GordonD

But if you make a mess of it will you be able to look yourself in the face?

Man walking along the canal towpath when he comes across Noddy Holder, fishing. "Catch anything, Noddy?" he asks. Noddy says, "Yes, I caught a whale but I threw it back." "Whatever for?" the man asks. Noddy replies, "Half the spokes were missing."

Went to the doctor and he told me to face the window and put my tongue out. "Will that help you diagnose what's wrong with me?" I asked. He replied, "No, but I can't stand the man across the road."

My postman got the shock of his life when the door opened and I was standing there stark naked. He had no idea I knew where he lived.

Hope you're wearing your lad's hard hat.

Just read this page, tried to go back to see my other unread stuff, and got the 500 message!

Love this.

Captain America refused to apologise. The situation escalated rapidly and soon it was the biggest battle the world had ever seen.

Wife in supermarket: You can put that case of beer back, we can't afford it. Me: Well, what about this jar of face-cream for you? Wife: That's to make me look beautiful! Me: That's what the beer's for!

I have just been accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Yesterday, actually, but this, as discussed earlier: