pigsty Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Honk if you support the driving examiners' strike! Otherwise please keep both hands on the wheel. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 1 hour ago, Selwyn said: Did you hear about the Painter and Decorator who always made love to his wife on the floor because he liked a Matt finish? Selwyn To much info. Wish you had glossed over it.😱 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 1 minute ago, jenko said: To much info. Wish you had glossed over it.😱 Satin my chair I wondered if it might be treading on eggshell. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 What a tacky joke 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 The sound from a musician on a stage bounces off the theatre walls and surrounds the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this. The reason is a coo sticks. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 Two nuns from Ireland travel to New York City for a holiday. Before they go, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 My Teacher told me not to worry because in the future there would be Autocorrect. For that I am eternally grapefruit 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 She said she missed me. Normally that would be good. But she's reloading... 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Watto Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 I ran away to the circus when I was 9, my act was terrible but, they kept me on because, I was the only one who knew how to pack the tent into the bag.. 6 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 The clothes were terrible too. They made me wear this big top! 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 It wasn’t easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning. He got some really bad feedback. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 Imagine Alexander Graham Bell's surprise when seconds after inventing the telephone he picked the receiver up only to hear "Have you had an accident recently..." 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 28 minutes ago, Circloy said: Imagine Alexander Graham Bell's surprise when seconds after inventing the telephone he picked the receiver up only to hear "Have you had an accident recently..." Accident at work? No, I just turned the tap on too quickly 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 On 2/22/2023 at 7:38 PM, Circloy said: Satin my chair I wondered if it might be treading on eggshell. Thought I'd buy 'er indoors something sexy for Valentines Said to the lingerie assistant "are these knickers satin?" she said " no,they're new" 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Learstang Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 'I found my wife with my best friend.' 'Bitter?' 'Yep, bit 'im too.' 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAF4EVER Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 1 hour ago, Circloy said: Imagine Alexander Graham Bell's surprise when seconds after inventing the telephone he picked the receiver up only to hear "Have you had an accident recently..." or he got the engaged tone, 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 7 hours ago, RAF4EVER said: or he got the engaged tone, or, "We're calling about the extended warranty on your new car" ... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Learstang Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 11 hours ago, Admiral Puff said: or, "We're calling about the extended warranty on your new car" ... So, are you saying that not only did Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone, but he also invented telemarketers? What a genius! Best Regards, Jason 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 4 hours ago, Learstang said: So, are you saying that not only did Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone, but he also invented telemarketers? What a genius! Best Regards, Jason I think it more likely that the parasites were out there already, just looking for a host ... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted March 4 Share Posted March 4 2 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UberDaveToo Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 Suddenly the "Man no Arms or Legs" jokes sprang to mind... What do you call a man with no arms or legs who swims? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a hole? Phil. What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a pile of leaves? Russel. What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a doorway? Mat. What do you call a man with no arms or legs who hangs on the wall? Art. What do you call two men with no arms or legs who hang on the wall? Curt n' Rod... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Gordon Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 How should one ask the time from a man without arms or legs? "Got the time on yer Cock?" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UberDaveToo Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 7 minutes ago, Alex Gordon said: How should one ask the time from a man without arms or legs? "Got the time on yer Cock?" I forgot about the man with no arms or legs who who water skis... Skip. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnick Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 What's the definition of agony? A one armed man hanging from a cliff with an itchy bottom Nick 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UberDaveToo Posted March 5 Share Posted March 5 A guy is driving down a country road is surprised to notice a chicken keeping pace with his car, a quick glance at the speedometer showed the needle pegged on 30mph. He looked back, and the chicken was still there. Curious, he accelerated 40mph, then 50, then 60, but the chicken not only kept pace the entire time, but shot ahead of him and took off down a dirt road. “I’ve gotta see this.” The man said to himself, and he turned down the road. After a mile or so he saw a farm, high speed chickens were zooming all around the property. He gets out of the car, knocks on the farmhouse door, and the farmer answered it. The guy asks, “I have to know, what’s up with these chickens?” “Well,” says the farmer, “There’s just me, the missus, and my son, and we all like a drumstick with our chicken dinner, so I genetically engineered three legged chickens.” “That’s brilliant,” the guy says, “How do they taste?” And the farmer says, “I don’t know, we’ve never caught one…” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now