Kiwidave4 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 You rarely hear the name Lance these days. In Medieval times men were called Lance a lot. 1 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2996 Victor Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 2 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said: You rarely hear the name Lance these days. In Medieval times men were called Lance a lot. ***GROAN*** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorfinn Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 20 hours ago, Bandsaw Steve said: Mary had a little lamb and could not get to sleep. Whenever she tried counting it, there was just that one sheep Or as my Granddad was fond of reciting to amuse us wee ones: "Mary had a little lamb, You've heard that tale before... But did you know she passed her plate And had a little more?" 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thorfinn Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 8/4/2021 at 10:19 AM, -Ian- said: See also: Lead singers Scuba divers Yorkshiremen Vegans iPhone owners You forgot model contest winners.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 04/08/2021 at 14:59, Bertie Psmith said: Aviation Special. How do you know there's a pilot in the bar? He'll tell you. I suppose with time passing the days of the WIWOL’s* in the bar are fading too WIWOL - When I was on Lightnings 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertie McBoatface Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 1 hour ago, JohnT said: I suppose with time passing the days of the WIWOL’s* in the bar are fading too WIWOL - When I was on Lightnings I try not to be a WIWITRAF when civilians are about. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertie McBoatface Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 My Grandfather brought down five German aircraft during the war. He was the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bertie McBoatface Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow had gone! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted August 7, 2021 Share Posted August 7, 2021 Self: I think I'm going to have to go on a diet and take more exercise. SWMBO: Why? Self: Just been checking my clothes in the wardrobe, I can't get most of my jeans and trousers on. Must have put on a lot of weight. SWMBO: All my clothes fit me. Self: Yes, but you were fat when you bought them. Ouch! Think before you speak, Dave, think before you speak! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
825 Posted August 8, 2021 Share Posted August 8, 2021 On 8/5/2021 at 6:24 PM, Bandsaw Steve said: Mary had a little lamb and could not get to sleep. Whenever she tried counting it, there was just that one sheep Mary had a little lamb The Doctor was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm The Doctor nearly died Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick4350 Posted August 9, 2021 Share Posted August 9, 2021 On 8/7/2021 at 11:30 PM, 593jones said: Self: I think I'm going to have to go on a diet and take more exercise. SWMBO: Why? Self: Just been checking my clothes in the wardrobe, I can't get most of my jeans and trousers on. Must have put on a lot of weight. SWMBO: All my clothes fit me. Self: Yes, but you were fat when you bought them. Ouch! Think before you speak, Dave, think before you speak! thinking to myself whilst recovering in hospital ...🙊 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted August 9, 2021 Share Posted August 9, 2021 As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me. 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bullbasket Posted August 9, 2021 Share Posted August 9, 2021 And one you can tell the grandchildren. Mary had a little lamb which had a sooty foot, And into Mary's bread and jam, it's sooty foot it put. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnick Posted August 9, 2021 Share Posted August 9, 2021 On 07/08/2021 at 14:30, 593jones said: Self: I think I'm going to have to go on a diet and take more exercise. SWMBO: Why? Self: Just been checking my clothes in the wardrobe, I can't get most ... In a similar vein: swmbo: does this dress make me look fat? Me: no that will be your poor diet and lack of exercise... Nick 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted August 9, 2021 Share Posted August 9, 2021 3 hours ago, Fnick said: In a similar vein: swmbo: does this dress make me look fat? Me: no that will be your poor diet and lack of exercise... Nick Go directly to the undertaker's. Go directly; do not pass Go; do not collect $200. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 I never thought that I would be the type of person who gets up early in the morning so they can exercise. And I was right. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 Wife to husband while arguing:- “You and your football. You think more of Rangers than you think of me” husband:- “I think more of Celtic than I think of you. “ Other intense sport rivalries/ undeclared warfare are available 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevehnz Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 Mary had a little lamb She kept it in a bucket And every time that it got out The rooster used to...... Chase it around the farm yard. Steve. 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Ian- Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 A radio station serving Devon and Cornwall have sadly announced they will discontinue their regular classic rock programme due to arguments about whether Cream should be played before or after The Jam. 3 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 whether Cream should be played before or after The Jam Always remember the very simple advice on this. There are two ways to do a cream tea: jam first, and wrong. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Puff Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 Clapton is King; Cream comes first. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted August 12, 2021 Share Posted August 12, 2021 My mates three year old BMW has just failed it's first MOT. Two blown indicator bulbs. He reckons it's a factory fault. He swears he's never used them. 4 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnT Posted August 13, 2021 Share Posted August 13, 2021 From my son - with typical irreverent teenage humour In car with family going into Edinburgh where the roads are down to 20MPH limits and cycle lanes have popped up everywhere with plastic poles stuck into the tarmac. Me - on noting the proliferation of cycle lanes and the number of cyclists wandering all over the roads and junctions haphazardly with three going the same way but using different road positions and indications - "Given the cycle lanes all over the place you'd think they would use them" Teenage son - "Cycle lanes? Dont you mean kill zones?" 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete in Lincs Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 We went to the ice rink at the weekend. I managed to dodge the ticket queue by going in through the fire door. Now my Wife says I'm a cheapskate. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigsty Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 If swearing is childish, why aren't children supposed to swear? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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