Steve from Orange has passed the baton.

[Bullbasket]

We have two separate phones in our house, one landline and one internet phone. This morning the internet phone rings and I notice the number began with 09. I ignored it. Then the landline rings and the number calling is the same. Straight away, I smell a rat, a two legged one. So I answer it. A very quite, scratchy voice, doing a perfect impersonation of Peter Sellars says.

"Mr B-----?

Yes.

This is Jack from Orange.

Hi Jack. What can I do for you?

We have noticed some unusual activity on your internet connection.

Really?

Yes. Have you noticed that your connection seems to have slowed down lately?

No, in fact it's working very well.

But have you noticed that your computer has slowed down?

No, in fact it too seems to be working perfectly.

Well could you turn on your computer please?

Sorry Jack, but I can't do that.

Why not?

Because you'd only go and **** my computer up.

Why would I do that?

Because you are a piece of low, pond life  scammer."

 

And do you know what. He had the audacity to hang up on me before I could tell him that I wished he would contract covid and die gasping for breath. Some people are so inconsiderate. No doubt he will phone back in the future. Or maybe Steve will resurrect. 

 

John.

 

[dogsbody]

If I even bother to answer the phone I usually give those useless P.O.S. the standard two-word, old Anglo-Saxon response, shouted loudly.

 

 

 

Chris

[jackroadkill]

I'd just like to point out that I'm not Jack from Orange, despite my username and avatar.

[fatfingers]

Had a call at the weekend from 'BT'

Chappie said he was called Dave (sounded like Apu from The Simpsons) and that he had noticed my internet was slow. He then asked that i turn on my laptop and allow him access. Told him no. When asked why i told him that i was not prepared to allow him to nick all of my personal information and then go on a shopping spree at my expense. After a short pause he asked if i was acusing him of being a scammer. Well done i say, you win a cookie. Now go forth and multiply you dirty thieving bar steward.

Now looking forward to getting a call from the 'Inland Revenue' 

Latest one to do the rounds is a text or call to inform you your National Insurance Number has been suspended! 

 

Regards,

 

Steve

[Mr T]

I have had the suspension of my National Insurance Number as well as the National Crime Agency telling me about the fraud charge pending and the Amazon person telling me about the £399 coming out of my account for an IPhone. 

Nice of the NCA to give me good warning so the shredder etc can work overtime. 

As Prostetcnic Vogon Jeltz would say 'death is too good for them' after reading his poetry to them

[noelh]

There's a video on YouTube where a guy who obviously had some expertise tracked down the scammers like that to a building in India. In fact he actually hacked into their cctv system and actually watched them in action, even a meeting of their managers. 

 

In the end he was able to convince the local police and several were arrested. 

 

But as you know these reptiles never give up. 

[Vince1159]

10 hours ago, noelh said:

But as you know these reptiles never give up. 

Are you trying to give reptiles a bad name....

[Hoppy]

I worked for our government telco for many years and in the days before caller ID , call blocking etc, we would advise people who were getting nuisance calls, which in them days was mostly the heavy breathing kind, to keep a large whistle by the phone. Only have to use it once , guaranteed you will  never have them call back.

Edited May 7, 2021 by Hoppy

[Whofan]

I've had the Amazon one where £399 was taken from my Amazon Prime account, and irony of ironies, I had the Inland Revenue have issued a warrant for my arrest, which as I used to work for Revenue and Customs I found amusing.

 

Unfortunately I wasn't prepared to py however much it was to press 1 and speak to an agent, because I would probably have had a lot of fun. 

 

And the Royal mail text re appeared a few days ago, the one that says you must pay £2.99 for your parcel.

 

If I ever get to speak to Jack, or sometimes Jill, I usua;lly let them get so far, then say, sadly, Does your father know you're a thief?

 

One was so angry at me she hung up!

[Des]

Had the Inland Revenue one a couple of times , usually a recorded message but on one occasion a couple of weeks ago actually a live caller , scared the wits out of our cleaner when I calmly suggested that the caller go and kill himself and then started to enumerate some easy ways by which he could facilitate this , he hung up and not had any of those ones since , cleaner now looks at me funny though.

 

Have found with the accident claim calls that if you engage but insist that 'it was only a minibus full of nuns and orphans and I was drunk' then start demanding my money over and over and over they always chicken out first and hang up.

[alt-92]

20 hours ago, noelh said:

But as you know these reptiles never give up. 

The ringleaders usually get off lightly and start again a few weeks later.

Sad part is imho the ones having to make the calls, I've seen the same kind of exposés but with the kicker that the people manning the phones can't leave easily because their papers are taken 'for safekeeping'. 

[dnl42]

20 hours ago, noelh said:

There's a video on YouTube where a guy who obviously had some expertise tracked down the scammers like that to a building in India. In fact he actually hacked into their cctv system and actually watched them in action, even a meeting of their managers. 

 

In the end he was able to convince the local police and several were arrested. 

 

But as you know these reptiles never give up. 

That's Mark Rober. His "Glitter Bomb" videos are quite entertaining.  The video you mention grew out of one of them.

[JohnT]

I have a friend who listens very politely for a few minutes and then asks “Have you opened your heart to the Lord and will you join me in prayer?”  Usually gets them off the line quickly. And then there is the Tom Mabe approach- search Tom Mabe Cold caller wind up. 

 

[brianthemodeller]

I had one yesterday - wanted to take control of my laptop to correct some problem or other. Told him where he could stick the laptop.

 

Unfortunately, I got a call from my boss about 15 minutes later to tell me he had received a complaint from our IT department...oh how we laughed!

[Des]

A few years back as my 65th. birthday was rapidly approaching and I had yet to receive a Pension Forecast I contacted the DWP and was told that there was a bit of a back-log of cases but someone would call me back within a number of working days and give me the information because of delays with the official paperwork but I forgot to mention this to my wife.

 

Couple of days later I had been out and when I returned forementioned wife was fuming about the bare-faced cheek of some bloke with a very broad indian accent who had phoned up claiming to be from the DWP and asking to speak to me but not to worry 'she had sorted him out' !!!

 

That was an embarrassing return call to the DWP.

[dogsbody]

My wife answered the phone a few years ago. It was someone with a heavy Indian accent, who said his name was Gerald and he was calling about some issues he had detected on her PC. After talking to him for 20 minutes and listening to his mounting frustrations of not being able to  see anything on his computer, that's when the missus told him that she wasn't on the PC but on her MAC laptop. The phone suddenly went silent!.

 

Two points to the wife!

 

 

 

Chris

[JohnT]

7 hours ago, brianthemodeller said:

I had one yesterday - wanted to take control of my laptop to correct some problem or other. Told him where he could stick the laptop.

 

Unfortunately, I got a call from my boss about 15 minutes later to tell me he had received a complaint from our IT department...oh how we laughed!

 

3 hours ago, Des said:

A few years back as my 65th. birthday was rapidly approaching and I had yet to receive a Pension Forecast I contacted the DWP and was told that there was a bit of a back-log of cases but someone would call me back within a number of working days and give me the information because of delays with the official paperwork but I forgot to mention this to my wife.

 

Couple of days later I had been out and when I returned forementioned wife was fuming about the bare-faced cheek of some bloke with a very broad indian accent who had phoned up claiming to be from the DWP and asking to speak to me but not to worry 'she had sorted him out' !!!

 

That was an embarrassing return call to the DWP.

Slightly off topic but you guys remind me of a story and it’s too good not to tell. The late Paddy Ashdown MP, author and former Royal Marine wrote an excellent book on the cockleshell heroes raid. In his book he tells a story against himself. If I recall it’s along the lines of his unit had been on an exhausting exercise and just wanted a snooze on the train back when a smartly turned out elderly gentleman approached Ashdown and enquired how he was and what they had been up to. In short a very tired Ashdown couldn’t be bothered with a nosey civilian and told him it was classified and rudely sent him on his way. The man apologised and moved on. At that point his mates clustered round demanding to know what the old guy had been saying. A perplexed Ashdown told them what he had said much to his mates amusement. They then told him he had been speaking to Blondie Hasler, one of the two survivors or the raid and a legend in the Corps. Ashdown to his credit says it makes him cringe inwardly every time he thinks of it. 

[Richard E]

On 5/7/2021 at 9:41 AM, Whofan said:

If I ever get to speak to Jack, or sometimes Jill, I usua;lly let them get so far, then say, sadly, Does your father know you're a thief?

 

I accused Jack of being a thief when he last called me - from the tone of his voice when he insisted that he wasn't and he really was calling from Microsoft I think he was genuinely offended that I was questioning his integrity,

[Whofan]

3 minutes ago, Richard E said:

 

I accused Jack of being a thief when he last called me - from the tone of his voice when he insisted that he wasn't and he really was calling from Microsoft I think he was genuinely offended that I was questioning his integrity,

I must say that I've experienced that, too; to me, it's quite funny that they get offended!

[Des]

Take with a pinch a NaCl time.

 

Call from a guy who insisted on telling me . . . . .

 

"I'm the dandy highwayman who you're to scared to mention.     I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention".

 

Kept on trying to tell him that he had a wrong number . . . . .  but he was adamant.

[Black Knight]

Did you really just stand and deliver that to us for a *groan*

[Mike]

8 minutes ago, Black Knight said:

Did you really just stand and deliver that to us for a *groan*

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of…

[Army_Air_Force]

I play the "Hello hello" game, pretending I can't hear them and see how long I can keep them on the line. A minute is my record so far, which is a lot of saying hello, them thinking I'm listening and then asking if I can hear them. Just when they think I'm hearing them, I start with the hello hello again.

 

The other game I play is when they ask is Mr Carr there, I say one moment, put the handset on my laptop speakers and play background music from the 1980's ZX Spectrum game, "BC Bill". Every so often, I pick up the handset and say "Your call is valuable to us" and put them back on hold again to see how long I can keep them there.

Edited May 22, 2021 by Army_Air_Force
spelling error

[Whofan]

On 07/05/2021 at 15:03, Des said:

Have found with the accident claim calls that if you engage but insist that 'it was only a minibus full of nuns and orphans and I was drunk' then start demanding my money over and over and over they always chicken out first and hang up.

 

I used to put on a puzzled voice and ask them what accident? When was I in an accident? Was I hurt? which most of them hang up after that.

 

However, I like the idea of giving them an outrageous story and demanding the money!

[Toe]

I'm feeling left out now, 😁 never get any of this, maybe because I never answer an unknown or number I don't recognise on my home or mobile phone, ignore all emails that I don't know, not that I get alot anyway because I have a separate "junk" email address for websites I'm not sure on. Always put a number I don't know on Goggle too to see if others have had problems, 9 times out of 10 it's a dodgy one 🙄

Have the view if it's important from an unknown number they'll ring back, caller display is an absolute must though