Noel Smith Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 (edited) Man caught by his wife coming out of a shop with a scantily dressed female on each arm. Wife. 'That's not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to the model shop!' Edited March 7 by Noel Smith 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Smith Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 (edited) Cribbed from a cartoon seen elsewhere. A breakaway Prince was sat on a department store Santa's lap. Santa. 'What would you like for Christmas lad?' Breakaway Prince. ' I would like a unicorn.' Santa. ' C'mon son. Be a bit more realistic!' Breakaway Prince. ' In that case I would like to be a respected member of my family again.' Santa. ' What colour unicorn would you like?' Edited March 7 by Noel Smith 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 . 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 And how many? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 https://www.npr.org/2022/12/09/1141820379/unicorn-license-girl-la-county 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Smith Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Flyboy. That link was quite heart warming to read and what a lovely response to that little girl from those people in the animal welfare department. It makes one realise the world is still full of good people. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spruecutter96 Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 How do you murder a Circus? You go for the juggler! Chris. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 You could use a tight rope. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 or set fire to their ring (a painful way to go) 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatcawthorne Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 However you do it, as a story it'll be in tents!!! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Smith Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 We might even need a safety net to catch all these jokes! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Yeah, stop clowning around 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 The fact that some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bugs me in ways that I cannot put into words..... 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 People who think they know everything are incredibly annoying to those of us that actually do. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Kids these days have no idea how to punctuate (especially not this sort of thing). I blame the parentheses. 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted March 10 Author Share Posted March 10 Two old men talking, one says "Do you know that you can get Viagra from Tesco`s now" "Over the counter ?" said the other man. "Yes, probably with two" said the first man. Simon. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Smith Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 (edited) A yobbo mob leader had Anchovy tattooed on his forehead because he could not spell Anarchy ! Edited March 10 by Noel Smith 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 6 hours ago, Noel Smith said: A yobbo mob leader had Anchovy tattooed on his forehead because he could not spell Anarchy ! I went to a local grocery store and they had Aspargus on sale. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArnoldAmbrose Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 3 hours ago, flyboy2610 said: 10 hours ago, Noel Smith said: A yobbo mob leader had Anchovy tattooed on his forehead because he could not spell Anarchy ! I went to a local grocery store and they had Aspargus on sale. This is not intended as a joke but it follows a similar vein (please, no jokes about blood vessels 🙂). Always proof-read your texts before hitting the submit button. If you're writing about a well known German fighter of WW2 make sure you don't forget the second 'm' in Messerschmitt. And don't forget the 'f' in the word 'shift'. I've done the first and nearly done the second. You can't always rely on spellcheck. Regards, Jeff. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Smith Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 (edited) Those particular mis spellings. Could be what happens when you sit there using a tablet in the WC ! Edited March 11 by Noel Smith 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stever219 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 4 hours ago, ArnoldAmbrose said: This is not intended as a joke but it follows a similar vein (please, no jokes about blood vessels 🙂). Always proof-read your texts before hitting the submit button. If you're writing about a well known German fighter of WW2 make sure you don't forget the second 'm' in Messerschmitt. And don't forget the 'f' in the word 'shift'. I've done the first and nearly done the second. You can't always rely on spellcheck. Regards, Jeff. I used to work in the Import Freight area of a well-known cross-channel ferry port and can still remember the import entry for a German-built Sch!tt-blasting machine (that was the description on the invoice) although, maybe fortunately, I never saw the machine itself! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArnoldAmbrose Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 1 hour ago, stever219 said: a German-built Sch!tt-blasting machine So it really hit the fan? (As the saying goes. 🙂) Regards, Jeff. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stever219 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 31 minutes ago, ArnoldAmbrose said: So it really hit the fan? (As the saying goes. 🙂) Regards, Jeff. Thankfully not on our watch; we left it for the night sh1(f)t!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Robin Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 My dog ate a bag full of Scrabble Tiles. Took it to the vet for treatment. When I got home, the missus said "Anything happen" "No word yet" I replied. Regards Pete 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pig of the Week Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 Charles Dickens "A Tale of Two Cities" was originally serialised in a couple of local newspapers... It was the Bicester Times and it was the Worcester Times.... 15 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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