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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser

Truro Model Builder

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A wealthy man and his wife are going to a function, so they decide to give the butler the night off. However, a couple of hours later the wife was bored, so she leaves the party and goes home, only to find the butler sitting alone at the table. She orders the butler upstairs to her bedroom, where she locks the door...

"Jeeves," she commands, "take off my hat."

Jeeves promptly obeys.

"Now, Jeeves," she says, "take off my dress."

He obeys.

"Now, Jeeves, please remove my underwear."

Breaking into a nervous sweat, Jeeves complies.

"Now Jeeves," the wife says, "if I should ever catch you wearing my clothes again..."




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I'm starting up a new restaurant that serves curry over chips

It's called "Curry on my Wayward Spud" and yes, there'll be peas when you are done.

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She sticks a second Flake in the ice-cream and hands it out of the van.

“There we are, sir, your double 99.  That’ll be £3.50, please.”

“Thanks very much,” he says, and starts to turn away.

She lifts an eyebrow.  “We’ve a special offer on this week if you’re interested.  I can give you a 69 at no extra charge.”

“Sorry - did you say a 69?”

“That’s right.”

“You’re saying you’ll give me a 69 for nothing?”


He thinks for less than a second.  “I’ll take it,” he says.

She reaches out, takes the ice-cream from his hand, removes one of the Flakes and sticks it back in the other way up.

“There you are,” she says.  “Enjoy.”

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7 hours ago, psdavidson said:

People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. 

The glass is refillable.

The real point is, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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On 18/07/2022 at 18:02, Pete in Lincs said:

Always keep an empty milk carton in your fridge. You never know when someone will want a black coffee.


On 21/07/2022 at 18:54, Pete in Lincs said:

A new travel guide is now available for towns with poorly laid paving. It's called trip advisor.

Barry Cryer found alive and well in Lincs with a modelling habit :rofl2:

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A girl goes into a toy shop and approaches the assistant at the dolls' counter. She sees Ken in the box priced at $19.95 and next to him is Barbie in a much bigger box priced at $299.95. "Why is there such a big difference in price between Ken and Barbie?" the girl asks the assistant. "Well, they're a divorced couple and you see the size of the box? Barbie comes complete with Ken's house, his car, his boat, his motorcycle, his savings account and the dog".   

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Fugue and Far Between


A clash of times,

the choice was stark –


the Albert Hall

for a spot of Bach


or to The Globe

for some Much Ado?


He vacillated

between the two,


unsure of which

he should embrace,


caught between baroque

and a Bard place.


Brian Bilston

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Things you don't want to hear at the "Top Gun drugs rehabilitation centre"...................................





I feel the need.... the need for speed



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