Gorby Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Jehlik's Armoured Vehicle 1916 In your, frankly disappointing universe, Jehlik's armoured vehicle didn't progress any further than the filing cabinets of the US patent office, but in mine it went on to a gloriously disastrous career. Why limit yourself to this pretty uninspiring reality when a quick browse through the other more interesting alternatives is significantly more entertaining. Anton J Jehlik was mad. Madder than the maddest mad thing ever to hop though madland, you'd have to be to have designed this: Silly isn't it. Sillier still when you know that the big roller is on the front and the bangy things are pointing backwards. Aaaannnyyyway…. It's generally considered that the Americans were supposed to join the WWI party in 1917. However, in 1916 they got themselves a brand new toy and couldn't wait to play with it. The original idea was for the roller-beast to be built in vast numbers in a shipyard on England’s south coast, before the British government tactfully declined, stating “There's no ******* way we want to be involved with such a studi...”, well... the details aren’t important. The contract went to a ship yard near Boston who built eleven metal monsters before they ran out of steel. The machines went through exhaustive testing to see what they could achieve, and isn't it remarkable how fast a nations jubilation can turn to despair – squashing the marching band during the military parade can sometimes do that. With great fanfare the army held a service-wide competition to pick the crew, and the losers started their training soon afterwards. Jehlik became a national hero… briefly, before changing his name and seeking asylum in Andorra where he lived out the remainder of his days breeding with sheep, sorry I mean breeding sheep. After six of them ended up keeping the Titanic company on the bottom of the Atlantic, the remaining five machines trundled ashore in France. The initial surge of joy from the French was soon extinguished after the fourth village was reduced to rubble in the attempt to get the machines to the front. Their début on the battlefield would have been a great success, but as the existence of the roller beast was difficult to hide, those cowardly Bosch had dug a long pit in front of their trenches which caused the first four behemoths to get their silly rear castors stuck. How unsporting is that? The Americans wrote a very strongly worded letter to the kaiser saying it really wasn't fair as they were looking forward to a damn good squishing. To show the strength of their feeling they even omitted the kisses from the end. The kaiser missed the post that day as he was at the bingo. Here we see the sole survivor, number 7 which also had the official name 'USLS (United Sates Land Ship) Friendly Fire' which became the only one to engage the enemy. Enabling the American to successfully take the German trench after finding the occupants helpless with laughter after seeing the roller-beast get stuck on a tiny muddy mound. The ref later ruled the American move to be off-side and they had to go back to their own hole in the ground, leaving the score nil-nil. And so Jehlik's monster was edited out of history by an embarrassed nation. Aaannnyyyway… This took about six months in total. Thanks for havin a ganders - I hope you like it. 39 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burncpt Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 I love it, love it. Not just the modelling which is stonking but the endless reasons why it's utterly preposterous. The work of a man with not only no understanding of a WW1 battlefield, but what must have been some sort of vendetta against natural iron reserves. From the fact that in spite of its gargantuan size, he couldn't find anywhere for the peeps inside besides a vulnerable pointy bit on top, to the rear (front? oh God which is it?) which is one enormous shot trap. Even vintage lawn mowers have the roller in two or more pieces so you can, y'know, steer; this thing mush have been like a giant wind up toy. Once you've set it rolling it goes straight until it hits the skirting-boa... I mean a house. Unless there's a medium-sized pothole in the way. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longbow Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Outstanding !! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 This disproves the adage that its a fine line between genius and insanity. No, not a fine line. A huge yawning chasm here. And he crossed it in his mind even if that monstrosity couldn't cross a wet paper bag!! Its like a monster Dyson paper towel dispenser. Perhaps the sequel could be that the remaining survivors didn't make it past their own front line. Were to be towed away and scrapped as useless and after three days they had only got them turned round after breaking every tow rope they could find. By chance it was then that a passing French liaison mission passed by and one Monsieur Maginot thought "Mon Dieu et si nous achetions juste ces derniers et les laissons là......ils seront utiles la prochaine fois, non??? " Brilliant model and dio though so at least one good thing came from his fevered mind. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim R-T-C Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 I love these attempts to realise utterly daft proposals into reality. Stunning work and a fun story too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keefr22 Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Brilliant stuff, great model and a wonderfully entertaining back story! Keith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Nice to see that they removed your straightjacket long enough for you to make another one. At least it's not coal fired this time. Or is it? I didn't see a filler cap for the diesel. Steering would probably be the least of it's problems. Rearward firing guns. Hmmmm Shame about the tread on the roller, It could have rolled two Cricket pitches at once. Was this bloke related to a certain Mr Baldrick? Do we need to ask @general melchett? 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeroenS Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 What a great piece of modelling, that! As usual you managed to present an absolute monstrosity in a very appealing way. The thing reminds me of my grandfathers first electric razor. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dnl42 Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 That's a hoot! Funnier still, the inventor actually thought the thing was steerable. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homer Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Nice to see something completely " errr" 🤔 just trying to find the word ,thats it "MAD" .I hope they got that inventor some medical help ,he must have been on one mad trip .The model and diorama you have produced are excellent, well done nice work 👏. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Very nice diorama.😀 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorby Posted December 29, 2020 Author Share Posted December 29, 2020 Thanks @burncpt @Longbow @JohnT @Tim R-T-C @keefr22 @Pete in Lincs @JeroenS @dnl42 @Homer & @swralph for your comments and everyone else for your 'likes'. Being the worlds foremost expert in one of the most useless machines ever to have been imagined ( I certainly understand it better than Jehlik ever did), I would love to bore you into a coma with all the inadequacies and downright stupidities of the design, but I wouldn't want to be accused of filling the internet. Needless to say, the roller-beast would have been more of a liability than an asset and it's own troops and particularly the crew would more likely to come to serious harm than the baddies. There were several occasion when I wondered why I was spending a serious chunk of my remaining life building something who's design should have been burned the instant is was drawn. If fact the paper should have been burned long before it was drawn. It's completely ridiculous – and that's why I love it. @Pete in Lincs Fool! Steam is so last week! This was the totally modern, up the minute, cutting edge war machine powered by those new fangled infernal internal combustion jobbies – three of them in fact. The two filler caps are on the top because where else to put the highly explosive/flammable fuel tank other than directly above the crew? 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roginoz Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Fantastic, another @Gorby classic !! I'm hoping that, somewhere, there's a "work in progress", we need to know your state of mind while building this behemoth !! Great stuff ! Rog 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorby Posted December 29, 2020 Author Share Posted December 29, 2020 23 minutes ago, roginoz said: I'm hoping that, somewhere, there's a "work in progress" Thanks @roginoz There is a work in progress the the beast and the dio, but not on this site and unfortunately I can't give you a link or I'll be banned from BM. Although for this WIP I actually wrote about modelling, which was a bit of a novelty for me. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
general melchett Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Quote Do we need to ask general melchett? You certainly do!....I need one of these for the Victory garden, damn moles (furry critters, not Jerry morse-tappers). Interesting concept, looks like an unholy hybrid of a 1950 ATCO lawn mower and a heavily armed, pre-war bread bin. Lovely job. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Good grief!! I'd love to see it's transporter. Your skill knows no bounds Mark. And nor does your barmyness, so I'll whisper quietly............Napoleon XlV. John. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 5 hours ago, roginoz said: we need to know your state of mind while building this behemoth !! I'm not so sure. It may involve the naughty step. Or intensive care. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TEXANTOMCAT Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Absolutely mental. Brilliant! TT 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonhoff Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 One of the tenet's of the RFI is that we should give "polite and constructive criticism" Is that even possible with this? I mean c'mon! How much cheese had to be consumed before someone came up with this idea in their sleep? Is Mrs Gorby aware that her Bissell carpet cleaner was pinched and painted green? In any case, brilliantly barking mad, I feel a little bit miffed that I wasn't able to go through a hugely edukashunal build log but hope that you'll find another, er, "interesting" subject soon to entertain us with. IanJ 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Could it be airlifted? I’d guess about 150 Sopwiths or perhaps half a dozen airships? If the latter perhaps inspiration for Heineken’s Zwilling concept and the Gigant Most fun model I’ve seen in a long time bravo 👏 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 I think @Gorby needs to tell us where he keeps getting the plans for these things, Then we can have it burnt down. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelfspace Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Magnificent. Wonderful modelling, and a true tank for 2020... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorby Posted December 30, 2020 Author Share Posted December 30, 2020 20 hours ago, Bonhoff said: How much cheese had to be consumed before someone came up with this idea in their sleep? 20 hours ago, JohnT said: Could it be airlifted? I’d guess about 150 Sopwiths or perhaps half a dozen airships? If the latter perhaps inspiration for Heineken’s Zwilling concept and the Gigant 20 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said: I think @Gorby needs to tell us where he keeps getting the plans for these things, Then we can have it burnt down. It is a very silly tanky thing, but after having a look though Google patents, it starts to look rational in comparison to some. The most ridiculous by quite a large margin is 'Atherton's Self-Propelled Fort': https://patents.google.com/patent/GB125610A/en?q=~patent%2fUS1195680A&page=36 It was supposed to be 300 feet high – the red arrow is pointing to a human figure. You'd have to tether it to the moon to get it to move. And before you ask, I'm NOT building the bloody thing! Thanks for all the comment mates. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonhoff Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 43 minutes ago, Gorby said: And before you ask, I'm NOT building the bloody thing! 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 42 minutes ago, Gorby said: And before you ask, I'm NOT building the bloody thing! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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