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Short Clean Jokes V


Spookytooth

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Man caught by his wife coming out of a shop with a scantily dressed female on each arm.

Wife.     'That's not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to the model shop!'

Edited by Noel Smith
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Cribbed from a cartoon seen elsewhere.

 

A breakaway Prince was sat on a department store Santa's lap.

 

Santa.    'What would you like for Christmas lad?'

Breakaway Prince.     ' I would like a unicorn.'

Santa.    ' C'mon son. Be a bit more realistic!'

Breakaway Prince.     ' In that case I would like to be a respected member of my family again.'

Santa.    ' What colour unicorn would you like?'

Edited by Noel Smith
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Flyboy. That link was quite heart warming to read and what a lovely response to that little girl  from those people in the animal welfare department. It makes one realise the world is still full of good people.

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Two old men talking, one says "Do you know that you can get Viagra from Tesco`s now"

"Over the counter ?" said the other man.

"Yes, probably with two" said the first man.

 

Simon.

 

 

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6 hours ago, Noel Smith said:

A yobbo mob leader had Anchovy tattooed on his forehead because he could not spell Anarchy !

I went to a local grocery store and they had Aspargus on sale.

 

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3 hours ago, flyboy2610 said:
10 hours ago, Noel Smith said:

A yobbo mob leader had Anchovy tattooed on his forehead because he could not spell Anarchy !

I went to a local grocery store and they had Aspargus on sale.

       This is not intended as a joke but it follows a similar vein (please, no jokes about blood vessels 🙂). Always proof-read your texts before hitting the submit button. If you're writing about a well known German fighter of WW2 make sure you don't forget the second 'm' in Messerschmitt. And don't forget the 'f' in the word 'shift'. I've done the first and nearly done the second. You can't always rely on spellcheck.

Regards, Jeff.

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4 hours ago, ArnoldAmbrose said:

       This is not intended as a joke but it follows a similar vein (please, no jokes about blood vessels 🙂). Always proof-read your texts before hitting the submit button. If you're writing about a well known German fighter of WW2 make sure you don't forget the second 'm' in Messerschmitt. And don't forget the 'f' in the word 'shift'. I've done the first and nearly done the second. You can't always rely on spellcheck.

Regards, Jeff.

I used to work in the Import Freight area of a well-known cross-channel ferry port and can still remember the import entry for a German-built Sch!tt-blasting machine (that was the description on the invoice) although, maybe fortunately, I never saw the machine itself!

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1 hour ago, stever219 said:

a German-built Sch!tt-blasting machine

So it really hit the fan? (As the saying goes. 🙂) Regards, Jeff.

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31 minutes ago, ArnoldAmbrose said:

So it really hit the fan? (As the saying goes. 🙂) Regards, Jeff.

Thankfully not on our watch; we left it for the night sh1(f)t!"

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My dog ate a bag full of Scrabble Tiles.

Took it to the vet for treatment.

When I got home, the missus said "Anything happen"

"No word yet" I replied.

 

Regards

Pete

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