Short Clean Jokes V

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[flyboy2610]

I've never figured out why women get so upset if the toilet seat is left up.

Don't they check first? We do.

[ArnoldAmbrose]

A mystery  -  the toilet seat left up in a nunnery or convent.

 

Where's my coat?       Regards, Jeff.

[Pete in Lincs]

There was a song decades ago by Jake Thackeray? Called something like bloody funny nun

[psdavidson]

Today, I'm wearing pink to celebrate those people who forget to separate their laundry

[AV O]

2 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said:

There was a song decades ago by Jake Thackeray? Called something like bloody funny nun

https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Jake-Thackray/Sister-Josephine

[RAF4EVER]

1 hour ago, AV O said:

https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Jake-Thackray/Sister-Josephine

 

[Billos]

Amazing how many of these jokes are either from ISIHAC or early goons.

Anyway let's do the ISIHAC guests at the ball jokes

 

first off let's welcome Mr and Mrs Roid and their daughter...... Emma

[pigsty]

I completed a half-marathon at the weekend.  I've left the other half in the fridge - I'll have it with a nice cup of tea later.

[Billos]

24 minutes ago, pigsty said:

I completed a half-marathon at the weekend.  I've left the other half in the fridge - I'll have it with a nice cup of tea later.

There'll be snickers at that one. (groan emoji)

[Dave Swindell]

13 hours ago, pigsty said:

I completed a half-marathon at the weekend.  I've left the other half in the fridge - I'll have it with a nice cup of tea later.

.....😆😆Snickers😆😆....

[2996 Victor]

Due to human beings becoming taller over time, ladder manufacturers are finding it necessary to increase the spacing between the rungs.

 

Scientists have confirmed that this is due to climb it change.

[Circloy]

Just had some corporate training on e-mails & was told we had to use the OHIO method - Only Handle It Once.

Someone at the back blurted out to the meeting that around here connectons are that bad we have to resort to the CHICAGO method - SHit I CAnt Get Online.

[2996 Victor]

I'll just leave this here:

[pigsty]

“So, what did you think of my Pastoral Symphony last month?” one conductor asks another over coffee.

“Quite acceptable, on the whole, though personally I would have taken the fourth movement a little more allegro.”

“Ah.  You were present for my 1812 - a triumph, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“Possibly.  You did let the special effects overwhelm the instrumentation towards the end.”

“Hmm.  How about my Evening with Vaughan Williams in Manchester?”

“Pedestrian, I’m afraid - an uninspired selection.”

“Right, that’s it, I've had enough.  Just who do you think you are?  I’ll have you know, I’ve conducted more orchestras than you can shake a stick at!”

[Dave Swindell]

Top tip for anyone looking for a date for Valentine's Day....

Spoiler

It's 14th February

 

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[Selwyn]

Musicians Joke.

 

"Whats the difference between a Violin and a Viola?"

 

"A Viola burns longer!"

 

Selwyn

[Spookytooth]

And a Trumpet and a Cornet?

 

A Cornet has a flake in it!!!

 

Simon.

[Pete in Lincs]

Tell me, How does the thought of violence strike you?

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.

[Spookytooth]

 

 

Simon.

[Spookytooth]

 

Simon.