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Bonhoff

Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

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Another one to make you groan........

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands and face in a buffalo.

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What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

 

 

 

Attire!

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And what’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can’t hear a vitamin.

 

5 . . . 😀

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I was at an unusual christening yesterday - instead of holy water the vicar poured a can of lager over the baby's head.

 

Turns out it was Fostered...

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Two Vikingwarriors meet each other in Valhalla. One of them has such an impressive deep voice, which compells the other to ask:"You have an impressive deep voice - what is your name?"

The other replies:"Low Key"!

 

Cheers :viking:

Hans J (running for cover)

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1 hour ago, bentwaters81tfw said:

Mods, we need a Groan emoji !

....with grey hair judging by the age of some of these jokes!

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Anyone seen the new film "Constipation"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It`s not out yet.

 

 

Simon.

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21 hours ago, Spookytooth said:

Anyone seen the new film "Constipation"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It`s not out yet.

 

 

Simon.

Did you hear about the old-fashioned mathematician who had constipation?  He could work it out with a pencil!

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2 hours ago, Fatcawthorne said:

Did you hear about the old-fashioned mathematician who had constipation?  He could work it out with a pencil!

If it was a hard one he worked it out with logs

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11 hours ago, Ratch said:

If it was a hard one he worked it out with logs

Should that not be logarithms ??  :whistle:

 

Dick

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8 hours ago, jenko said:

Should that not be logarithms ??  :whistle:

 

Dick

Yes, logs is short for logarithms or hadn't you heard that :doh:

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1 hour ago, Ratch said:

Yes, logs is short for logarithms or hadn't you heard that :doh:

Now you mention it yes, but it was soooo long ago.  :wacko:

 

Last century to be precise :analintruder:

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What did the slug say to the snail?

 

Big Issue, sir?

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3
  • Confused 1

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Elvis Costello has put his name on a new line of Mediterranean sausages. Just tried one and it was delicious. 

 

I think olive salami is here to stay.

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.

 A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

 

 

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

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You hear about the fellow that drowned in his bowl of muesli ?

 

 

 

 

pulled under by a currant ..

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What's R2-D2 short for?

 

 

He's only got little legs.

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I see that in really rough parts of the country, security firms are using ex army vehicles to move money about between banks.

The good news is they can use the same sticker on the back. This vehicle is tracked.

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Posted (edited)

More, more classic! More Mr. Pitkin as training manual: 

 

B.R.

Serge

 

P.S.

Remembered, in the context of the first video:

 

Edited by Aardvark

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Celebrity endorsements are just everywhere these days.  For instance, I’ve just bought a pack of sausages, and on the back there’s a picture of Anthony Worrall Thompson.  Underneath it says “pr!ck with a fork”.  Seems a bit harsh.

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I picked this up in my local supermarket - I thought it was the new Ed Sheerin album.

spacer.png

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The Police phoned me to tell me my wife had been admitted to hospital.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Critical", replied the Officer.

"Oh, what's she complaining about now?" I said.

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A young lad said to his new girlfriend, "I want to be a millionaire like my Dad".

She said: "Wow, your dad's a millionaire?"

"No - he wants to be".

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