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About Kiwidave4

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  • Birthday 26/12/1945

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  1. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    A truck carrying a load of snooker equipment has just shed its load near us. There are cues for miles.
  2. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    I was in the new cake shop in the town today. There was a little old lady in front of me asking the prices. The assistant said, "They are all $5." The lady pointed to a big cake on the top shelf and asked, "How much is that one?" The assistant said, "Ahh...that one is $10.00." The old lady asked why. The assistant said, "Its madeira cake."
  3. Long (ish) Jokes.

    An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $8.15 an hour. Let me have your email address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day." Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an email address. To this the manager replies "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed". Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25kg bag of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his email address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he has no email, the adviser is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, email and e-commerce? Can imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!" After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied. "Yes, I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!"
  4. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    My wife's just stormed off to the kitchen in a rage after a massive argument over how miserable and tight I've become. I can hear her in there now, ripping all the plates in half.
  5. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    We call our granddad Spiderman. He doesn't have superhuman powers, he just can't get out of the bath.
  6. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    I just searched Google for "lost servant boy".....It told me........ Page not found.
  7. Long (ish) Jokes.

    A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick." The younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately." "You've probably been doing too much for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps." As the left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?" "I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed."
  8. Reality is what you make it I guess

    Have to be careful what I say as politics and religion are the main reason we dont know as much as we should about our history, or about what is happening around us now. Just as history is written by the winners, so contemporary opinion of history in the so-called 'West' is dictated by the people who make the most noise in a language that sounds a bit like English. Unfortunately, as Orwell warned us, the masses dont want to hear the truth, they just want confirmation that what they believe is true, and what they believe is true often originates from sources that are very dodgy.
  9. MASERATI 250F Scratch Build

    Been waiting for an update, and its great to see the progress you have made. Just love the way you use 'found' materials!
  10. 1/35 BOWMAN aerials

    I can also recommend BNA, have used them for some bits. Dont know the number but RB used to make some brass bases, think they are US but would look the part.
  11. i'm not an expert on chieftian tank,so i ask..:)

    The Berlin scheme was initially applied to Mk5/Mk5 variants including at least one dozer equipped example, and ultimately it was also applied to Mk10. The Tamiya kit can make a passable Mk5 with just engine deck, Clansman and NBC pack corrections which are pretty simple scratch jobs. Of course if you want it to be 100% correct then a bit more work is involved, but this is more about adding missing details than making any major alterations.
  12. Long (ish) Jokes.

    A group of four year old were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?""I went to visit my Nana.""No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done."I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the S***."
  13. MASERATI 250F Scratch Build

    Great stuff as usual Frank. That last shot certainly looks like a 250F.
  14. Short Jokes II The Sequel

    Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your undies. Your Granny.