Spookytooth Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 On 08/10/2022 at 09:17, jenko said: Pete's taking the biscuit. Not good for the digestive system or having too much rich tea. A tot or two of bourbon might be better. Dick better still if he has a break and pops over to the neighbours for a hobnob 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Do you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Two ministers died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says," I'd like to get you in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to earth until it's ready, but you can go back as anything you want. The first minister says, "I've always wanted to be a eagle soaring above our beautiful earth." "And I have always wanted to be a stud!" said the second. "So be it " says St. Peter and "POOF", the ministers disappear. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and St. peter asked his assistant to recall the two ministers. "How will I find them?" the assistant askes. "One is easy, he's soaring over the Grand Canyon right now" says St. Peter. "The other may be tough to locate though, he's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska." Simon. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 5 hours ago, JohnT said: better still if he has a break and pops over to the neighbours for a hobnob He always has been a jammy dodger. going to Greggs foe a fig role. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 Well this made me laugh anyway. Had to be the funniest thing I've read in ages. I mean who really believes this stuff. First the burning and then when I saw the art work looked like a set of colour blindness dot diagnostic charts - sorry but https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-63218704 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 Is that a picture of a spilt packet of smarties?? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 As they say, it takes all kinds ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 I clearly know nothing about art. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 Bit dotty if you ask me 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!" 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted October 15, 2022 Share Posted October 15, 2022 A covid comment from out there on the net... 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted October 17, 2022 Share Posted October 17, 2022 A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” the woman asked. “Hunting mosquitoes” He responded. “Oh, catching any?” She asked. “Yep, two males, two females” said the husband. Intrigued with this information the woman asked: “How can you tell?” Her husband quickly responded: “Two were on a beer can, two were on the phone.” Simon. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matford Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 Music to hunt mosquitoes by Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabbit Leader Posted October 18, 2022 Share Posted October 18, 2022 5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they're tenants 18 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nheather Posted October 19, 2022 Share Posted October 19, 2022 Pretty sure that a shark can swim faster than me. Confident that I can run faster than a shark. So in a Triathalon it would all come down to how well a shark can ride a bicycle. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 A priest, an imam and a rabbit all go to give blood. Before they start, the nurse asks them if they know what blood group they are. "A negative", the priest says confidently. "AB", says the imam. "I'm not sure," says the rabbit, "but I think I might be a type O." 1 22 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertie McBoatface Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 13 minutes ago, pigsty said: A priest, an imam and a rabbit all go to give blood. Before they start, the nurse asks them if they know what blood group they are. "A negative", the priest says confidently. "AB", says the imam. "I'm not sure," says the rabbit, "but I think I might be a type O." That's brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 I went into my LHS shop today and asked the proprietor,have you got ant thinner? he said, yes I've lost 10 pounds thankyou for noticing 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rabbit Leader Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 What’s Blue and not heavy? ……… Light Blue! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony C Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 On 20/10/2022 at 23:16, Rabbit Leader said: What’s Blue and not heavy? ……… Light Blue! Calling Kiwidave4... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootneck Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 On 20/10/2022 at 18:20, pigsty said: A priest, an imam and a rabbit all go to give blood. Before they start, the nurse asks them if they know what blood group they are. "A negative", the priest says confidently. "AB", says the imam. "I'm not sure," says the rabbit, "but I think I might be a type O." very subtle, I like those kind of jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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