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Kiwidave4

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About Kiwidave4

  • Rank
    Established Member
  • Birthday 12/26/1945

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    New Zealand

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  1. I get really annoyed when people ask, "Where do you see yourself this time next year?" They seem to think I have 20/20 vision.
  2. I accidentally enrolled for an escapologists course. Now I am struggling to get out of it.
  3. My wife has become quite an expert on Palmistry. I've told her she should write a handbook.
  4. At breakfast this morning I said to the wife, "Had a really bad night, lots of nightmares. Think it must be all that licorice I ate yesterday." She asked, "What did you dream about?" I said, "All sorts."
  5. So the marriage counsellor said, "Your wife says that you never buy her flowers. Is that correct." I said, "Well, to be honest, I did not know she sells flowers."
  6. I remember many years ago Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones doing a sketch where they came on stage and the audience all started whistling and cheering in the manner that was then fashionable in, and isolated to, the US of A. British audiences simply did not behave like that, which made it funny in a pleasantly superior way. Now on the very rare occasions that we get to see any TV show which has originated in the UK the audience is whistling and cheering before the act has even done anything. The tentacles of 'American Kulture' are reaching out and strangling us all. One of the many disadvantages of getting old is having the accumulated experience of times past. I recall watching Reginald Perrin and finding it funny because at that time no business could possibly have operated as Sunshine Desserts did. Now as I find myself increasingly battling staggering levels of incompetence and stupidity in all the businesses I have the misfortune to deal with I realise that fiction has very much become the new reality. But the most worrying thing is that a whole generation of younger people are growing up to consider this the norm, blissfully unaware of such concepts as common sense.
  7. I got invited to a fancy dress party by our new neighbour who arrived recently from Birmingham. He said the theme was "spice". So I went dressed as a chilli pepper, but when I got there, everyone else was dressed as astronauts.
  8. Our fuse box blew this morning so I rang the local Sparky. I had to go out so left the wife in charge. When I got home the wife said, "It's all working now, Ian did great job". "Ian? I thought his name is Jim". "Well", she replied, "it said ELECTRIC IAN on his van".
  9. Many years ago I posted on BM about a report by a local radio 'journalist'. At the time the RNZAF operated Iroquois helicopters. We had a bad storm which resulted in flooding, causing a state of emergency and use of the Defense Force to rescue people. The 'journalist' reported that people were rescued by Iraqi helicopters. It does not seem unreasonable to expect a person employed as a broadcaster to be able to cope with 'foreign' words, and/or to check correct pronunciation when in doubt. But really, just how stupid does a person in New Zealand have to be to believe that Iraqi helicopters were operating a search and rescue operation locally, or to not be aware of the difference in the spelling of the word she was reading and the word she was pronouncing. The sad fact is that the Fourth Estate these days only has one function, and as that is political I best not mention it!
  10. John, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to his town to get him to paint their likenesses. One day, a beautiful young woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to pay up to 10,000 pounds. Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the rightness and wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition. So in a few minutes he returned. "My wife says it's okay." he said. "It will be my pleasure to paint your portrait in the nude, but I will have to at least leave my socks on, so I have a place to wipe my brushes."
  11. A woman was sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leant toward her and asked, “Do you mind if I say a word?” “No, go right ahead,” the woman replied. The man stood, cleared his throat, said, “Plethora!”, and sat down. “Thank you.” the woman said, “That means a lot.”
  12. The only Mary had a little lamb versions I know would get me banned! However, I did once find myself on this line that met a geometrical curve at a common point without actually intersecting its surface. I think I went off on a tangent.
  13. Visitors to Spain are often amazed at the skill of the tattoo artists there. No one expects the Spanish ink precision
  14. In the Courtline hangar the Brittania 737's were sausage bombers! Its a while now but seem to remember it was Airwork who were the Piaggio agents. Having just arrived from the Antipodes they were the first - and last! - Piaggios I had seen.
  15. Not really an aviation buff these days but always like to look at the photos that people post here just to see how aviation has changed since my days. Got a bit of a surprise when the Pig appeared...took me back to Luton in the sixties! Had to do some googling when you posted your first set to find out what the modern Pig lookalike was as I was not aware they were still in business or doing a 21st Century version! Thanks for the great pics.
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