Gorby scratches an unthinkable whopper!

[Vaastav]

17 hours ago, Gorby said:

'Normal' service will resume shortly.

Thank heavens. I thought that sanity had returned from its caravan near Slough and you both had patched up. Happy that that isn't the case. 

Down with sanity I say

[Gorby]

WARNING: This post is a modelling free zone. Feel free to write an angry letter of complaint to:

 

Mike: care of Britmodeller, Englandshire, Britlandia.

 

I've got another truck load of fetid prose that I need to offload somewhere. Which is a little odd as I haven't been much in the mood for writing lately as I was ill for a week, but I've managed to produce a great stinking pile all the same. Not sure if it was the bat-plague as there was only the faintest flavour of bat. My personal physician (ah yes, that sounds much more pompous than 'step daughter') thinks that bat-plague is the most likely possibility, even though I explained that there was barely a soupçon of vampire. God knows how I picked up the nasty little bug as I haven't been anywhere other than the park. It's left me feeling so weak it's just as well I'm not allowed to roam the streets as I'd be in danger of being beaten up by the neighbours kitten. I do like kittens, but unfortunately they usually end up becoming cats. I'm pretty sure that's how they came up with the idea for the film 'Gremlins'. Take care not to get your kitten wet, and NEVER feed it after midnight or it might turn into a cat. You've been warned!

My head has been as woolly as a feral sheep in an Aran sweater, meaning my writing hasn't been up to the usual stellar quality (why are you laughing, that bit wasn't supposed to be funny). Typical isn't it, feeling weak and I'm doing the heaviest model I've ever built. It's currently 521 grams (18.4 oz) which is just under half the 150 ton scale weight. Some bugger's used the lead that I didn't use in the model and filled my legs while I was sleeping, making me feel like I'm the 150 ton field monitor. Perhaps I'm experiencing 'method modelling'. Mind you it's transformed prime DIY time into additional modelling time so not all bad.

 

Playing 'guess the day' is getting a bit boring now, particularly as I'm so bad at it. A couple of days ago I got the month wrong. In the dementia test, I know that they ask what year it is and I'm concerned that I may have to do some serious revision if I want to get that one correct. If Mrs Gorby gets a whiff that my faculties are on the way out she may think I'm beginning to be more of a burden. My favourite brother in law is called Tony (I have FIVE brother in laws. Two I actually like; one I can take or leave; one I try to avoid; and one (who is also called Tony) I would happily drop into an active volcano). The good Tony loves doing DIY and really likes decorating (very strange) and endeavours one day, to cross the final job off his 'to do' list. I think that's a bad idea. If there are no potential jobs, you go from being an asset to being a liability and they start to wonder if you ever did match the décor. This is why I heroically strive to avoid crossing too many things of my list, not because I'm bone idle (bones are really idle, I know skeletons that haven't worked a day in their death) it's just common sense.

 

I'm starting to wake up each morning wondering if society has gone feral, but living in Coventry how would I know the difference? Week … erm, something of the lockdown (are we still locked down?) and I've ceased to care what bloody number it is now. Food has never really been a big thing with us, but now she's a tiny bit obsessed, not only with food, also keeping track of the food. The food list has become sacrosanct. If it wasn't for the fact that she does most of the cooking, she would currently be labouring under the impression that I'm living on half a pizza each week, as I keep forgetting to amend the master list of 'All edible things'. Each time she discovers my sacrilegious lack of dedication to the master list (all praise to the master list) I get 'That look' (you know the one I mean, the one that mothers secretly teach daughters at a very young age) and I'm starting to wonder if the only reason for the existence of the list, is so that she can give me 'That look' even more than normal.

I blame my memory, although real reason is that it takes longer for me find the item on the list (all praise to the master list) than it does to cook and eat it. There's no point having a stroke if you don't use it to your advantage…. “I forgot, damn my damn, damnable memory” ….. “If only I wasn't sooooo fatigued” … “Normally I'd be happy to talk to your brother, but my brain is ordering me to throw him into an active volcano” you get the idea. She's not happy with me desecrating the list (all praise to the master list) and has crossed off my addition of 'Yappy-rats x 3', not due to any moral reason, but purely because they aren't already in the freezer.

 

I've taken in upon myself to atone for my sins by getting my act together and searching out new sources of edibleness. During my state-sanctioned daily exercise of taking the dog for a walk, whether she wants to or not (bloody lazy dog) I've been checking out the foraging potential of the local park. If I can't find any recipes for grass marinated in canine urine, it looks like we're going to starve. Although I'd happily make the effort to get used to the taste of pee, if the only alternative was Typhoo tea (Oh that rhymes, perhaps they might want to use it as their jingle “I'd rather drink pee than Typhoo tea”. I foresee a glittering career in advertising - just not for me). I'm particularly concerned as the stash that matters is in terminal decline:

 

(The Old Tom isn't socially distancing – that just how cats are. I much prefer dogs to cats. Owning a dog is like living with your own fanatical fan-club/obsessive stalker. Cats are creatures that are just biding their time, waiting for the day when they can finally eat your face – whether you've finished with it or not.)

A few years ago, I once accidentally saw a tiny bit of a Ray Mears program fleetingly out of the corner of my eye, so you would think that I now have all the knowledge I need to survive on a desert island (although frankly, dessert island would be my preferred destination). To date I've searched every nook and cranny of the golf course and I haven't even found where the chocolate grows! I thought I'd found a chocolate log, but I was very, very disappointed. The texture was passable, but the taste wasn't great, I'll have to see if I can find one that's less ripe next time. And those wild Twiglets don't taste as nice as the domesticated ones.

Having said all that, the house is currently busting at the seams with food and last week two packages arrived from Amazon (I don't know why she keeps buying stuff from South America). One contained a bumper pack of chocolate bars for me 

 

and the one for Mrs Gorby contained evil.

Take a long expired geriatric slug, dress it in a rubber cat-suit, feed on all manner of nastiness, dip in tar and leave in the sun for far too long – I'm pretty sure that's the process for making liquorice. They can't bury, burn or dump at sea for fear of harming the environment and thereby getting the greenies on their back, so some sick, twisted soul came up with the idea of selling it as 'food', to those that lack common decency. Incidentally Mrs Gorby prefers the black nastiness to chocolate, she's weird (although by now, you may dispute my my authority on pronouncing someone else 'weird').

 

Aaaaaanyway… keeping a load of oldies - no offence (apparently if I say “no offence”, you aren't allowed to be offended – that's the rules) amused during the pandemic* isn't a good enough reason for this thread, apparently I have to look like I'm doing something else as well, so stay tuned.

 

* For my dedicated work in this regard I've awarded myself the title of 'Key Shirker'. I'm doing my bit (whether you want me to or not). I expect to be offered some sort of honour for my services to scratching AND my dedication to the mentally infirm - no offence (a knighthood seems like a reasonable reward). Obviously I'll reject the the first offer, and say that there are others more deserving (but only fractionally more deserving), but when those meagre few are fully honoured up, I'm ready to accept the title of Sir Gorbs. As we're friends, you can just call me 'Sir'. Feel free to start whenever (although sooner might be good).

 

Ahhhhhhhhh, that was a relief to offload that one.

[Gorby]

Aaaaaanyw… oh, I've already done that bit...

 

Remember when your granddad sat you down and said “There's more than one way to skin a whopper.” and you making a mental note to to see if the loony bin had any free rooms? No, neither do I. In order to rivet my whopper, I need to cover every external surface with pimply skin. In total it took a sheet and a half of 0.25mm and about a week with the riveter/pimpleiser I showed in a previous post, which held up well to the physical (and occasionally verbal) abuse. I restrained my natural sadism and decided not to bore you with loads of photos of rectangular bits of plastic (regretting that already). Instead I'll do a 'TOP TIP!!!!!'

 

TOP TIP!

Assume for a moment, that you've been kidnapped and transported back in time to the dark distant days of BC (Before Calculator). Then assume that you're held at gunpoint and forced to divide a line into equal units. Something I'm sure that's been keeping you awake at night with worry – the age old primal fear. Fret no longer, I have the solution:

 

Use a compass to mark the correct number of spaces on the diagonal line. You should use set squares, but due to not being a twentieth-century draughtsman or school boy, there doesn't seem to be any need for them in my life these days. Instead, use the rule to draw a line from the end of the line your dividing to the last point on the diagonal line, then move the rule to draw parallel lines from the diagonal line.

You may not have learnt anything useful, but at least I finally got the chance to bore the pants of you. 

 

A quick assemble gets us to this point:

 

 

Those who aren't turning away from their screens in horror, may have noticed a new addition that isn't shown on the original side view diagram. Why is the TbloNeTUsDesc© such a pile of rubbish? This thing had two steam engines and yet the description doesn't even mention a major thing mobile steam engines need. Where was the chimney/smokestack and what did it look like? Don't look at me, I don't know. Originally I was just going to have two pipes sticking out the back end, but after some discussion with a member on another site, I tried sticky-up ones in a place where there was already a blind spot for the rear turret due to the wheels:

 

They didn't look right. Using the power of logic and attempting to summon the sacred power of lists:

 

In favour of sticky-up ones:

Simple to make.

 

Against sticky-up ones:

Very vulnerable to enemy fire.

Ejecting smoke high in the air would make it EVEN more noticeable from a distance, if such a thing is possible.

More importantly, I think they look silly. Okay, okay, I'm well aware the whole contraption looks ludicrous.

 

After spending too much of my precious lockdown time mulling this over, I went for this:

 

And a closer view of the panels with the chimneys temporarily in place:

 

Because:

They would be protected by the wheels

The smoke is more likely to be broken up by the rotation of the wheels.

More importantly, this isn't a bloody Mississippi paddle steamer!

 

As the whopper's designer is more madman than genius, I feel we have common ground and I can confidently state that this is what they would have done (just try proving me wrong). The bends are angled segments, reinforced with super glue smeared inside.

 

If you've been paying attention, you'll remember that the whopper was supposed to be used in a desert. Imagine if you will, being stuck in a sealed metal box with two steam engines, in scorching heat. It'd be hotter than wearing a vindaloo infused jockstrap on a summers day in hell. Surely there would have been some way of venting that heat. Now that I feel a close connection with the mentally unbalanced designer, I chose to add two vents in the roof. This causes a problem – I could cut holes in the roof, but the inside the back bit is just plain white and not detailed; or I could just paint the roof under the vent black, although it's unlikely to look black enough to look like a deep void. Cue quirky experiment.

 

Obviously I'll be using velvet* for the floor to ceiling swag curtains in the whoppers ballroom, I've also nabbed two tiny bits to put under the vent grid in the hope that it's going to look blacker than the blackest black. This is one of the vents part built:

 

* The velvet was cut from one of my step daughters dresses and yes it was one she'd discarded. My mouth may give people the impression that I have a death wish, but that's only because I have little to no control over it. It's the black velvet dress I use for my photo shoots. Eeerm , I mean it the one I use as a backdrop to my RFI photo shoots. 

 

Does the velvet make it look blacker than the blackest black I hear you ask? No idea… yet. I masked the vent before it was fitted over the velvet so I haven't seen what it looks like and the mask won't be removed until the end. There's not point begging me. Even if the queen asked “ere me old dutch, bung'ya arf a monkey t' give us a ganders”, I'd have to stand my ground and reply “Gor blimey, leave it out Liz. Don't cum the mutt and Jeff wiv me guvna, sling your hook and no mistakin. An stick ya bisected simian where sun don't shine”. You have to be forceful with these Cockneys and speak to them in their own language (I wonder what's happened to that knighthood?).

 

Next up… probably a lot more pointless waffle. Just a guess.

[Bonhoff]

15 minutes ago, Gorby said:

My personal physician (ah yes, that sounds much more pompous than 'step daughter')

Count yourself lucky, that's a properly useful stepchild to have.

 

My Stepdaughter is a dance teacher, but she's never offered once to teach me to dance, she suggests that I just drink lots of alcohol so I don't feel self conscious before I get up to strut my stuff....

 

IanJ 

[JeroenS]

Just glad to have you back @Gorby 🙂 

[Pete in Lincs]

47 minutes ago, JeroenS said:

Just glad to have you back @Gorby 

I'm not so sure. I now have serious eyestrain after reading that lot! 👓

[Vaastav]

And we are back to normal. I can call the FBI, CIA, Mossad and R&AW off and tell them that the deranged modeller is in his designated space (behind the whopper) and is no longer a threat to all and sundry. 

Good to have you back @Gorby

[GerryW]

16 hours ago, Gorby said:

WARNING: This post is a modelling free zone.

Inner self: "OK, just skip it, no point wasting time on dribble."

 

GW: "But it might contain enlightening and useful information."

 

I s: "Consider who wrote it, and you're drinking coffee."

 

GW: "I'll be careful."

 

I s "You're wearing a white shirt, think of the consequences when SHE sees it in the wash."

 

GW: "Alright, I'll put the coffee aside."

 

I s: "Have you lost the last ounce of common sense that I thought you possessed? You hate cold coffee!"

 

GW: "You win, I'll read it later."

 

I s: "Don't even think of it. Look at the length of it, life is short. You need to take things easy and concentrate on important subjects - your sanity for example."

 

To be continued.

 

Gerry

[Gorby]

16 hours ago, Bonhoff said:

Count yourself lucky, that's a properly useful stepchild to have.

My Stepdaughter is a dance teacher, but she's never offered once to teach me to dance, she suggests that I just drink lots of alcohol so I don't feel self conscious before I get up to strut my stuff....

Swings and roundabouts, swings and roundabouts (oh dear I'm feeling slightly dizzy now). Yours suggests increasing alcohol intake, whereas mine suggests a reduction, so any chance of a swap?

 

14 hours ago, JeroenS said:

Just glad to have you back @Gorby 🙂 

That's just as well cus I'm not going.

The attempt to 'off' me with the plague of extreme battyness wasn't successful. They'll have to use the sniper next time.

 

13 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said:

I'm not so sure. I now have serious eyestrain after reading that lot! 👓

Think yourself fortunate that you only need to read it once. No proof readers will come within a mile of the house so I have to read it several times. 

 

6 hours ago, Vaastav said:

that the deranged modeller is in his designated space (behind the whopper)

That's got me worried now, but thanks for warning me . I'll have to keep a look out to see if he emerges from behind the whopper. I'll be ready when he does (really to run screaming from the room).

 

29 minutes ago, GerryW said:

life is short.

That's why you should read it, because time will drag, don't forget that time flies when your having fun, so the opposite is true as well – I'm making you feel like your living longer. 

[Gorby]

Please note: This is my new 'WARNING Waffle Ahead' sign:

 

There won't be an 'End of Waffle' sign as the waffle never ends. Perhaps I should use it to replace my 'Man at Sleep' avatar. It'd be just as appropriate.

 

More apologies for the length of time posting this update. Still recovering from the batty plague fatigue, which is currently making me feel twenty to thirty years older than I actually am. Apparently it takes a 76 year old a lot longer to do stuff than us spring chickens. The lurgy has also been upon me with the flipping hay-fever, causing me to be in the mood for pretty much nothing other than feel really, really sorry for myself. The hairy, hungry hound has also been feeling sorry for herself, although no bats were involved. It was gastroenteritis and any dog owner who has a dog thus afflicted will attest – a dog squirting out of both ends ain’t a lot of fun for anyone involved. A couple of nights with little to no sleep effectively neutralises any stray brain cells that may have survived my nightly dram habit. Which all adds up to being unable to write anything without it being mistaken for a Dan Brown book. Who'd have guessed that my usual dubious output would require effort. I've had some nice comments about my writing, which gives me cause concern as I didn't realise that care in the community was so widespread.

 

Finally we're FREE! 

Free to do what I'm not exactly certain. Probably the 101 things we said we'd do if we weren’t in lockdown and now that we can, we'll have to make excuses so we don't have to. Wuhan flu or not, we still think we've been luckier than many. It's good to know that we've still got a roof over our heads. It'd be nice if there were walls as well, but it's a start. It does make me wonder that if we had 20/20 vision, would we have seen this coming?

I fear the lockdown has caused me to loose hard earned skills, such as the memory of exactly which button to press amongst the dozen or so controls on our unnecessarily over complicated alarm clock. On the odd occasion that I now have to set it, shutting the bloody thing up early in the morning when my brain is still comatose, is like trying to shut down Chernobyl number 4 while mentally channelling a trout. More importantly, I appear to have lost my ability to translate female time, into earth standard time. When Mrs Gorby (and every other female human I've ever encountered) says “I'll be five minutes”, the last thing it'll be is five minutes. But as you're probably aware, converting a female five minutes isn't necessarily always, for example, quarter of an hour. It depends on the circumstance, time of day, the urgency of the deadline and most of all, the mood of the female in question. Getting to grips with female time has taken me years to acquire (although not 'master'. No man will EVER master this unfathomable skill) but we haven't been going anywhere and the tenuous grasp I had, has slipped away. Yesterday she said “Five minutes” (why is ALWAYS bloody 'five minutes'?) and I guessed ten and it turned out to be 25 minutes! Quarter of an hour wasted when I could have wasted that quarter of an hour online. Me saying “Are you ready yet?” every two minutes prompted yet another brownie-point mass extinction event. 

And another thing, I'm not sure if yours is the same but mine has taken to mumbling. If I ask her what she said, she just says “Oh, I'm just talking to myself”, but if I don't ask, I get “Your not listening to me”, I can't bloody win!

 

Aaaaaanyway… we've reached the 'Oh no, it was all going so well' stage, otherwise known as painting. In a frankly, laughable attempt to improve my painting skills, I've bought a new airbrush. Not because I'm fool enough to think a better airbrush will make me a good painter, the old one was playing up and I was running out of insults to hurl at it. I tend to prefer to paint in the winter because there is more in the way of excuses for me making a total hash - “The light wasn't good enough”, “It was a tad too cold for the paint”, “My brain stops working and I feel very, very tired if there isn't any sun”. It's not winter, so no excuses...

First off, rattle can primer:

 

I've just noticed it it looks like the photo was taken one-tenth of a second after the Mexicans set off their first limpet mine.

 

Months ago I considered what 'scheme' to go for. Camouflage or not. Lets be honest. It's about as subtle as an elephant trying to hide behind the microwave. It's tempting to just camouflage it as the principality of Liechtenstein and put a heard of sheep on the top. In reality, no amount of paint is going make it blend into the background. From every angle it's a festering carbuncle on the landscape. As it's classified as a 'Landship', I briefly considered doing a dazzle type camouflage, but what the hells the point? Would they be deranged enough to thing that painting jazzy patterns on it would make something blend into the background, when it is frankly, less discrete than an illuminated neon billboard advertising fireworks and travelling slower than an arthritic sloth. Lets be honest. If you were aiming your canon using only a white stick and a Labrador, you're still going to hit it. What would be the point?

This is all an attempt to let you down gently when I say it's going to be grey, a sort of 1914 battleship grey.

 

If it's time to paint grey, I'll need a grey t-shirt. Too many items of clothing have paid the ultimate price for my cack-handedness, so now I take precautions. It isn't just paint that blights my attire, anything I encounter is equally likely to inexplicably become smeared over my clothing or boots. Mrs Gorby sees it as a major plus if I remain blemish free by lunch, but that rarely happens to the point that she's given up buying white t-shirts for me now, it's just too upsetting for her. Shame really. White doesn't show up toothpaste. Although when you have a poor memory you need ways of telling when you last changed your top and toothpaste is ideal. One toothpaste stain down the front means I put it on that morning; two stains means it's been on the whole day etc. Ideally I need to swap clothing nine or ten times each day to suit each task or meal. It doesn't happen as I'm too lazy, which is just as if Mrs Gorby found the laundry basket full every day, I'd very quickly need to change into head to toe red. It gives a whole new meaning to dressing for dinner – may I enquire as to the predominant colour of dinner? It certainly isn't the superpower I would have chosen for myself. 'Super Stain' … 'The Blemished Man' … 'Sergeant Splatter' … 'Dirty Old Git', no it doesn't work for me. I'd probably have gone for something like premature hindsight, or instinctively understanding what the hell is going on when Mrs Gorby says “No… There’s NOTHING wrong”.

 

In a (likely to be futile) attempt to give the grey some interest, I've tried something that I saw online a few years ago and have attempted before, but with little success (read: 'no success') – the three colour thingamabob. Three shades of grey which is the British budget porn version of some obscure, execrable Hollywood excretion which you probably won't have heard of and probably wouldn't admit to if you had.

 

I was quite pleased with my days work as I did all the spraying in one day but typically screwed it up right at the very end by dropping some Tamiya thinners onto a completed wheel. Damn. And then attempted to paint myself brown with chocolate milk down my front of my grey T-shirt. I decided that I may have pushed my luck and gave up (sobbing softly). 

 

Next morning I checked the screwed up wheel and it had cured itself overnight with just barely perceptible outlines where the thinners had dropped. Buffing them out with tissue paper worked well enough for me. Sod it, that'll do.

I did tone down the lines the following day to make it less cartoon like, but you'll have to make allowances for the painting, the light was much too bright and a tad too warm for the paint. Also when it's warm my brain stops working and I feel very, very tired (EVERYTHING makes me feel tired, even caffeine makes me want to have a nap).

Being unsure if the big guns would be the same colour as the rest of the beast, I considered seeking the advice of a naval expert (sounds like a pretty specific medical speciality if you ask me). I couldn't be bothered and went with grey, which shows that I can't even make the effort to send a message to achieve accuracy.

 

Although I was very tempted to paint the whopper with flames down the sides or a boy-racer speed stripe over the roof, I exercised restraint (adhering the government guidelines of no more than 5 miles from the house). I wondered if early American armour would have had any national symbol, but a quick Googlise it seems that in general, their WWI tanks didn't tend to have anything more than a number (usually in a old looking fancy style in white). Makes sense that they wouldn't have bothered, if the Yanks had whoppers and the Mexicans had donkeys it would have been pretty easy to tell the difference. I mean this whopper couldn't be more American if it was wearing a ten gallon hat, eating doughnuts for breakfast and singing Yankee doodle dandy. It isn't likely to be mistaken for an Italian ice-cream van just passing the battlefield. Just a number it is then.

Would it have had some sort of identification on the top?

The Aeronautical Division, Signal Corps (1907–1914) was the first heavier-than-air military aviation organisation in history and the progenitor of the United States Air Force. Which obviously I knew without having to resort to Wiki (you could have knocked me down with a steam shovel when I found out that sentence is the exact first line of the Wiki entry. What a complete coincidence that is). Which shows that America had long since embraced the 'death from above' ethos. I was under the impression that in 1914 the Mexican air force consisted of a squadron of psychopathic death budgies and a disillusioned parrot called Keith. No, apparently they had at least one, toilet paper and string constructed Curtiss biplane (lets get this right, American was at war with Mexico, but still selling them aircraft?!). Even with that knowledge I decided against putting a number on the top as they probably wouldn't be able to communicate with them anyway.

I went with number two, not because as a military vehicle, the whopper would be a great steaming pile of number two's , but partly because I liked the '2' font and also to imply that there was more than one built in this freaky alternative universe.

     

 

When I weather a model I endeavour to achieve the best bodge job I can (for any non Brits 'bodge' means the pinnacle of excellence, really it does, would I lie to you?). By time this stage arrives, mentally I've moved onto the next build and just want this one over and done with. Weathering is one of those dark arts I've never got the hang of, so I went with minimal, applied with minimal skill.

 

From the start of the build I knew that I would have to display the whopper with figures to give an idea of scale, otherwise I could fit a saddle on the back and it could pass as a tooled up quad bike for Action Man. Why oh why don't manufactures produce historical twilight zone figures for things that never never happened? It's as much a mystery to me as how women can got shopping all day – for enjoyment. I want 1/48 American tank crew from a time when America didn't have tanks – what's the problem with that?

I needed to change WWII figures into US Cavalry as the whopper was intended to be used alongside the Cavalry, I assume they'd crew it as well. I could be wrong, but I'm past caring. The silly hats were a bit of a problem and an attempt to make them from Sillyput made them look ten times sillier. Back to the drawing board. Studying the shape of the hat ... it's circus tent for fleas (come on guys, a little more hair care!).

These are the parts for the next attempt (the big bit on the right is the but-coin/bog roll cover).

 

Assembled like so:

 

PVA soaked but-coin then draped over, one single ply at a time. It took five layers before it reached the 'Yheeeer, whatever' stage.

 

Shown mainly for comedy value, the figures before a small part of the naffness is covered up by paint. It's staggering how many hours have gone into making them look this duff. I have no idea why they’ve been collecting pollen.

 

They'll have to do. Fortunately the other seventeen crew are busy inside or standing just outside the dioramas perimeter. Oh dear what a shame.

     

 

They’ll probably need more practice with the 'Y.M.C.A.' dance moves.

 

If I'm using figures, I needed some sort of base. The pangolins revenge has drained all the energy, vigour and enthusiasm out of me – which took about 1/10 of a second as there wasn't much to siphon off, so I went for quick and simple (and not necessarily accurate). Lovingly crafted roughly hacked from insulation board. Brushed PVA and very finely sieved and sand was dumped on. I also ground down the sand a bit in Mrs Gorby's granite mortar and pestle. Brave, you're possibly thinking, but I half inched it a couple of years ago and she hasn't noticed yet.

 

I'm not showing you the completed base yet, although I will say I'm well aware that it looks more like Blackpool beach than a desert of any description, but I'm looking for the sympathy vote here. None of this suffering in silence nonsense, I want pity.

 

Here endeth my whopper.

 

I hope to get the final photos posted sometime in the next few days when I've slapped my new camera across it's face and told it to pull itself together. It's got a touch-screen and I appear to have given it a nervous breakdown by changing a setting that I shouldn't have. I've no idea what I've altered. I'll try and get some decent pics when I've talked it down off the ledge. Why does new technology have to so bloody touchy?

 

This may be the last waffle-fest for some time. My next projects are 1/1 scale and the next foray into modelling is likely to be a KIT! I've decided to whittle down my ridiculously over inflated stash, I mean, eleven unbuilt kits. It's just madness, I'm sure you agree. At the moment it's unlikely to have a WIP.

 

If you've read every word of this WIP then all I can say to you is “WHY?”. About 17,000 words! Go and do something more constructive with your time!

[JeroenS]

I've enjoyed every word of it!

 

Looking forward to the final reveal. 

[Corsairfoxfouruncle]

2 hours ago, Gorby said:

I needed to change WWII figures into US Cavalry as the whopper was intended to be used alongside the Cavalry, I assume they'd crew it as well. I could be wrong,

Nope 100% correct on that Gorby. Patton was one of the first Armor officers, and he came direct from the Cavalry. 

Edited June 12, 2020 by Corsairfoxfouruncle

[Pete in Lincs]

4 hours ago, Gorby said:

This may be the last waffle-fest for some time.

Promises, promises. Tsk. Nice decent paintwork, old chap. Glad you feel a bit better.

Yes, eleven kits in the stash? Insanity. What were you thinking? I bet there's no maschinen kreiger either.

[Gorby]

Thanks mateypoos for the damn spiffing comments. 

 

16 hours ago, Corsairfoxfouruncle said:

Nope 100% correct on that Gorby. 

Well that's a first – me right! I'm off to tell Mrs Gorby this instant. 

 

14 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said:

eleven kits in the stash? Insanity. What were you thinking?

I know, I've let everyone down. 

Having said that, I'm part way though building one and sold one this morning, so it's nine now.

 

14 hours ago, Pete in Lincs said:

I bet there's no maschinen kreiger either

I have a policy when buying kits, to only buy stuff that I know what the hell it is.

[Bullbasket]

If you can get it moving, I know just the place for it. The Met would be grateful if you can disperse the demonstrators with it. (or just run over them).

Nice work Mark, even if you are a suitable case for treatment.

 

John.

[Gorby]

4 hours ago, Bullbasket said:

Nice work Mark, even if you are a suitable case for treatment.

Thanks John... I think. 

 

If anyone is interested, the final pics are here:

 

[Bullbasket]

1 minute ago, Gorby said:

Thanks John... I think. 

Always said in jest.

[Foxbat]

All good things must come to an end they say, and this has been a very good thing. Madness of the best kind, and hugely entertaining. A fine model too. Can't wait for the TV series of the film of the book 😊

 

Andy

[Murdo]

Superb insanity and superbly entertaining!

 

Oh, nice model too.

[SleeperService]

I am due a telephone consultation with my shrink on Thursday (apparently  video-link isn't needed 😮 ). As part of the 'tell me what you think will impress me as to your progress' I've attached a link to this thread. 

No, really I insist, trust me secure units are pretty OK unless you overdo it and get put into the suicide watch or close confinement sections. Food is OK mad people and anger causes more trouble than proper food, you get lots of little sweeties to try, but they never give you the rest of the packet.

 

This has been a fascinating build and worryingly informative. Now the event is nearly over I shall order a rivet making set and hope it arrives quicker than the last thing I ordered from the Orient which moved rapidly for two days then sat down for a rest and hasn't moved since.

 

Building a kit! OK who are you and where is the real Gorby?? Come on do you expect us to believe that a person of your talent will be happy assembling someone else's delusions? Unless it's a vac-form 1/48 Zeppelin....  

[Gorby]

4 hours ago, SleeperService said:

I am due a telephone consultation with my shrink on Thursday

I take it it'll be quite a loooooooong phone call. A very, very long phone call.

 

4 hours ago, SleeperService said:

Building a kit! OK who are you and where is the real Gorby?? Come on do you expect us to believe that a person of your talent will be happy assembling someone else's delusions? Unless it's a vac-form 1/48 Zeppelin...

Once I'm over the plague of battyness I'll be back to scratching. I keep thinking about another American big wheel tank that would be even BIGGER than the whopper. Not even the Yanks were deranged enough to even conciser building it.

https://tanks-encyclopedia.com/category/ww1-american-prototypes/

It makes the whopper look reasonable in comparison.

[JeroenS]

1 hour ago, Gorby said:

https://tanks-encyclopedia.com/category/ww1-american-prototypes/

It makes the whopper look reasonable in comparison.

But, what's with that rear wheel?? An inch of mud and it's gone. 

[Bonhoff]

1 hour ago, Gorby said:

Not even the Yanks were deranged enough to even consider building it.

But as you proved with your whopper, you could be deranged enough?

 

Asking for a friend....

[maybach_man]

2 hours ago, Gorby said:

I take it it'll be quite a loooooooong phone call. A very, very long phone call.

 

Once I'm over the plague of battyness I'll be back to scratching. I keep thinking about another American big wheel tank that would be even BIGGER than the whopper. Not even the Yanks were deranged enough to even conciser building it.

https://tanks-encyclopedia.com/category/ww1-american-prototypes/

It makes the whopper look reasonable in comparison.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landkreuzer_P._1000_Ratte🤨

[SleeperService]

6 hours ago, Gorby said:

I take it it'll be quite a loooooooong phone call. A very, very long phone call.

I think you may be right I usually use the hardline rather than cordless phone.

 

6 hours ago, Gorby said:

Not even the Yanks were deranged enough to even conciser building it......It makes the whopper look reasonable in comparison.

I'd bet they would be mad enough to try nowadays though... that's stretching the definition of reasonable a bit