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Short Clean Jokes V


Spookytooth

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On 21/12/2023 at 03:33, ArnoldAmbrose said:

Apologies if this one has already been said  :---

 

My son says it takes him two minutes to walk to the pub, but ten minutes to walk home. The difference is staggering. 😁

 

Yeah, I know, someone please hand me my coat. 🙂       Regards, Jeff.

 

9 hours ago, Bertie McBoatface said:

You know it takes me 10 minutes to walk to the  pub, yet it takes me half an hour to walk home. The difference is staggering.  

No apology Bertie?

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I am writing an app that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.

It's going to be a game changer.

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A company is making a documentary series on 'How to fly a plane'.

They're currently filming the pilot.

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12 minutes ago, Welkin said:

A company is making a documentary series on 'How to fly a plane'.

They're currently filming the pilot.

Starting the new year  in groan mode 🤣🤣

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On 12/31/2023 at 4:27 PM, Circloy said:

on the other hand the sequel 'Diarrhea' could actually run & run.

My parents told me that this condition is hereditary.  Apparently it runs in our jeans!!!

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21 hours ago, Bertie McBoatface said:

Sorry, that one seemed funnier in the pub than on the page.

Is there such a thing as a two-pint joke?

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15 minutes ago, Welkin said:

Is there such a thing as a two-pint joke?

Not one you can quart.

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"Fred, what's that white thing on the side of your head?"

"Oh, come on, Bill, it's a - oh, hell, hang on, it's a suppository.  How did that get there?"

"That's not the question."

"No?"

"The question is, where's your hearing aid?"

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16 minutes ago, pigsty said:

"Fred, what's that white thing on the side of your head?"

"Oh, come on, Bill, it's a - oh, hell, hang on, it's a suppository.  How did that get there?"

"That's not the question."

"No?"

"The question is, where's your hearing aid?"

Pardon.

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Barry the builder was going through a house he had just built, with the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colours to paint each room.

 

They went into the first room and she said, "This room to be a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled out "Green side up" As he went back she said the next room was to be red. The builder again went to the front door and called out "Green side up". Once back with her, she said "This one to be tan." And again he went to the front door and yelled "Green side up."

 

The lady, very curious, said "I keep telling you different colours but you always yell 'Green side up'. What do you say that for?"

 

"Oh, don't you worry about that," said the builder, "I've got a couple of ex-Paras laying the turf out front.

Edited by Beardybloke
Typo
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My little one was having so much trouble with words that sound the same but are spelled differently, she started crying.

I patted her on the head and soothed her.  "There, their, they're," I said.

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5 hours ago, pigsty said:

My little one was having so much trouble with words that sound the same but are spelled differently, she started crying.

I patted her on the head and soothed her.  "There, their, they're," I said.

Reminds me of a clip I saw on "All In The Family" once (and, yes, I'm old enough to remember when that show first came out).

Archie and Edith were on a trip, and they had just gotten into their motel room.

Edith picked up the little card that told them what movies they could get.

"Oh, look, Archie, we can watch "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". But look at the funny way they spelled 'bears'!"

Archie said "Aw, geez, Edith! That's an adult movie!"

"Well, that's still no excuse for poor spelling!"

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