Jump to content

Short Clean Jokes V


Spookytooth

Recommended Posts

3 hours ago, Fnick said:

Which snake is good at maths?

 

Wait for it...

 

An adder

Actually I believe the species nearly became extinct. When they slithered out of the Ark after the great flood Noah commanded "Go forth and MULTIPLY". Of course, they didn't know how to.

(I'll get my coat).       Regards, Jeff.

  • Haha 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/6/2023 at 4:05 AM, bootneck said:

Didn't somebody, decades ago in the US, sue a microwave company, because it didn't say "do not put wet poodles into microwave to dry them after walks"?

Mike

That would not surprise me. It can't have been pleasant for the poodle. Regards, Jeff.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I shouted at the wife the other day "hey, what number do I wash this t-shirt on?".

She shouts back, "What does it say on the t-shirt?".

Me, "Errrmmmm Pink Floyd!".

 

I know, i'll get me coat.

Regards

Pete

Edited by Pete Robin
bad grammar
  • Haha 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mary and Joseph pitched up at the inn only to find it was full.  Do you not have any room at all? asked Joseph, the inn keeper replied "sorry, we're absolutely full, don't you realise it's Christmas?".

 

 

  • Haha 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, Noel Smith said:

Santa Claus is a complete and utter idiot!

My house has 15 Windows and 3 external doors, but this guy still insists on entering the house by coming down  the chimney!

And every year you read about some buffoon that tried to do the Santa-down-the-chimney routine and had to have the fire department come and get him out!

No matter how hard you try, you can't cure stupid.

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/14/2023 at 10:06 AM, Noel Smith said:

Santa Claus is a complete and utter idiot!

My house has 15 Windows and 3 external doors, but this guy still insists on entering the house by coming down  the chimney!

You ever heard of top of thr range burglar alarms,he's only thinking of his customers and the amount of time/explanation he'd have to give to the cops....

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Bertie's Loony Lexicon Volume Six

 

Abandon - What a hat has

Abundance - A waltz for cakes

Adder - Someone good at arithmetic

Addition - What a dinner table has

Already - Completely crimson

Angler - someone good at geometry

 

That's your five definitions or I'm no adder.

  • Haha 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Apologies if this one has already been said  :---

 

My son says it takes him two minutes to walk to the pub, but ten minutes to walk home. The difference is staggering. 😁

 

Yeah, I know, someone please hand me my coat. 🙂       Regards, Jeff.

  • Haha 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A young boy excitedly opening his Christmas presents came across an Action Man box.

When he opened it to his dismay it was empty.

Dad! Dad! he cried there's no Action Man in the box!

His dad kindly looked at him and said 'Ahh! That's because it's an Action Man Deserter son!'

Edited by Noel Smith
  • Haha 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Said a man to his wife down in Sydenham

'My best trousers - where have you hydenham?

It is perfectly true

That they weren't very new,

But I foolishly left half-a-quidenham.'

 

There was a young dancer of Ipswich,

Who made most astonishing skips, which

So delighted a miss

She said 'Give us a kiss!'

He replied, 'On the cheek or the lips, which?' 

 

There once was a man of Calcutta

Who spoke with a terrible stutter,

At breakfast he said,

'Give me b-b-b-bread,

And b-b-b-b-b-b-butter.'

 

  • Haha 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...