JohnT Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 3 hours ago, RAF4EVER said: Straight back into the barrel. Reminds me of a time when at a rugby club one guy was sick of folk nicking his new pint when he went to the toilet for relief so he wrote on a bar coaster "I have spat in this pint" and placed it on top of the glass only to come back and find some wag had added "So have I!" 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAF4EVER Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 9 minutes ago, JohnT said: Reminds me of a time when at a rugby club one guy was sick of folk nicking his new pint when he went to the toilet for relief so he wrote on a bar coaster "I have spat in this pint" and placed it on top of the glass only to come back and find some wag had added "So have I!" A friend of mine ,when I was in the Air Force, used to put his false teeth in his pint, 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 17 Author Share Posted April 17 Did you know that "Flat Earthers" have friends all over the globe!!!! Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Lucas Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 10 hours ago, pigsty said: My team's just lost again - four-one down on aggregate. I wonder if they'd play better on grass? I don't know man, I've never smoked either of them. . . 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 17 Author Share Posted April 17 4 minutes ago, Paul Lucas said: I don't know man, I've never smoked either of them. . . The England Cricket team were touring Sri Lanka in the late 70`s and Ian Botham was asked what is the difference playing on grass and coconut matting. He replied"We have tried smoking coconut matting" Simon. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 17 Author Share Posted April 17 Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pig of the Week Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 Question.. "my child won't eat fish, what can I replace it with?" Answer.. " a Cat, cats love fish..." 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 How do you start a story about P38 car filler ? Isopon a time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAF4EVER Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Really need a Groan Icon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road. You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse! My driving instructor told me if there's an animal in the road you should run it over. I narrowly missed a dog on my test; the examiner looked so surprised when I subsequently followed the dog into a field before I finally got him! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootneck Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 Husband: "When I die, I shall leave everything to you". Wife: "You already do, you lazy sod!". 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted April 19 Share Posted April 19 On 4/18/2024 at 5:34 AM, RAF4EVER said: A friend of mine ,when I was in the Air Force, used to put his false teeth in his pint, Many years ago in a pub in Queenstown, a regular gathering spot for tour drivers, one of our number did just this with his jug of beer. When he got back to the table, there were several other sets of teeth in there. A good laugh was had by all, teeth were retrieved & the owner of the first set of teeth went to buy another jug. Steve 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 15 hours ago, stevehnz said: Many years ago in a pub in Queenstown, a regular gathering spot for tour drivers, one of our number did just this with his jug of beer. When he got back to the table, there were several other sets of teeth in there. A good laugh was had by all, teeth were retrieved & the owner of the first set of teeth went to buy another jug. Steve Hmm, I just wondered how the drivers were able to tell which set of teeth were theirs, when they fished them out, did they have to try and see which set fitted best? "No, this set's definitely not mine, Give me another set to try'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 I don't recall the details now, I let them sort it out themselves. I wasn't one of the ones with teeth in the jug, mine or most of them are still in my head. Steve. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pig of the Week Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 For Sale.. Muhammad Ali DVDs.. George Foreman Grill.. Both boxed... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 21 Author Share Posted April 21 Simon. 3 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 23 Author Share Posted April 23 Simon. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 We had a burglar who stole the milk, cheese and butter! I thought how dairy! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 There were two babies in the hospital nursery. The first one said "Hi! I'm a little girl baby! The second one said "Hi! I'm a little boy baby!" "How do you know you're a boy baby?" "I'll show you". He reached down, grabbed his nightgown by the bottom and pulled it up over his head. "See? Blue booties!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 25 Author Share Posted April 25 Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Thomas replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.” Simon. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 Little Bo Peep lied for the insurance money! What sort of name was that anyway? Does it mean that there was a Big Bo Peep? Nursery rhymes eh? Tsk! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Gordon Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Smokin' a joint of Weed. The Spider espied her and sat down beside her And skinned up on Acid and Speed... 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted April 25 Author Share Posted April 25 A couple had their first baby. After a week or so the mother thought she could use a break and went shopping leaving the little baby with the proud father. It was only a short while before the baby started to cry. The perplexed father tried all of the tricks that he remembered his wife doing but to no avail. Finally after a half hour in desperation he went to the doctor. After checking all of the regular things the doctor discovered it was just a dirty diaper. “I don’t understand the perplexed father said “I knew it was dirty, but the diaper package said specifically that it was good up to 8 pounds!” Simon. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted April 25 Share Posted April 25 20 hours ago, flyboy2610 said: There were two babies in the hospital nursery. The first one said "Hi! I'm a little girl baby! The second one said "Hi! I'm a little boy baby!" "How do you know you're a boy baby?" "I'll show you". He reached down, grabbed his nightgown by the bottom and pulled it up over his head. "See? Blue booties!" Blue booties - Boy Pink booties - Girl Lemon booties ... ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyboy2610 Posted April 26 Share Posted April 26 3 hours ago, Circloy said: Blue booties - Boy Pink booties - Girl Lemon booties ... ? Leaky diaper. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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