Jump to content

Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser

Truro Model Builder

Recommended Posts

An old Fiat breaks down on a remote road.

The driver discovers he has no signal so he can’t call for help. He decides that the only thing for it is to start walking.

Just as he is heading off, a shiny new BMW stops next to him.

“Hello, are you having car trouble?”

The driver asks.

“I’m afraid so.”

The driver of the Fiat answers.

“Tell you what, my car is strong enough, I’ll tow you to the nearest garage!” Says the BMW driver.

The Fiat driver is overjoyed at this, and together they couple the little hatchback to the BMW using a rope.

As the BMW driver gets in, the Fiat driver asks him something.

“This is an old car, so please drive carefully.”.

The BMW driver nods his head.

“Just honk if I’m going too fast!”.

With that, he gets in and they drive away.

They drive for a while when suddenly a Porsche races by them.

The BMW driver doesn’t like this blow to his ego, so forgetting that he has a car in tow starts chasing the Porsche.

As they race down the road, they pass a farm.

The farmer looks at the spectacle and walks inside.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” his wife says.

The farmer replies:

“I just saw a BMW and Porsche racing, and an old Fiat honking to get past”



  • Haha 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “

“Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks,

“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,

“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther.

“I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Esther pulls away and asks him,

“What was that for?”

Abe answers,

“They’ll find us!”



  • Like 1
  • Haha 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

57 minutes ago, Pete in Lincs said:

I'm still waiting for my final exam results from the Caribbean dance academy. Basically, they've left me in limbo...


How low can they get?? 

  • Haha 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied...

"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"..

..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"




  • Haha 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:

"Will I be acquitted?"



  • Haha 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Mike locked this topic
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Create New...