Short clean jokes. Mk.Vl.

[psdavidson]

I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me 40 quid, so I gave it to the charity shop next door.

They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it back for £15

[jenko]

What Bob Marley music do AWAC pilots play when on opps??

 

 

We're  Jamin.

[psdavidson]

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation."

We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

[jenko]

1 hour ago, psdavidson said:

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation."

We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

 

At least she can slip into something cool.

[psdavidson]

3 hours ago, jenko said:

At least she can slip into something cool.

That got a frosty reception

[Bullbasket]

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, he turns the light on and when I'm finished, he turns the light off." When the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Damn it! The old fool's been peeing in the fridge again!"

[psdavidson]

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps

[Admiral Puff]

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil ...

 

 

...Cuz I is the EVILEST mutha in the whole danged valley!!

[ArnoldAmbrose]

12 hours ago, psdavidson said:

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death,

G'day All, I'm a pensioner now with a card that let's me travel on public transport for free. Why would I walk? 😁 Regards, Jeff.

[stevehnz]

Mrs Hnz shared this with me on FB Messenger. I'm not sure who it is aimed at but I'm embracing my inner Scandinavian Architect as I type.

Steve.

[Fnick]

I'm a Scandinavian architect. My kids are definitely racoons on meth mixed with high sugar content sweets.

 

My wife is a raccoon currently doing a degree in Scandinavian architecture!

 

Nick

[-Ian-]

[Spookytooth]

Disney are making a new film about a transgender whale, it's called MAYBE DICK

 

Simon 

[AV O]

On 26/07/2024 at 22:14, Spookytooth said:

Disney are making a new film about a transgender whale, it's called MAYBE DICK

 

Simon 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0WSRnSV9hI

 

Use any means for translation…

If in need, I may help. Please PM.

Edited July 28, 2024 by AV O

[Bullbasket]

At the doctor's office, Tom was getting a check up. "I have good news and bad news," says the doctor. "The good news is you have 24 hours left to live." Tom replies, "That's the good news?! What's the bad news?" Then the doctor says, "The bad news is I should have told you that yesterday."

[pigsty]

Definition of unhelpful ambiguity: when William Tell said "I'm going to miss you, son."

[psdavidson]

I may have posted this before, but who cares

 

I bought a head of lettuce from a small grocery store called Mamas and Papas but I can’t eat it because all the leaves are brown

[Bullbasket]

15 minutes ago, psdavidson said:

I may have posted this before, but who cares

 

I bought a head of lettuce from a small grocery store called Mamas and Papas but I can’t eat it because all the leaves are brown

You'll just have to get down on your knees and pray.

[psdavidson]

Apparently, Neil Diamond‘s real name is Neil Carbon.

His record company put him under extreme pressure to change it

 

[bentwaters81tfw]

4 minutes ago, psdavidson said:

Apparently, Neil Diamond‘s real name is Neil Carbon.

His record company put him under extreme pressure to change it

 

Yeah, well....Money Talks

[psdavidson]

3 hours ago, bentwaters81tfw said:

Money Talks

it certainly did for Reverend Blue Jeans

[jenko]

7 hours ago, psdavidson said:

Apparently, Neil Diamond‘s real name is Neil Carbon.

His record company put him under extreme pressure to change it

 

 

So he became a solitary man.

[Pete Robin]

On 7/26/2024 at 9:14 PM, Spookytooth said:

Disney are making a new film about a transgender whale, it's called MAYBE DICK

 

Simon 

Hey man, apologies for the confused emoji. No sleep, bad health, crappy eyesight, a phone and fat fingers resulted in the wrong answer.

Will do better in future .... Maybe!

 

Pete

[psdavidson]

I have finally been cured of my compulsive buying of boats.

Those anti-buy-yachtics certainly did the trick.

[flyboy2610]

12 hours ago, psdavidson said:

I have finally been cured of my compulsive buying of boats.

Those anti-buy-yachtics certainly did the trick.

It has been said that two of the happiest days in a man's life are the day he buys his boat, and the day he sells it.

Definition: Boat - a hole in the water that you throw money into.