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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser


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11 hours ago, GordonD said:

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It's no true kit collectors, because really kit collectors always know where put more and more kits!

😉😎😁

Probably it's beginner's

kit collectors?

😉😁😁

 

B.R.

Serge

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Found this on PPRuNe, and thought I would share it here:

A young Arab passes away and is excited to get to paradise where he is met by the gatekeeper

GATEKEEPER ..... welcome to paradise , we have 3 sections -Jews -Christians -Muslims so choose the one you want
ARAB ................ my Imam promised me 72 virgins would be waiting for me in paradise , so take me to them please
GATEKEEPER .... hmmmm ... are you sure ?? ... it is not what you are expecting .... virgins are hard to find
ARAB ......... never mind the small details , I want my 72 virgins and the feast that was promised to me
GATEKEEPER .... very well , but you will not be able to change your mind afterwards.
ARAB ............. I will take my chances , I am too hungry and too horny to care about details
GATEKEEPER ..... very well , follow me

The ARAB is surprised when the GATEKEEPER unlocks the entrance to the Christian section ..... he is led into a large building with multiple doors and above one door is a sign .... BANQUET HALL for FEASTING VIRGINS

ARAB ..... OK ..... it is fine with me if it is in the Christian section .... open the door and let me in please.

The Gatekeeper unlocks the door , the Arab steps in ... and finds a room full of Elderly Roman Catholic Nuns .... eating Pork

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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

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...Doctor: what’s the matter?

Patient: doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my rear end

Doctor: how’s that?

Patient: Oh don’t you start
 

 

My wife says she's leaving me due to my obsession with cricket.

I'll be honest, it's knocked me for six.

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Guy gets sent to prison. 1st night, someone yells 39, whole prison laughs. Next night, someone yells 2, prison again erupts in laughter. Guy asks lifer what gives. Lifer explains there’s a joke book, been passed around for years. Dudes memorize a jokes number in the book and take turns of calling it out to pass the time

 

The guy gets the book and memorises a few. 

That night he yells, 24!!! Nothing...

Next night, 9!! 

He asks the lifer the next day what’s happening... 

Lifer says: Don’t worry, some people just can’t tell jokes

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On 07/11/2020 at 10:50, Truro Model Builder said:

Somebody was letting fireworks off at my windows last night.

 

That's bang out of order.

Hope you have given them a rocket 

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3 hours ago, 593jones said:


Up there with the Aberdeen Press and Journal I believe reporting “Aberdeen man lost at sea” when the Titanic sank

 

 

Urban myth perhaps but a kernel of truth in there

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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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I've just heard that Boris Johnson has sent a delegation of Aldi checkout operators over to the US to help count the votes.

When interviewed, Carol (One of Aldi's supervisors) said "We should have the job done in a couple of hours"

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A Navy officer was walking through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and chanced upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on a table.

"Sailor!" the officer boomed. "Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?"

"No, sir," replied the sailor, "but we don't land airplanes on the roof either!"

 

Simon.

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One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear were sitting in the snow. The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, "Dad, am I 100% polar bear?"

"Of course, son, you're 100% polar bear."

A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, "Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?"

"Son, I'm 100% polar bear and your mother is 100% polar bear, so you're certainly 100% polar bear."

A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear again turns to his father and says, "Dad, don't think your sparing my feelings if it's not true. I really need to know... am I really 100% polar bear?"

Distressed by this continued questioning, the father polar bear finally asked his son, "Why do you keep asking if you're 100% polar bear?"

"Because I'm freezing to death out here!"

 

Simon.

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