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Markh-75

feel like packing it in now.

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Posted (edited)

Maybe this group isnt for me. 

Edited by Markh-75

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Mark - no-one's laughing at you mate.  We all have our moments of frustration, and it's up to us to either get over them or not.  One thing I would advise is to sleep on it for a few days or weeks in case you change your mind.  You could end up regretting it and spending more money restocking.

 

Build your models for yourself and avoid comparison with others unless you're trying to improve, which will be something you can look at later when you've got a few successful builds under your belt (provided you carry on).  Take your time with things, plan ahead and relax.  Hobbies are supposed to be for relaxation afterall, and above all build because you want to, not because you've got a kit and you feel you should.  If after a week or two you're still of the same mind, you can start to offload some of your stuff, see how you feel about it and decide from there.

 

The important thing is to seek support from your friends and family.  Don't suffer in silence.  make sense? :)

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Posted (edited)

Low self esteem doesnt help, anxiety, depression. Mental health isnt good and i'm not getting support because all the services are closed due to some virus or other. Was going to message you Mike, but felt silly, i felt a bit silly posting here but felt it had to be out, I had to say it.

Edited by Markh-75

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:ditto: to what Mike says there.  Sometimes you just need the space.  I went through that period in the eighties and then found that once I stopped feeling that I had to do it it became fun again.  There are times when i cant be bothered but thankfully I've never quite sold the whole stash and looking back I know I would have come to regret it if i had.  Leave it a few weeks and you might feel quite differently about it.  And remember we are living in weird times and that has an effect on folks too.

 

 

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Just now, Markh-75 said:

Mental health isnt good and i'm not getting support because all the services are closed due to some virus or other.

That’s a huge issue, and it won’t be helping certainly. That’s why I think it’s important to hang round here, as a sort of self help. 
 

No one will be criticising anything you build, even when things go wrong. I know you’re actually a very good modeller. You know that, too, but when something goes wrong it hurts. I often suffer from imposter syndrome. People tell me I make fabulous models, yet I don’t believe them. I think I’m useless, but perhaps I’m wrong. I just have to try and work through the times when I feel crushed and unable to build the things that earn me a crust.

 

I build the plastic planes to please myself. I like to share them here, and folk seem to like what I do. I like what other people do, and I make sure to tell them - either clicking the "Like" doodad, or making a comment. I try and join in the banter, offer ideas, generally take part in what is an amazing online modelling club. If you don’t feel you want to share a build, that’s fine. It’s not compulsory. But, do share feelings. Personal message someone, post in the chat, whatever you feel. I don’t believe any BM member will put you down or laugh at you for sharing your problems. In this day and age, where it can sometimes be hard to see an end to what's happening, it’s important to know there is some kind of support from friendly people, even if they’re random modelling types on an interweb forums.

 

 

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Hi Mark, the reason I like this site is because by and large people do not take things too seriously and also quite supportive. I build models for one person, me. I know I am not the best modeller in the world and never will be for a number of reasons, a couple of which I can do nothing about. 

As a retired nurse and lecturer I know that mental health issues can devastate lives and it sometimes hard to get help even when services are working normally. Keep the faith and all the best. 

Martin

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11 minutes ago, Markh-75 said:

Low self esteem doesnt help, anxiety, depression. Mental health isnt good and i'm not getting support because all the services are closed due to some virus or other. Was going to message you but felt silly, i felt a bit silly posting here but felt it had to be out. 

Mark, as a long term anxiety and depression sufferer I sympathise hugely. I didn’t see your first post before the edit but I don’t think I need to. 
 

My own psychiatric treatment over the years has taught me to set realistic goals and to judge myself by/against my own now reduced abilities and not anyone else’s (nor against what I could do pre-breakdown).

 

I have the first models I made sitting on the shelves together with my current output (that encompass 20 years or so of learning and mistakes).  I can put my kits in order of completion just by looking at their comparative quality.  
 

Now that is a realistic goal, to get a small percentage better each time you open a new box.  You don’t go from zero to hero overnight.  By the inch it’s a cinch, by the yard it’s hard!

 

And don’t worry if every so often you take a step backwards, we all do. Some days we crack on when we don’t feel 100% and make a pigs ear of it, and we do that because we’re human.
 

I have stood up for people I thought were being trolled before on here (usually quite innocently but trolled all the same) and will always do again but I honestly don’t feel anyone is laughing at you or your builds.  We all have to start somewhere on the spectrum in this game and for some progress comes more easily than for others.  What is important is that we enjoy our hobby, and if we enjoy it and then get better at it then all the more power to your elbow!
 

Some members’ critique can be blunt but I tend to put that down to non-modelling factors affecting their lives, or for some just English being their second language and/or having a different culture.  They don’t know you so there can be nothing personal insinuated I promise.

 

Life does get better after (or ‘with’ as you control it rather than get rid of it) depression and anxiety but it does take a bit of work to learn how to beat it.  Have a look online for some simple Cognitive Behaviour life hacks, yes at first they are hard but when they’re second nature then you’ll be hot to trot again.

 

Take care of yourself Mark, 99+% of the folk I’ve come across on here are good people who will go out of their way to help.  The real world is difficult at the moment, but like in the Willkommen song from the opening scenes of the film Cabernet:

 

Leave your troubles outside,
So- life is disappointing? Forget it!
We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful... The girls are beautiful... Even the orchestra, is beautiful.

 

Take care and stay safe. Chris
 

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Hi Mark. I sometimes feel pretty ropey too (and by sometimes I mean days not a few minutes). The MH situation had me boiled over the past week. I had need to contact my IAPT only to be informed by the 'robot' that they had 'switched themselves off' and wouldn't be switching themselves back on again until all of the COVID's had left the building. And my Access To Work support is now on hold until the foreseeable for much the same reason. Sometimes I get het up by what's on here. Sometimes I get buoyed up. Sometimes I need a few days break. Other times its like Catnip. But overall its a really good constant. I don't 'have' to contribute in terms of builds and can simply lurk and in an odd sense that's just helped kick me back into actually doing some stuff (just primed two cockpits ready for detailing - one had just been in parts in a plastic bag for a year) that has really got me going but I also want to try and pace myself. Especially since every time I walk into my den I am greeted by the 1/200 Titanic and detail set I bought and think 'whaaaat…?' but then places like this help bring me back to Earth with a soft landing with a nice mix of stuff. I'm still learning. About my MH, about my Dyslexia (despite being diagnosed for 23 years), about my ADHD and ASD only diagnosed in the last 12 months and about all of the above combined. I get things wrong. I got things wrong last week. And today. I'm just going to try and keep at it. Hope you do too buddy! :)👍

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Mark; I am now with PD ( Parkinsons) as some members here who have read my posts will know but I haven't let it beat me. I am unable to model much right now as most of my materials are in store but I have enough bits to make basic builds too keep me going Nothing will stop me carrying on with this hobby .. only short periodical breaks ... and This darned lurgy -19 thats going around doesn't help but I am still very slowly though still modelling.

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Hm, if it was only about building models around here I would have been chucked out long ago as my build rate is glacial and I haven't posted a build in well over a year. It's about checking in, finding out what's going on, being inspired by others and, in these present times, keeping in contact with many people in many walks of life and many situations who, believe me, often know exactly where you are coming from. Hang on in there and don't sweat it. There's always room in the chat section for those who just want to 'chill' and enjoy being amongst comrades.

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Posted (edited)

I think i have been very much seeking acceptance with my modelling of late. But i have an inner angry voice that steals the glory of ANY success i have.  I intended the Privateer to be an 'ultimate moment' but it has worked out far from that; because it was done for the wrong reasons, i feel like a fraud!:huh:

 

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post; you are quite right, it was edited back to one sentence, it was a few sentences long but i felt pretty silly because i didnt expect that anyone would give a 'care', i even added that you can have laugh at me if you like. I think many have read between the lines already. Thank you for your support. I was nearly buying a model online today but i stopped before i paid because i really was not sure if i was going to carry on modelling; what's the point in buying more if i wasnt sure about carrying on? I wont buy any kits now until i know what's to happen.

Cheers everyone.😳

Edited by Markh-75

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This is a lovely hobby and site and whilst everyone here in my experience is friendly and encouraging, the standard of many of the builds can at times be as debilitating as they are inspiring. It’s not easy for sure, but you just need to keep telling yourself that the only opinion that counts and the only person you need to please is you. Even then it’s still tough as we all aspire to be better, but we must remember that it’s only a hobby and it’s only gluing things together in the end.

 

I doubt what I say will be of great help, but it’s what I try to tell myself every time I sit at the bench, muck something up, look on here and see an RFI that looks like a photo on Airliners.net and then think sod it and go and sit in front of the TV instead.

 

One last thing; have you tried tapping? If you Google anxiety tapping you’ll find a lot of stuff about it. If you haven’t already, it’s worth a dabble, even just before sitting at the bench.

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24 minutes ago, Markh-75 said:

i feel like a fraud

 

Why? It's your model. You bought it, you built it and if you like it then great, if you don't like it then build another.

 

Nobody here will judge you if something goes wrong. It happens to the best of modellers and some here have had cracking successes and later some spectacular failures, I cringe to include myself in that band (usually the failures bit).

 

It's a hobby, always keep that in mind, and there's a great bunch here that are always willing to support you in just about anything they can.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Markh-75, I didn't see your original post, but I guess you've had a build, or a series of builds, that for whatever reason doesn't give you the satisfaction you were looking for.

We've all had episodes like that. I even once took a model that had been a class winner at Telford and later stamped it to pieces as I didn't like the way it looked in my display cabinet - the reflected light showed up minor defects in the varnish.  That made me feel good at the time as it was decisively out of my life and I didn't have to think about it anymore.  Whether that's a solution is something only you can judge, but I'd advise against any impetuous actions. Have a good sleep, take a week off modelling, try something else for a bit, take some exercise and when you come back to modelling ask yourself which parts of it you enjoy and which you don't. Do more of what you like and less of what you don't.

One way I've rethought my modelling is to simplify it. Go straight out of the box, don't worry about fiddly aftermarket, concentrate on the essence of the subject, not the technicalities of execution. By that I mean does it sum up to you the essence of the original. Does your model of, say, a He-111 show the character of the aircraft to you, does your model of a Saturn 5 help you visualise the original.  That is the essence of modelling - creation of a representation of the original, not a perfect shrunken prototype.   I've found that once you've broken free of the tyranny of techniques, it's a much more satisfying hobby and you don't worry about small mistakes.

 

Edited by 3DStewart

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I have to say that there is absolutely no reason not to buy that next kit. I think a lot of the pleasure for a lot of people is not actually in the build but rather in acquiring the kit, opening the box, marvelling at the contents, examining the scheme options, exploring the vehicle (I have been told that some really weird people actually build things other than aircraft 😃) dreaming about how you would like to build it and then the kit takes it's place in the fabled treasure house known as the stash. I myself have a rather gloriously large stack of Wingnut Wings kits sitting gleaming on the shelves (with spare copies of each kit carefully stored away in big heavy boxes and which I should probably store in a bank vault given recent developments in regard of that company) and I probably get more pleasure out of just owning and admiring the actual kits and contemplating 'what might be' than I will out of my cack handed efforts at building it. One key point to remember is that, if you don't see room for improvement, then you can't know what you need to improve and being able to see that  is what keeps you moving on and getting better. 

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Hi Mark,

 

From your comments, you are very hard on yourself. I can only echo the comments from others above who genuinely care about your wellbeing. You seem to be putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself. I get like that sometimes, particularly if I'm using someone else's build as a reference and I can't achieve the same standard, but I've learned that it's time to put the model down for a bit and either have a break or do something else. Sometimes as adults, we get so caught up in trying to achieve a high standard (not least because we have the internet to compare our builds against others), we forget the fun that we had as kids of knocking a kit together in a day and being really proud of it. I'm thinking of doing a few Matchbox kits with just decals and a coat of varnish, no paint as a bit of fun this year for a nostalgia trip. There's no rules to this game other than to make sure we only do it for ourselves...unless doing commissions!

 

Hope you can use the hobby and the community here to get you through this difficult time. Take care :)

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Thank you Everyone for your replies, i do appreciate what you are all saying.

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Posted (edited)
10 hours ago, Markh-75 said:

I intended the Privateer to be an 'ultimate moment' but it has worked out far from that; because it was done for the wrong reasons, i feel like a fraud!

I'm not sure there are any wrong reasons (unless you claim a build that someone else did!), but to be honest, I think you set yourself up for a fall with your choice of kit - silk purses and sows ears,

 

Kits vary in quality to a huge degree - some require more work and specialised skills than others, or more to the point, require work that you don't enjoy (e.g, some people hate masking, I find it therapeutic). There are modelling engineers out there who build the most amazing examples from scratch, others who are masters at weathering. Personally I never expect to achieve that level - not prepared to make the necessary commitment - I'm just building a collection which meets my own arbitrary standard. And a big part of this is in the selection of the appropriate kit - one with enough challenge to keep me interested, but not one which will push my abilities beyond the point of enjoyment.

 

Cheers

 

Colin

Edited by ckw
submiited prematurely before post finished.

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11 hours ago, Markh-75 said:

I intended the Privateer to be an 'ultimate moment' but it has worked out far from that

I can show you a cabinet full of models like that! Every model I make starts out as going to be the best I’ve built so far, but always falls short in some way or other. With me, it’s usual paint and transfers where it starts to go t*ts up. 
 

Hang in there. I said elsewhere to let the Privateer sit in a box on the shelf until you feel better about it. Model something - anything! - else for a bit, simpler things that don’t need so much thought and overall effort put into them. That should help you reset the mojo, have a bit of fun, and generally start feeling better. When the time's right, you’ll be able to fix the Privateer problems and end up with a model you’re proud of.

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Thanks, it’s still very early days. I’ll need to spend some time ‘recovering’ from my recent disaster and resting, then decide what I want to do about it all. I’m in a grim place just now.

it seems a shame but I’m probably gonna end up scrapping the privateer. I can’t stand the sight of the thing anymore. But I won’t decide right now.

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For what its worth, I tend to scrap models that go wrong. Out of sight, out of mind. Yes a bit of a waste of time and money (though hopefully I will have gained some experience), but I find the short sharp pain of abandoning a project preferable to the lingering disappointment of a partially completed project haunting me from the shelf of doom.

 

Some subjects seem to have a jinx - over the years I have attempted at least 4 different 1/72 Hurricanes from various companies (mainstream and short run) - you'd think that's a simple enough subject, a weekend build for most. But all of them ended in the bin. Finally got one to my satisfaction with the recent Alma kit. I think the reason for the failures was thinking I could achieve more in terms of extra detailing than I was capable of - I really wanted a great Hurricane! The Alma was a good kit OOB, so by reigning in my ambition and sticking to the instructions I managed to break the curse.

 

I do have some kits on the shelf of doom, but these are examples where I realised I was running into trouble and put aside before things got out of hand. One day I may have the skills (or mindset)  to complete them

 

Cheers.

 

Colin 

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I always think my next model will be a masterpiece & often buy a sackful of aftermarket to help produce a real jewel of a model. Unfortunately, about 2 steps into the build my actual skill level is revealed and it's not on par with some of the sublime artistry I often see here. At that point I often plod on, adding the aftermarket parts where my skill set/eyesight/lack of attention allow or sometimes I put everything back in the box & park it. Most recently I shelved an Italeri Jaguar T2. I'd had lots of help from the BM team and had bodged my way through a set of Armoury resin wheels & Res-Kit exhaust, but the Neomega resin cockpit, which was intended to be the piece de la resistance simply defeated me. It was too short, was cast with an offset and needed more patience, skill and experience than I have to make it fit. Oh and there were no instructions (and in fact, there aren't any to be had). Result - I put it all back in the box and had a break for a week or 2, then started a new-tool Airfix Beaufighter.  

 

I also think, in hindsight, that in trying to write a wip for the Jaguar added pressure that I didn't need (stopping to take even poor camera phone pics became a bind in the end) so have decided that I'll just build for myself for now. If the Beaufighter goes well I'll stick a few pics in an RFI post, if not then there's nothing lost!

 

Perhaps a break from building will help you too? 

 

Edge

 

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Mark, FWIW, when I built my Privateer, I started off by painting the interior, and the white bits I could do as sub assemblies. I hate white! Until the advent of Halford's Appliance White I avoided anything white like the plague. That Privateer went back in the box, and was barely looked at for over 20 years before it came out and was completed in 2018. It still wasn't 'shake and bake' and I've been gluing styrene for the best part of 60 years.

Don't be hard on yourself on a pig of a kit. I'm pretty sure I had problems getting that starboard wing to play nicely too. I'm just one of those awkward types who refuses to be beaten, however long it takes.

I have had my black moments over the years, as have many of us. It ain't fun, but that's where modelling helps. It's a safety valve. It might not sort the problem, but it gives you something to occupy your mind instead of brooding over other things.

Put it aside, go walk the dog, have a beer or whatever, and look at it again when you feel like it. Maybe try a 'shake and bake' Tamiya in the meantime.

(I think I have only even built 1 and 1/2 Tamiya kits in my life. The half build sits in the box after over 25 years - I lost interest, maybe one day)

So it's not just you. Feel free to sound off anytime, we'll be here sooner or later. 

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4 hours ago, ckw said:

I'm not sure there are any wrong reasons (unless you claim a build that someone else did!), but to be honest, I think you set yourself up for a fall with your choice of kit - silk purses and sows ears,

Thanks for your comments but i only buy the kits i would like to buy and build, they might have to be old kits but other than that i try to find a later variant of a kit or a more recent mould. (Have i got the wrong end of the stick with  this comment?). If I have, I’m sorry, I’m just a bit scratchy.

I was originally collecting die cast but i found many representative models weren't available in die cast so i started making kits to fill the spaces in my collection. Cheers, Mark. 

Edited by Markh-75

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No model is wasted, if you've learned something from building it. I hope that you can come out of your current situation and see things in a better light. I know that things can sometimes get overwhelming, but they are not usually as bad as they currently appear.

 

Chris. 

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