Admiral Puff 2,242 Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 What do you call a bloke on his knees? Neil ... Link to post Share on other sites
Kiwidave4 3,490 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call a lady who can balance two cans of Fosters Lager on her nose? Beatrix. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mick4350 1,639 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call someone floating in a pool ? Bob. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fatcawthorne 1,171 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 10 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said: What do you call a lady who can balance two cans of Fosters Lager on her nose? Beatrix. But what about if she’s playing snooker at the same time? Beatrix Potter!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Welkin 182 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas. What do you call a man with a crane on his head? Derek. What do you call a man who’s always there when you need him? Andy. What do you call a man in a brown paper suit? Russell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fifer54 1,200 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 deleted- repitition . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Truro Model Builder 5,402 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Truro Model Builder 5,402 Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 At this time of year I often think of my grandparents, Pearl and Dean, but to me they will always be Grandma and Grandpa-pa-papa-pa-papa-papa-papa-papaaaaa...PA! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Broadway 75 Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 My grandfather was a peeping tom. He drilled holes in the floor to watch the downstairs neighbours. He passed away recently but I like to think he's up there, looking down on us. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
593jones 1,259 Posted January 1 Share Posted January 1 What do you call a woman who throws all her bills on the fire? Bernadette. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Kiwidave4 3,490 Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 People are too judgemental these days. I can tell just by looking at them ... 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Selwyn 2,356 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack. Selwyn 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jenko 5,321 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 Where ever I walked today I kept leaving black foot marks. Must be my carbon foot print. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Dave Swindell 2,459 Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 An 82 Gentleman had the first of 530,000 Oxford Astra Zeneca vaccinations this morning - bet he's going to have sore arms! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Kiwidave4 3,490 Posted January 5 Share Posted January 5 I once took my stamp collection to lmpress a girl on our first date. She said, "Philately will get you nowhere." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony C 725 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 Closest I can get a groan emoticon 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Circloy 312 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors. He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects. At the end he asked for a decision. I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kiwidave4 3,490 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 2 hours ago, Circloy said: Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors. He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects. At the end he asked for a decision. I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
825 8,200 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 34 minutes ago, Kiwidave4 said: You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off. Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony C 725 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 16 hours ago, 825 said: Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Spookytooth 11,319 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 1 minute ago, Tony C said: Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed! So true, so true. It becomes an art form .... Simon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spookytooth 11,319 Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.” I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?” Simon. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Dave Swindell 2,459 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 A woman was stopped by supermarket security bulk buying Ice Cream, Tinned Fruit and Raspberry Sauce. When questioned she claimed it was a legitimate purchase, as lockdown was expected to last for a Month of Sundae's..... 9 Link to post Share on other sites
sinnerboy 1,352 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 what do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other ....Ilene what do you call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other ....Irene 4 Link to post Share on other sites
593jones 1,259 Posted January 9 Share Posted January 9 I once fell out of bed. Well, fell or was pushed, when I came round I could hear SWMBO sniggering from her side of the bed. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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