Short Clean Jokes V

[pigsty]

2 hours ago, 593jones said:

On a packet of tea bags, it said 'Serving suggestion', with a picture of a cup of tea.

This has a reason.  I'm not saying it's a good one, but it has a reason; and again, it's to forestall lawsuits.  If you illustrate your can of tuna with a picture of a plate of tuna, with some lettuce, and a fork and a napkin, if you don't put "serving suggestion" someone will sue because the can contained only tuna, and not a plate, or a fork or a napkin, nor any lettuce.  Mad but true.

 

Mind you, I do wonder how many of these cases actually finish off that way.  The usual media thing is to make a lot of fuss about the "stupid lawsuit brought by stupid customer and supplier charged millions", and then ignore the appeal where the case is thrown out or damages are reduced to buttons.  That's what happened in the notorious one about McDonald's coffee.  But even if that does happen, it shows the lower courts are on something, and firms probably play it safe because they know that even if they win on appeal it will have cost them a fortune that they'll never get back.

 

Sorry ... not very funny, this contribution.

[bootneck]

Didn't somebody, decades ago in the US, sue a microwave company, because it didn't say "do not put wet poodles into microwave to dry them after walks"?

Mike

[Retired Bob]

9 hours ago, Bullbasket said:

That's very similar to the small complimentary packets of peanuts that some airlines used to dish out. The packaging had a warning on it saying "Warning Contains nuts".

Well that could be a thing of the past.  Someone with a nut allergy complained about lots of small bags of nuts being opened in the confined space of an aeroplane affecting them, so as far as I'm aware they don't issue them as aircraft snacks anymore.

As to the "Warning Contains Nuts" on packets of nuts, it's because there might be traces of other types of nuts, different to the labelled nut contents.  

[Retired Bob]

56 minutes ago, bootneck said:

Didn't somebody, decades ago in the US, sue a microwave company, because it didn't say "do not put wet poodles into microwave to dry them after walks"?

I did read about someone that was driving his new motor home along the freeway, he put it on cruise control and went to the kitchen to make some coffee.  After the inevitable crash he sued the manufacturers because the handbook did not state that when you were driving on cruise control you had to remain at the controls. 

[ArnoldAmbrose]

3 hours ago, Retired Bob said:

he put it on cruise control and went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Yeah, I've heard that one too. The worrying thing is that these type of people aren't sterile, they breed the next generation similar idiots.

 

We've gone a bit OT, and I've probably contributed to that. 🙂

 

Here's one, sorry if it's been said before :-

My son entered an art gallery with a camera and asked security if he could take a picture. They said yes. But when he tried to leave the security guys tackled him, took the picture off him and hung it back on the wall. 😁

Regards, Jeff.

[Bullbasket]

9 hours ago, Retired Bob said:

, so as far as I'm aware they don't issue them as aircraft snacks anymore.

That's why I said "used to". I can remember this happening back in the lat '80s

 

John.

[Retired Bob]

1 hour ago, Bullbasket said:

That's why I said "used to". I can remember this happening back in the lat '80s

I don't fly much now, but I'm sure I've had some nuts on a plane since then.  There's a film idea "nuts on a plane" all the crew are incapacitated by a nut allergy, can any passenger fly the plane?

[Bullbasket]

7 hours ago, Retired Bob said:

There's a film idea "nuts on a plane" all the crew are incapacitated by a nut allergy, can any passenger fly the plane?

Flight into Danger??

[Admiral Puff]

Nuts on a plane? That immediately brings to mind pictures of 34 Sqn RAAF and flights into/out of Canberra ...

[Retired Bob]

2 minutes ago, Admiral Puff said:

Nuts on a plane? That immediately brings to mind pictures of 34 Sqn RAAF and flights into/out of Canberra ...

That could be the sequel.  

[bentwaters81tfw]

I hope they've all been safety wired.

[Welkin]

22 hours ago, ArnoldAmbrose said:

Yeah, I've heard that one too. The worrying thing is that these type of people aren't sterile, they breed the next generation similar idiots.

That's why we have the Darwin Awards!

[ArnoldAmbrose]

10 hours ago, Bullbasket said:

18 hours ago, Retired Bob said:

There's a film idea "nuts on a plane" all the crew are incapacitated by a nut allergy, can any passenger fly the plane?

Flight into Danger??

Yeah, that's what I thought. The book was by Arthur Hailey and John Castle I think. I read it long ago. I didn't know they'd made a film of it. The film 'Flying High" took the mickey out of that too if I recall.       Regards, Jeff.

[Kiwidave4]

A New Zealand Maori chief was being asked why tattoos are so important for his tribe.
He replies that the back & shoulder ones mean the most to his people.
The interviewer asks, "Why?"
He replies, "When my people they are upset I let them colour in the tattoos, because sometimes people just need a shoulder to crayon."

[pigsty]

I've just read a book covered in marmalade.  It was brilliant - I couldn't put it down.

[Bertie McBoatface]

3 minutes ago, pigsty said:

I've just read a book covered in marmalade.  It was brilliant - I couldn't put it down.

 

Antigravity. The book was on antigravity!

[psdavidson]

Is it too early for Christmas cracker jokes?

 

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree

 

 

 

A Pineapple

 

[2996 Victor]

One liberated from a Christmas cracker this very evening:

 

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

 

A. A Christmas quacker.

 

🎩 🧥

[Fnick]

Which snake is good at maths?

 

Wait for it...

 

An adder

 

🧥 🚪🏃‍♂️

 

Nick

[bootneck]

Which snake was the comedian?   the Python.

 

Which snake wouldn't you trust?  the Grass

 

 

[jenko]

Which snake losses your interest ? ....     The Boa

 

And over a short period of time...... constricted  

[bentwaters81tfw]

What a load of Cobras

[jenko]

Or the musical

 

 

Mamba Mia

[psdavidson]

with the latest dance craze, the snake-n-vac

[jenko]

My original thought was.

 

Mamba Mia earwig go again. 

 

But that was more creepy