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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser


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A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of Jesus' family. After collecting the drawings, she noticed that one little boy's drawing depicted an airplane with four heads sticking out of the windows. "I see you drew three heads to show Joseph, Mary and Jesus," she said to the boy. "But who does the fourth head belong to?"

The boy replied, "That's Pontius the pilot."

 

Simon.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife shared a story about a courier driver who dropped in on a couple to see if everything was ok because there was no delivery from Amazon for the wife that day. Then she said, that reminds me of you dear. I don't  know what she was on about. I've never been a courier driver. ;)

Steve.

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What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

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On 02/04/2022 at 04:54, Kiwidave4 said:

A few years ago I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.

 

It was a flop.

 

:facepalm: :wall:To stevehnz, RAF4EVER, jenko and the 8 others, you should be ashamed of yourselves and must stop encouraging Kiwidave4

 

:lol:

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2 hours ago, Tony C said:

 

:facepalm: :wall:To stevehnz, RAF4EVER, jenko and the 8 others, you should be ashamed of yourselves and must stop encouraging Kiwidave4

 

:lol:

It all depends on which leg,if it'd been a flip it'd be a marketing winner..

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3 hours ago, Tony C said:

 

:facepalm: :wall:To stevehnz, RAF4EVER, jenko and the 8 others, you should be ashamed of yourselves and must stop encouraging Kiwidave4

 

:lol:

 

I tried but didn't have a leg to stand on.

 

Dick

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One night at the dinner table, a wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more..."

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

 

 

Simon.

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10 hours ago, Tony C said:

 

:facepalm: :wall:To stevehnz, RAF4EVER, jenko and the 8 others, you should be ashamed of yourselves and must stop encouraging Kiwidave4

 

:lol:

 

 

In my neck of the woods the footwear in question is known as a jandal, so basically the joke - I use the term loosely - only works in the UK.

 

While we like to claim the jandal as a Kiwi original I believe they were actually designed by a Frenchman - Phillipe Fallope.

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It works in Canada too.  I still look at my cousins from the US funny when they call flip flops "thongs."

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An Englishman is chatting with a French friend and starts to recount him his concerns about recent news regarding the British Royal Family:

 

"Did you know that Harry just left his castle to go to the USA? It's rather disrupting, isn't it?"

 

and the Frenchman answers:

 

"No, I didn't know. I do agree it is.

"What did they think about when they spread out the school holidays in such a disruptive way at Hogwarts?"

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21 hours ago, ErikT said:

It works in Canada too.  I still look at my cousins from the US funny when they call flip flops "thongs."

Pumps is another example, it's only recently I discovered that in the context of footwear the America and British meanings are very different:

 

UK - flat soled soft shoes, historically used for indoor sport before trainers (or sneakers if you prefer) became popular in the 80s. Could most commonly be seen on the feet of school children in PE lessons.

US - women's high heeled shoes (but not boots)

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Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it. The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives - thumbs down again.Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes – unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.

 

 

Simon.

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What do you call a fly with no wings and no kegs.

 

 

 

A roll..

 

 

What do do you call a fly with no wings, no legs and no body?

 

 

 

 

 

Ed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I've just been arrested for stealing a hundred tins of Alphabetti Spaghetti.  My lawyer thinks I'll get a long sentence.

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