Short Clean Jokes V

[spruecutter96]

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

A dog. 

 

(This joke has been stolen from the late, great Robin Williams. I have no idea what it means...).

 

Chris.  

  

Edited February 12, 2024 by spruecutter96
Amending some information

[Bullbasket]

A cowboy goes down to the stable, lifts his horse's tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horses anus. Another cowboy sees this and yells, "What the hell are you doing?" He replies, "I've got chapped lips." The other cowboy asks, "Does that help?" "Nope," he answers, "It just keeps me from licking them."

[Selwyn]

37 minutes ago, spruecutter96 said:

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light-bulb?

 

A dog. 

 

(This joke has been stolen from the late, great Robin Williams. I have no idea what it means...).

 

Chris.  

  

How many psycoanalyists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

Well it depends if the light bulb really wants to change!

[spruecutter96]

How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? 

 

ONE AND THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!

 

Alternative punchline: "Two. One to do it and a second to tell her how much better than a man she was". 

 

Chris. 

[spruecutter96]

How many scientists does it take to change a light-bulb? 

 

Dozens..... One to hold the bulb still and the rest to work out the best way to make the room revolve. Oh, and they need another £15 Million to do the proper research....

 

Cheers. 

 

Chris.  

[spruecutter96]

How many scale model-makers does it take to change a light-bulb? 

 

Loads..... One to fit the bulb....and hundreds to engage in an extremely heated, decade-long online debate as to what colour the light from it is.

 

(Tongue is very firmly in cheek, here. Please don't take any offence, folks!)

 

Chris. 

[Admiral Puff]

1 hour ago, spruecutter96 said:

How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? 

 

ONE AND THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!

 

Alternative punchline: "Two. One to do it and a second to tell her how much better than a man she was". 

 

Chris. 

Alternative alternative: One; plus two hundred and fifty to make the documentary.

[jenko]

7 hours ago, spruecutter96 said:

How many scale model-makers does it take to change a light-bulb? 

 

Loads..... One to fit the bulb....and hundreds to engage in an extremely heated, decade-long online debate as to what colour the light from it is.

 

(Tongue is very firmly in cheek, here. Please don't take any offence, folks!)

 

Chris. 

Also. It's the wrong wattage, wrong type of bulb, it's unusable. casts the wrong shadow. Only works for some people. The Airfix one is better because it's been scanned.

 

I could go on. Others often do. 

 

Dick

 

Off to my dooms day shelter. 

Edited February 14, 2024 by jenko

[2996 Victor]

My wife and I have decided we don't want any children.

 

We're telling them later.

[2996 Victor]

I before E

 

except when your neighbour, Keith, weirdly receives eight counterfeit beige reindeer sleighs from a caffeinated feisty foreign weightlifter.....

[spruecutter96]

8 hours ago, 2996 Victor said:

except when your neighbour, Keith, weirdly receives eight counterfeit beige reindeer sleighs from a caffeinated feisty foreign weightlifter.....

As Manuel would often say: "Que?"

 

Chris. 

[Spookytooth]

 

Coal fired sheep?

 

Simon.

[spruecutter96]

3 hours ago, Spookytooth said:

Coal fired sheep?

 

Possible captions:  "Can anyone else smell roast-lamb?"

 

                                "No more curried-eggs and Irn-Bru for me, then!"

 

                                 "Green-house gases, Guv'nr? I've no idea wot you mean...."

 

      Chris. 

[bentwaters81tfw]

Cor....that ram was something else!

[Mark Harmsworth]

Q:  Am I the only one you've ever been with?

 

A:  Yes. The rest were 9 or 10.

 

[jenko]

9 hours ago, Spookytooth said:

Coal fired sheep?

 

Simon.

 

Or

Been a bit of a scorcher today.

 

Babe I've got the hots for ewe,

 

Goodness gracious great balls of fire.

 

 

[bentwaters81tfw]

kids take up vaping so young these days

 

Or

 

An everyday scene in Wales.

[Pete in Lincs]

Found out where the fridge magnets were disappearing to.

 Got up this morning and the dog was stuck to the door.

[pigsty]

My uncle was a very successful songwriter.  He always said the key was to make sure his lyrics were suitable for all ages.  In fact, if an innuendo crept in, he'd whip it out straight away.

[2996 Victor]

 

 

[jenko]

On 2/15/2024 at 11:42 AM, Spookytooth said:

 

 

I said I wanted lamb hot pot NOT lamb hot bot.

[Fisherman Dave]

How do farmers party ?

 

They turnip the beets.

[2996 Victor]

I had a kids' Happy Meal at McDonald's today.

 

Damn, but her parents were annoyed!

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[Welkin]