Bertie McBoatface Posted December 30, 2023 Posted December 30, 2023 You know it takes me 10 minutes to walk to the pub, yet it takes me half an hour to walk home. The difference is staggering. 5
Ratch Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 On 21/12/2023 at 03:33, ArnoldAmbrose said: Apologies if this one has already been said :--- My son says it takes him two minutes to walk to the pub, but ten minutes to walk home. The difference is staggering. 😁 Yeah, I know, someone please hand me my coat. 🙂 Regards, Jeff. 9 hours ago, Bertie McBoatface said: You know it takes me 10 minutes to walk to the pub, yet it takes me half an hour to walk home. The difference is staggering. No apology Bertie? 1
Bertie McBoatface Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 3 minutes ago, Ratch said: No apology Bertie? To you Ratch? Of course not. I don't hear Jeff complaining.
ArnoldAmbrose Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 Obviously Bertie lives further away from the pub than we do. 🙂 Regards and well wishes to all, Jeff. 1
Circloy Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 diarrhea 5 hours ago, Spookytooth said: Simon. Heard the censors thought it a load of c... on the other hand the sequel 'Diarrhea' could actually run & run. 4
2996 Victor Posted December 31, 2023 Posted December 31, 2023 If a UFO has been identified as a UFO, it becomes an FO. Unless it has already landed, in which case it would be an O. 1 8
Welkin Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 I am writing an app that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one. It's going to be a game changer. 1 8 1
Welkin Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 A company is making a documentary series on 'How to fly a plane'. They're currently filming the pilot. 7
jenko Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 12 minutes ago, Welkin said: A company is making a documentary series on 'How to fly a plane'. They're currently filming the pilot. Starting the new year in groan mode 🤣🤣 3
Bertie McBoatface Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 Deleted Sorry, that one seemed funnier in the pub than on the page. 1
2996 Victor Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 16 minutes ago, Bertie McBoatface said: Deleted Sorry, that one seemed funnier in the pub than on the page. That's funny right there!
Fatcawthorne Posted January 1, 2024 Posted January 1, 2024 On 12/31/2023 at 4:27 PM, Circloy said: on the other hand the sequel 'Diarrhea' could actually run & run. My parents told me that this condition is hereditary. Apparently it runs in our jeans!!! 3
Welkin Posted January 2, 2024 Posted January 2, 2024 21 hours ago, Bertie McBoatface said: Sorry, that one seemed funnier in the pub than on the page. Is there such a thing as a two-pint joke? 1
jenko Posted January 2, 2024 Posted January 2, 2024 15 minutes ago, Welkin said: Is there such a thing as a two-pint joke? Not one you can quart. 3
Bertie McBoatface Posted January 2, 2024 Posted January 2, 2024 17 minutes ago, Welkin said: Is there such a thing as a two-pint joke? I decided that it might have been offensive in certain circumstances. 1
pigsty Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 "Fred, what's that white thing on the side of your head?" "Oh, come on, Bill, it's a - oh, hell, hang on, it's a suppository. How did that get there?" "That's not the question." "No?" "The question is, where's your hearing aid?" 9
Circloy Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 16 minutes ago, pigsty said: "Fred, what's that white thing on the side of your head?" "Oh, come on, Bill, it's a - oh, hell, hang on, it's a suppository. How did that get there?" "That's not the question." "No?" "The question is, where's your hearing aid?" Pardon. 3
Beardybloke Posted January 3, 2024 Posted January 3, 2024 (edited) Barry the builder was going through a house he had just built, with the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colours to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said, "This room to be a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled out "Green side up" As he went back she said the next room was to be red. The builder again went to the front door and called out "Green side up". Once back with her, she said "This one to be tan." And again he went to the front door and yelled "Green side up." The lady, very curious, said "I keep telling you different colours but you always yell 'Green side up'. What do you say that for?" "Oh, don't you worry about that," said the builder, "I've got a couple of ex-Paras laying the turf out front. Edited January 3, 2024 by Beardybloke Typo 12
pigsty Posted January 7, 2024 Posted January 7, 2024 My little one was having so much trouble with words that sound the same but are spelled differently, she started crying. I patted her on the head and soothed her. "There, their, they're," I said. 1 4
flyboy2610 Posted January 7, 2024 Posted January 7, 2024 5 hours ago, pigsty said: My little one was having so much trouble with words that sound the same but are spelled differently, she started crying. I patted her on the head and soothed her. "There, their, they're," I said. Reminds me of a clip I saw on "All In The Family" once (and, yes, I'm old enough to remember when that show first came out). Archie and Edith were on a trip, and they had just gotten into their motel room. Edith picked up the little card that told them what movies they could get. "Oh, look, Archie, we can watch "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". But look at the funny way they spelled 'bears'!" Archie said "Aw, geez, Edith! That's an adult movie!" "Well, that's still no excuse for poor spelling!" 4
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now