UberDaveToo Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 Fred was beaming, he just got delivery of a flashy red Ferrari and was taking it out for the first time. He drives up to a traffic light as it changes to red and stops. A boy on a moped rides up next to him and stops at the light. The boy leans way into the car exclaiming, “wow, mister, that’s some car!” Fred can’t help but show it off, “that’s polished wood on the dash, and all leather upholstery!” The boy leans further into the car, agog at all the gadgetry, “boy, I bet she can really go!” he says. That’s all the prompting Fred needs as the light turns green and he says, “watch this, kid!” Fred romps on the accelerator, throwing himself back in his seat. He grins as the speedometer zooms past 80, then he checks the rear view mirror and is astonished to see the boy on the moped catching up to him. Fred throws the car into the next gear and floors the accelerator, but the boy on the moped shot past him like a bullet. He watched in amazement as the boy spun around, came back at the car at breakneck speed, and plowed into the front of it, vaulting the moped and rider over Fred’s Ferrari, landing on the pavement behind as Fred came to a screeching stop. Fred jumped from the car, ran over to the boy, and said “oh my gosh, is there anything I can do for you?” And the boy said, “yeah, unhook my suspenders from your rearview mirror…” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isn't wearing his watch. A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero next to his donkey, under a nearby tree. The American approaches the Mexican and asks, "Excuse me, do you know what time is?" The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its testicles, and replies, "4:30." The American asks, "How do you know that?" The Mexican replies, "Well you get a handful of the donkeys testicles and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street." 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Accordion to research, 9 out of ten people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Well, that fell flat! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Everyone's too sharp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 I hope the Mods take note of this musical bad joke behaviour - its quite on another scale tra-la boom tish ! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Stop harping on about it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Some people need to have it drummed into them. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 That causes violin-t behaviour 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 in the highly strung 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Oi - knock it off! This isn't the four-word thread! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Can we all please make a concert ed effort to stop posting bad music jokes and restore harmony. It would be music to my ears 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Aww. We were just finding our rhythm 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 1 hour ago, Admiral Puff said: Oi - knock it off! This isn't the four-word thread! You could just beat it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 (edited) Too many on here blowing their own trumpet and trying to drum up support. Is this a group thing or has it been orchestrated ?? Edited March 9 by jenko 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratch Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Who's jumping on the bandwagon? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Well ... if it was a song about football would it have a Man U Script ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 48 minutes ago, jenko said: Well ... if it was a song about football would it have a Man U Script ?? Make a note.....we need a groan emoji Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bootneck Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Seems like we've been striking a bum note Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Before you all make complete bassoons of yourselves, lets get back to the jokes. A 92 year old man is walking through a park and sees a talking frog. He picks up the frog and the frogs says, “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours for a week.” The old man puts the frog in his pocket. The frog screams, “Hey if you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you for a whole month.” The old man looks at the frog and says, “At my age I’d rather have a talking frog.” 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 "About your cat, Mr Shrodinger; I have good news and bad news" 1 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 1 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat." 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psdavidson Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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