jenko Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 4 minutes ago, Retired Bob said: Are they chocolate covered? Bet you think you're in for a Treat 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 12 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said: Bags of peanuts please (Is this the new four word story?) Not on your life. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bentwaters81tfw Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 some people never happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted!!!! Simon. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous. While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The doctor says, "What's so funny?" She says, "I'm imagining how they make condoms." 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 My wife said she was tired of me impersonating a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 It was an awkward moment in the chemistry laboratory - everyone was trying to avoid the element in the room 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 I keep walking into bars. This time the bartender said I was an "idiot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 A funny and sad true story. When my son was a baby he had a serious accident and was in Alder hey childrens hospital. At the time a documentary was being filmed. I talked to some of the young ones and there was a lad of about 14 who told me that he was messing with fireworks and seriously damaged his thumb which was obviously bandaged. One day he was being interviewed for the documentary and as he was being asked questions the interviewer asked him "how are you getting to grips with the situation", I suddenly burst into loud and uncontollable laughter. The interviewer looked at me and said "thanks for that" in a sarcastic tone,the soundman then said to him "you do realise what you just said to him". and they both started laughing. Completely true story. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 The wife said to me have I seen the dogs bowl? To be honest , I did not know that he could play cricket... Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony C Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 On 16/12/2020 at 17:12, Spookytooth said: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted!!!! Simon. Better start calling mine the in-laws again! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 I brought the wife a new fridge for Xmas. You should of seen her face light up when she opened it.... Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 I was in the local electrical store when I espied a beautiful girl at the other side of the kitchen appliance department and thought she deserves a wave, not a big one, just a microwave. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Can't remember if I've posted this one before, but if I have, apologies. Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the Rottweiler Jesús." 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Apparently the fear of palindromes is called aibohphobia. 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 I saw Sinead O'Connor birdwatching today. I said "How are you getting on, Sinead?" She looked sadly at me and said... "It's been seven owls and sixteen jays since you took your dove away..." So I said "Well, what about the sheep you exchanged for it?" She replied..."Nothing compares to ewes." Simon. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_W Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 I saw Desmond Decker running down the street with smoke coming from his head. "Hey Desmond!" I shouted, "whats wrong?" He shouted back: "Oh, oh, my ears are alight!" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepureness Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) I heard a fantastic joke about a wall. It's so funny I can't get over it. Edited December 19, 2020 by thepureness 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Yeah, thinking up wall jokes is just a breeze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex Gordon Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 I thought it was a bit dry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 4 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said: Yeah, thinking up wall jokes is just a breeze. They've come up with a few at Eton. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 Interesting headline on MSN - 'Five police officers injured and 29 arrested at anti-lockdown protest'. I didn't read the story, so I don't know why the 29 police officers were arrested. Must have been for something serious! 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 I still keep walking into bars. This time the gymnast fell off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 Yet again I walked into a bar. This time everyone was happy. It was a gay bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swralph Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 Maybe I'm paranoid about bars. I was walking in the hills when I heard baaah. I panicked and ran. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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