Spookytooth Posted February 27 Author Share Posted February 27 He says “Doc I have been having really strange dreams for the last month”. Doc asks “Ok. What are the dreams?”. Bloke says “It’s like there is a football World Cup going on. Every night I see a football match but with donkeys! It’s driving me crazy! That’s all I think about all day”. Doc smiles, thinks for a while, and says “Ok. Here is a prescription. Take 2 pills tonight before sleeping and you won’t have any of those dreams any longer.” Bloke thanks the doctor profusely, gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, turns around and asks the doc “Doc if it is ok, can I start the medicine from tomorrow night?”. Doc looks puzzled and asks him “Why? Why not tonight?”. Bloke looks down and whispers “Tonight is the final”. Simon. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted February 29 Author Share Posted February 29 Simon. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted February 29 Author Share Posted February 29 Did you hear about the old man whose birthday one year lasted only one minute? It was his sixty-second birthday. Simon. 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon." "May ya live as long as ya want, and not want for as long as ya live" is an Irish toast. "Bread, cinnamon, eggs, and maple syrup" is a French toast. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted March 1 Author Share Posted March 1 (edited) I came home from work and said to the wife"Have we got salad for tea?" "Yes"says the wife "How do you know?" "The smoke alarm isn`t going off" I replied. Simon. Edited March 1 by Spookytooth Punctuation error. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 5 hours ago, Spookytooth said: I came home from work and said to the wife"Have we got salad for tea?" "Yes"says the wife "How do you know?" "The smoke alarm isn`t going off" I replied. Simon. Trust she won't see this 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 On 3/1/2024 at 8:19 AM, Spookytooth said: I came home from work and said to the wife"Have we got salad for tea?" "Yes"says the wife "How do you know?" "The smoke alarm isn`t going off" I replied. Simon. On 3/1/2024 at 1:29 PM, Circloy said: Trust she won't see this I don't imagine he's seeing much right now, either. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted March 3 Share Posted March 3 Trekking through the jungle, one day I saw a lizard standing on his hind legs while telling jokes. I spoke to a local tribal leader, saying, "That lizard is really funny!" He replied, "He's not a lizard, he's a stand-up chameleon." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratch Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 On 01/03/2024 at 12:54, psdavidson said: I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon." 22 hours ago, 2996 Victor said: Trekking through the jungle, one day I saw a lizard standing on his hind legs while telling jokes. I spoke to a local tribal leader, saying, "That lizard is really funny!" He replied, "He's not a lizard, he's a stand-up chameleon." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 A friend of mine called and asked to meet me at the music shop in 45. I made it in 33 which is record speed. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAF4EVER Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 I got picked up by the fuzz last week. Boy, did my eyes water. 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 It seems that before they were famous, the Bee gees used to work in a Chinese restaurant. Hence the song...You can tell by the way I use my Wok .. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 1 hour ago, psdavidson said: A friend of mine called and asked to meet me at the music shop in 45. I made it in 33 which is record speed. When was that? In '78? 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 1 hour ago, Bullbasket said: When was that? In '78? Yup, back when I was single 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 1 hour ago, Bullbasket said: When was that? In '78? Is that a wind up? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 14 hours ago, psdavidson said: Yup, back when I was single Another one to add to your album. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Gordon Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 You kept that up your sleeve. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 Hard to keep track of these now. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 now everyone's in the groove 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 do I detect a bit of needle going on? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 NONE of you should even THINK of giving up your day gigs! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 7 Share Posted March 7 I don't like your tone 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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