Spookytooth Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down." Simon. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 ... and pain is when you zip up without stowing the equipment ... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 (edited) Make me think when I was waiting in the doctors waiting room. An elderly man (accompanied by his daughter) was talking to an elderly woman, and I couldn't help overhearing their conversation. The man said: we have something new at home for my safety at night. If I open the toilet door the light goes on automatically and it goes out when I close the door again . By which the daughter gets a really red face and shouts: DAD!!! Did you take a leak in the fridge again??? Edited September 23, 2022 by Silenoz 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AV O Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 4 hours ago, Silenoz said: and it goes out when I close the door again . By which the daughter gets a really red face and shouts: DAD!!! Did you take a leak in the fridge again??? How does he know the light goes out unless he stayed inside ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 On the older refridgerators you could actually see the light going out right before the door closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. It was a treat to see her face light up when she opened the door. 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattheCat Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 Speaking of refrigerators .... Some years ago my parents neighbour in the back got a pricey pedigree cat. Each late evening, just as they had gone to bed, the neighbour came out on her terrace and began to shout for the cat to get inside. Her dog then joined in going out barking nearly as loud as she. As it is quite common with felines the cat didn't oblige so the shouting and barking went on for quite some time each night. One night, my mom finally grew tired of it and asked my da to call the police to stop the nuisance. No need said my da and he stood up, went into the garden and told the neighbour to stop shouting and to open the door of her fridge. Problem solved that same night. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 There's the old joke about the man whose Wife has a recurring dream that she is a fridge. He doesn't mind, but she sleeps with her mouth open, and the light keeps him awake 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 The RAC? Don't get me started ... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Swindell Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 2 hours ago, pigsty said: The RAC? Don't get me started ... Towed you so..... 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 4 hours ago, pigsty said: The RAC? Don't get me started ... Are you having a break down. ?? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAF4EVER Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 His 19th nervous breakdown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 2 hours ago, Dave Swindell said: Towed you so..... I got towed home once, Raty & Moley were too drunk to do it. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 16 hours ago, pigsty said: The RAC? Don't get me started ... Is this a members only joke?? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 21 hours ago, pigsty said: The RAC? Don't get me started ... AA helped me stop 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 "Name?" "John Smith." "No, sorry - full name." "John Twelve Acacia Avenue Smith." "That's an ... unusual name." "Yes, it was my dad's idea. Some accountant told him it would be more tax-efficient if he put his house in his son's name." 15 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 I told my psychiatrist that I'd been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist... 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 I'm not sure how many biscuits it takes to be happy. But so far it's not 27. 2 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vince1159 Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 Pete mate,you're eating the wrong ones... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 Pete's taking the biscuit. Not good for the digestive system or having too much rich tea. A tot or two of bourbon might be better. Dick 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 On 10/8/2022 at 5:56 AM, Pete in Lincs said: I told my psychiatrist that I'd been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist... But are you doing what the voices tell you? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenoz Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 (edited) 23 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said: I'm not sure how many biscuits it takes to be happy. But so far it's not 27. And how many did you manage before feeling really unwell? Edited October 9, 2022 by Silenoz 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." Simon. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 On 08/10/2022 at 09:17, jenko said: Pete's taking the biscuit. Not good for the digestive system or having too much rich tea. A tot or two of bourbon might be better. Dick better still if he has a break and pops over to the neighbours for a hobnob 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 Do you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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