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Short Clean Jokes V


Spookytooth

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1 hour ago, Selwyn said:

Did you hear about the Painter and Decorator who always made love to his wife on the floor because he liked a Matt finish?

 

Selwyn

To much info. Wish you had glossed over it.😱

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Two nuns from Ireland travel to New York City for a holiday. Before they go, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"

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28 minutes ago, Circloy said:

Imagine Alexander Graham Bell's surprise when seconds after inventing the telephone he picked the receiver up only to hear "Have you had an accident recently..."

Accident at work?

 

No, I just turned the tap on too quickly

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On 2/22/2023 at 7:38 PM, Circloy said:

Satin my chair I wondered if it might be treading on eggshell.

Thought I'd buy 'er indoors something sexy for Valentines

Said to the lingerie assistant "are these knickers satin?"

she said " no,they're new"

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1 hour ago, Circloy said:

Imagine Alexander Graham Bell's surprise when seconds after inventing the telephone he picked the receiver up only to hear "Have you had an accident recently..."

or he got the engaged tone,

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11 hours ago, Admiral Puff said:

or, "We're calling about the extended warranty on your new car" ...

 

So, are you saying that not only did Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone, but he also invented telemarketers? What a genius!

 

Best Regards,

 

Jason

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4 hours ago, Learstang said:

 

So, are you saying that not only did Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone, but he also invented telemarketers? What a genius!

 

Best Regards,

 

Jason

I think it more likely that the parasites were out there already, just looking for a host ...

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Suddenly the "Man no Arms or Legs" jokes sprang to mind...

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who swims?

 

Bob.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a hole?

 

Phil.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a pile of leaves?

 

Russel.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who lies in a doorway?

 

Mat.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who hangs on the wall?

 

Art.

 

What do you call two men with no arms or legs who hang on the wall?

 

Curt n' Rod...

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A guy is driving down a country road is surprised to notice a chicken keeping pace with his car, a quick glance at the speedometer showed the needle pegged on 30mph. He looked back, and the chicken was still there. Curious, he accelerated 40mph, then 50, then 60, but the chicken not only kept pace the entire time, but shot ahead of him and took off down a dirt road.

 

“I’ve gotta see this.” The man said to himself, and he turned down the road. After a mile or so he saw a farm, high speed chickens were zooming all around the property. He gets out of the car, knocks on the farmhouse door, and the farmer answered it.

 

The guy asks, “I have to know, what’s up with these chickens?” “Well,” says the farmer, “There’s just me, the missus, and my son, and we all like a drumstick with our chicken dinner, so I genetically engineered three legged chickens.”

 

“That’s brilliant,” the guy says, “How do they taste?”

 

And the farmer says, “I don’t know, we’ve never caught one…”

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