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Short Clean Jokes V


Spookytooth

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There was a young lady of Lynn, 
Who was so uncommonly, thin 
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade, 
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

 

There was an old man of Madrid, 
Who ate nineteen eggs for a quid.

When they asked, are you faint, 
He replied 'No I ain’t, 
But I don’t feel as well as I did.'

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A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me five shots of your best scotch!" The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can. "Wow, that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink!" says the bartender. "Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The man replies, "50 pence."

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There once was a runner named Dwight,
Who could speed even faster than light.
He set out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

 

One Saturday morning at three,
A cheesemonger’s shop in Paree,
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.

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Just think,

maybe in a couple of days, or maybe even from tomorrow, you'll be able to turn on the radio without having to listen to those interminable Christmas songs!

This state of affairs could even last up to eight months if we're lucky!

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35 minutes ago, Pete in Lincs said:

Just think,

maybe in a couple of days, or maybe even from tomorrow, you'll be able to turn on the radio with having to listen to those interminable Christmas songs!

This state of affairs could even last up to eight months if we're lucky!

We should be so fortunate ...

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1 hour ago, Pete in Lincs said:

Just think,

maybe in a couple of days, or maybe even from tomorrow, you'll be able to turn on the radio with having to listen to those interminable Christmas songs!

This state of affairs could even last up to eight months if we're lucky!

That's the only saving grace I find about Halloween. It forces the shops to delay the Xmas onslaught until at least the 1st if November!

 

Nick 

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At times I’m so mad that I’m hopping.
My angriness sets my veins popping.
I yell and I curse,
With swear words diverse,
But my wife does much worse: she goes shopping!

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A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A's and Lit.D's,
Collapsed from the strain,
Said her doctor, "It's plain
You are killing yourself—by degrees!"

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18 hours ago, Admiral Puff said:

The only good thing about this Christmas is that I only had to listen to The Little Drummer Boy once! Plenty of other saccharine crap on the radio, though. My CD collection got a good workout!

408210195-6908664505878858-6320671408171

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