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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser


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A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."

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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close with this comment: "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

 

Simon.

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The whole of Cornwall has just been moved into tier 4 after hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.

 

Apparently the aarrrrr rate has increased dramatically.

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I'm still having trouble with bars.

I was shopping with the wife and she said "these cakes are two for one which is a bargain".

I fainted......

 

I was fishing with my mates on the river when I hooked into a decent fish,when it came to the surface I saw that it was a Barbel,I panicked and fell in the river.

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4 hours ago, Fatcawthorne said:

Best cracker joke yet!!!

 

If life is throwing Melons at you, then there’s a good chance you have dyslexia!!

 

Your go.........

I had a mate who was dyslexic, we all laughed when he said he was going to take up poetry

but so far he's made a nice jug and a couple of bowls

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1 hour ago, sinnerboy said:

I had a mate who was dyslexic, we all laughed when he said he was going to take up poetry

but so far he's made a nice jug and a couple of bowls

Reminds me of a blonde, dyslexic Essex Girl girlfriend I once had who came home distraught from the doctors one day.  She was upset and crying as she told me that the doctor had said he thought she had tiny tits; took a while to explain, it’s tinnitus love, tinnitus!!!!

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22 hours ago, Fatcawthorne said:

Reminds me of a blonde, dyslexic Essex Girl girlfriend I once had who came home distraught from the doctors one day.  She was upset and crying as she told me that the doctor had said he thought she had tiny tits; took a while to explain, it’s tinnitus love, tinnitus!!!!

The doctor told me that I had a rare condition that was a combination of dyslexia and amnesia, I would tell you what its called but I can't remember how to spell it!

 

Selwyn

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1 minute ago, Selwyn said:

The doctor told me that I had a rare condition that was a combination of dyslexia and amnesia, I would tell you what its called but I can't remember how to spell it!

 

Selwyn

Did you here about the dyslexic millionare sex maniac? He was so disappointed when he found out he had purchased a wearhouse!

 

Selwyn

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My kids are always laughing at me because they say that my memory is failing. Well just wait until next Christmas, when they find that there are no chocolate eggs under the bonfire.

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On 12/25/2020 at 9:00 PM, stevehnz said:

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug. 

What do you call a penguin in the sahara?

Lost.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

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12 hours ago, Welkin said:

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

And what do you call a woman who’s just had a haemorrhoids operation?

 

Anita Harris.

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