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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser


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10 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said:

What do you call a lady who can balance two cans of Fosters Lager on her nose?

 

Beatrix.

But what about if she’s playing snooker at the same time?

 

Beatrix Potter!!!

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What do you call a man without a spade on his head?

Douglas.

 

What do you call a man with a crane on his head?

Derek.

 

What do you call a man who’s always there when you need him?

Andy.

 

What do you call a man in a brown paper suit?

Russell.

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My grandfather was a peeping tom. He drilled holes in the floor to watch the downstairs neighbours. He passed away recently but I like to think he's up there, looking down on us.

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Where ever I walked today I kept leaving black foot marks.

 

Must be my carbon foot print.

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Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors.

 

He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects.

 

At the end he asked for a decision.

 

I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it

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2 hours ago, Circloy said:

Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors.

 

He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects.

 

At the end he asked for a decision.

 

I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it

 

 

You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off.

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34 minutes ago, Kiwidave4 said:

 

 

You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off.

Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. 

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16 hours ago, 825 said:

Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. 

 

Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed!

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1 minute ago, Tony C said:

Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed!

So true, so true.

It becomes an art form ....

 

 

Simon.

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The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

 

Simon.

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A woman was stopped by supermarket security bulk buying Ice Cream, Tinned Fruit and Raspberry Sauce.

When questioned she claimed it was a legitimate purchase, as lockdown was expected to last for a Month of Sundae's.....

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what do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other

....Ilene 

 

what do you call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other

....Irene

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I once fell out of bed.  Well, fell or was pushed, when I came round I could hear SWMBO sniggering from her side of the bed.

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