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Short CLEAN Jokes IV -Just when you thought it couldn't get any worser


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2 hours ago, -Ian- said:

I went drinking with the Beach Boys at the weekend, it was alright until I asked who's round it was.


That reminds me of the terrible time I had nightclubbing with the Scissor Sisters - they just didn’t feel like dancing. 

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A woman boards a bus in Liverpool.

"Is this one goin' to Speke?" she asks the driver.

"Shouldn't think so, love - I've been drivin' it all mornin' and it's not said a word."

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4 hours ago, pigsty said:

A woman boards a bus in Liverpool.

"Is this one goin' to Speke?" she asks the driver.

"Shouldn't think so, love - I've been drivin' it all mornin' and it's not said a word."

A woman at Clapham Junction about to board a train, she ask the guard "Victoria?", to which he answers  "Only at the weekend madam, today I'm Nigel"

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9 hours ago, pigsty said:

A woman boards a bus in Liverpool.

"Is this one goin' to Speke?" she asks the driver.

"Shouldn't think so, love - I've been drivin' it all mornin' and it's not said a word."

 

That one dates from the days when buses were horse drawn!!

 

And from half a Century later when buses had conductors and standing passengers would fill the aisle.... (yes I remember it well) -

 

The conductor shouts, "Move farther down the bus".

 

A small boy responds with, "Thats not Father, its Uncle."

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On 01/08/2021 at 16:48, RAF4EVER said:

The wurst is yet to come.😈

Are sausages made from piglets Bratwurst?

 

VW make more Currywurst each day than cars. Don't ask 'cause I don't know if they pass the emissions test

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I ordered Chinese locally (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving back home heard the bags rustling and moving. I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out. I was driving at the time so I pulled over I leaned forward, picked the bag up, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again! More rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef! I thought it's got to be a rat or mouse or something so I carefully pulled the bag down....And there it was A PEEKING DUCK!!!!

 

 

Simon.

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18 minutes ago, Bertie Psmith said:

Aviation Special.

 

How do you know there's a pilot in the bar?

 

He'll tell you.

 

See also:

 

Lead singers

Scuba divers

Yorkshiremen

Vegans

iPhone owners

 

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