Admiral Puff Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 What do you call a bloke on his knees? Neil ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call a lady who can balance two cans of Fosters Lager on her nose? Beatrix. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick4350 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call someone floating in a pool ? Bob. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatcawthorne Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 10 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said: What do you call a lady who can balance two cans of Fosters Lager on her nose? Beatrix. But what about if she’s playing snooker at the same time? Beatrix Potter!!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welkin Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas. What do you call a man with a crane on his head? Derek. What do you call a man who’s always there when you need him? Andy. What do you call a man in a brown paper suit? Russell. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fifer54 Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 deleted- repitition . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truro Model Builder Posted December 31, 2020 Author Share Posted December 31, 2020 At this time of year I often think of my grandparents, Pearl and Dean, but to me they will always be Grandma and Grandpa-pa-papa-pa-papa-papa-papa-papaaaaa...PA! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broadway Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 My grandfather was a peeping tom. He drilled holes in the floor to watch the downstairs neighbours. He passed away recently but I like to think he's up there, looking down on us. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 What do you call a woman who throws all her bills on the fire? Bernadette. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 People are too judgemental these days. I can tell just by looking at them ... 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selwyn Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack. Selwyn 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenko Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 Where ever I walked today I kept leaving black foot marks. Must be my carbon foot print. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Swindell Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 An 82 Gentleman had the first of 530,000 Oxford Astra Zeneca vaccinations this morning - bet he's going to have sore arms! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 I once took my stamp collection to lmpress a girl on our first date. She said, "Philately will get you nowhere." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony C Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 Closest I can get a groan emoticon 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circloy Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors. He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects. At the end he asked for a decision. I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwidave4 Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 2 hours ago, Circloy said: Have been having problems recently dropping off at night so I went to the doctors. He diagnosed Insomnia so we discused a number of options including their benefits & side effects. At the end he asked for a decision. I told him it was a lot to take in all at once & what I realy needed was to go home and sleep on it You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
825 Posted January 7, 2021 Share Posted January 7, 2021 34 minutes ago, Kiwidave4 said: You should try putting your bed at the top of a cliff....eventually you will drop off. Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony C Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 16 hours ago, 825 said: Lying on the edge of the bed is usually sufficient. Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Tony C said: Humpf, I've been married for 36 years, all I'm allowed is the edge of the bed! So true, so true. It becomes an art form .... Simon. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spookytooth Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.” I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?” Simon. 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Swindell Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 A woman was stopped by supermarket security bulk buying Ice Cream, Tinned Fruit and Raspberry Sauce. When questioned she claimed it was a legitimate purchase, as lockdown was expected to last for a Month of Sundae's..... 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinnerboy Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 what do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other ....Ilene what do you call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other ....Irene 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
593jones Posted January 9, 2021 Share Posted January 9, 2021 I once fell out of bed. Well, fell or was pushed, when I came round I could hear SWMBO sniggering from her side of the bed. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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