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About Kiwidave4

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    Established Member
  • Birthday 26/12/1945

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    New Zealand

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  1. Kiwidave4

    Long (ish) Jokes.

    Dave wanted a job as a signalman on the railways and was really excited when told to meet the Inspector at the signal box for an interview. The Inspector asks, "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Dave says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains". "What if the lever broke?" asked the Inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box", said Dave, "and I'd use the manual lever over there". "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then", Dave continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box". "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case", persevered Dave, "I'd run down and use the public phone at the level crossing up there". "What if that was vandalised?" "Oh well then I'd run into the village and get Trev". This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because", says Dave, "he's always wanted to see a train crash".
  2. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

    I was in the hardware shop this morning and asked this bloke, "What gets rid of grime and tough stains?" "Ammonia cleaner", he replied. "Sorry", I said, "I thought you worked here"
  3. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

    A number of local toy-shops have reported that they have had kaleidoscopes stolen. A police spokesperson said they believe a pattern is forming.
  4. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

    I just got back from hospital.......... They reckon I might have Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. But at the moment it's hard to say
  5. Kiwidave4

    Long (ish) Jokes.

    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What grounds do you have for divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "But" he said, "what are the foundations?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town." "Do you have a grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport, so have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
  6. Kiwidave4

    55 D-Jaguar Scratch build in Ebony

    Great work as usual Frank. Love the adaption of the knurling tool knob!
  7. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    A major study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Seems right, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
  8. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    A vacationer emailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach" he was told. "But how will I recognise it?" asked the man. The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows".
  9. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    Out for a ride on my motorbike today and stopped at a cafe. Got talking to an American tourist about British motorbikes. When I mentioned Royal Enfield he looked a bit confused. Apparently he thought that was where the Queen kept her chickens.
  10. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    Our marriage guidance counsellor asked my wife why she wants to leave me, and she said, “I’m sick of his stupid Star Wars jokes”. I said, “May Divorce be with you”.
  11. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    How do you think the unthinkable? Eathy. Juth uthe an itheberg.
  12. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    Walking down the street when a Middle Eastern gent in a car pulled up beside me, sounded the cars horn and stuck his bare backside out the window. I think it was toot and car moon.
  13. Very tasty! That finish is just so smooth and glossy. Like the fact that the grain is visible. Would look like it was just paint otherwise.
  14. Kiwidave4

    Short Jokes II The Sequel

    I did not want to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.
  15. Kiwidave4

    57 Maserati Scratch Build

    I think the dividing line between model and woodwork project is pretty fine. If the finished article looks like a car I would say its a model, - or perhaps a sculpture! Personally I like your natural wood cars and I am sure I am not the only one who would like to see more off them, if only to admire the skill involved in their making. Think I have told you before that the only thing I can make from a tree is firewood so your handiwork has me in awe.