GordonD Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 Brutus walks into a bar. The Bayern Munich - Barcelona game is on TV. "What's the score, Caesar?" he asks. 3 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 14 hours ago, GordonD said: Brutus walks into a bar. The Bayern Munich - Barcelona game is on TV. "What's the score, Caesar?" he asks. Clever Gordon. Very clever. I had to think about that for a while. John. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 38 minutes ago, Bullbasket said: Clever Gordon. Very clever. I had to think about that for a while. John. I thought it was funnier if you had to work out the punchline! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 I've started a new hobby of collecting calculators. I've managed to get over a hundred within a week. It’s incredible how they add up. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 I don't know why all these kids are so worried about their exam results and how it's going to affect their university choices. At the end of the day McDonald's aren't that fussy who they employ. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted August 19, 2020 Author Share Posted August 19, 2020 Before our AGM at the Arthritis Fellowship, in honour of Black Lives Matter, we all took the ooh- ow, can't get up again! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 12 hours ago, Truro Model Builder said: I've started a new hobby of collecting calculators. I've managed to get over a hundred within a week. It’s incredible how they add up. I've got a growing collection too but my preference is divided between those that add up and those that multiply. I can't really get to the root of the difference. 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Once upon a time there was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my head". "What I want you to do", the man continued, "is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong". So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. For centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was................. and all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline. 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 On 8/19/2020 at 10:26 PM, Circloy said: I've got a growing collection too but my preference is divided between those that add up and those that multiply. I can't really get to the root of the difference. I started reading this and got subtracted.... however on the plus side............................... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted August 22, 2020 Author Share Posted August 22, 2020 (edited) A vicar was sitting in his seat on a small commuter-style aircraft when both engines failed. As the nose dipped downwards the pilot hurried out into the cabin. "Does anyone here believe in the power of prayer?" he asked the passengers. Instantly the vicar's hand shot up. "I do," he announced confidently. "That's excellent news, father," the pilot replied. "We're one parachute short." Edited August 22, 2020 by Truro Model Builder 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Belbin Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 On 19/08/2020 at 09:07, Bullbasket said: Clever Gordon. Very clever. I had to think about that for a while. John. I’m still thinking about it . . . Nick 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 51 minutes ago, Nick Belbin said: I’m still thinking about it . . . Nick When you get it, let me know please. Steve. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Belbin Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 Don’t hold your breath! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 I'm no footy fan, and I got it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Belbin Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 It’s to do with football?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 22, 2020 Share Posted August 22, 2020 43 minutes ago, Nick Belbin said: It’s to do with football?? Yes you see Caesar told Brutus the score was VIII -II Brutus was a Barcelona fan and just looked daggers and Caesar got the point 4 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Showed it to my football mad 19 year old, took him about 3 nano seconds. "et tu Brutus". I was never going to get that in 3 millennia. I do now though. Steve. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 3 hours ago, stevehnz said: Showed it to my football mad 19 year old, took him about 3 nano seconds. "et tu Brutus". I was never going to get that in 3 millennia. I do now though. Steve. Been there, worn the T shirt and starred in the video too. It’s the look you get off them too 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted August 23, 2020 Author Share Posted August 23, 2020 My wife was furious when the birthday party for our seven year old son that she had spent several days preparing for was promptly broken up and dispersed by the police. They showed up and said our back garden gathering was "a COVID risk". Mostly so because she caught me slipping that police sergeant £100 beforehand so I was able to go upstairs and get on with some model making in peace and quiet. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 I'm eight days in self-isolation and it's very upsetting to see my wife standing at the window, gazing aimlessly into space, tears rolling down her cheeks. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have even considered letting her in, but rules are rules... 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 Finally it happened, the flightattendant asked "is there a doctor on this plane?" and I leaped up and said yes. Did a tracheotomy at 30000ft with a rasorblade and a ballpoint pen. He didn't make it, but the thrill was undeniable. Seriously thinking about going to the doctor school now... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 My kids want a cat for Christmas... Normally we do Turkey, but if it makes them happy... 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Belbin Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 9 hours ago, stevehnz said: I do now though. Steve. Even though I worked all round that and even said the quote out loud, the penny still didn’t drop!!! Am I the victim of Covidiocy?? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 If so, You are not alone. Moving on.... When I die I want to be buried with my old record collection. It'll be my vinyl resting place. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.” Satan asked, “Aren’t you going to run?” “Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man. Satan asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?” The man replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.” Simon. 1 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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