was a lifelong Liverpool fan and he never used deodorant.

Yul never wore cologne