Black Knight Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 to all those who celebrate it, and to those who don't (and just why do you not? eh?) I know its late in the day but its still Burns Night Someone has already put up that awful Burns joke over in the Long Jokes thread. Go look it up. I will not link to it cos its just so awful, but funny too Due to these bloomin covid restrictions I couldn't get to the butchers for my Haggis nor could I go out hunting for one I find my method of hunting haggis works well I use a trebuchet A perfectly round stone weighing a Scots 1/2 ton launched from 1.2216 miles exactly aimed to land exactly 20 feet behind the haggis just as it puts its head down to graze thistle-grass. When the stone hits the ground it causes the haggis to launch high into the air where-upon its caught by my specially bred hawk-hound and the haggis is brought back to me, stunned and surprised. Its not polite to leave big boulders just laying around, plus they are hard to get now so I need to collect the boulder for re-use I find this a very quick method. From first launching, through collection of the boulder to second launching and collecting the second haggis can be as quick as two days. Less time if I have half-a-dozen other drunken eejits helping me. But alas alack, woe to me, I wasn't allowed out to take my treb up in to the Sperrins for hunting. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 And to you too my armoured friend! And my your lassies sark aye by cutty One practical piece of advice. If ever asked to do a turn at a Burns night insist you say the Grace out of religious convictions. His Selkirk Grace is only four lines long Sit back eat and drink job done 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Knight Posted January 25, 2021 Author Share Posted January 25, 2021 Thats the Grace I always use on all occasions It canna be bettered I used to hunt haggis using long bow and arrows but I had to give that up when I got my hawk-hound. He kept going after the arrows, catching them and bringing them back to me daft hound! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Timmy Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 I just stumbled into this thread.... I'm confused .....have I had too much to drink??? What is "Burns Night? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorfinn Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 Proudly being of Scots ancestry myself, I always celebrate Burns Night with my Uncles Hamish and Dougal. ("You'll have had your haggis, then....") 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince1159 Posted January 26, 2021 Share Posted January 26, 2021 38 minutes ago, Little Timmy said: I just stumbled into this thread.... I'm confused .....have I had too much to drink??? What is "Burns Night? Google 'Robert Burns'... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_W Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 I use the old method of chasing the haggis anti clockwise round the mountain so they fall over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted January 28, 2021 Share Posted January 28, 2021 Or see here ... www.britmodeller.com/forums/index.php?/topic/234994800-long-ish-jokes/page/18/#comments (Go down to the bottom - an oldie, but a goodie) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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