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Bonhoff

Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

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One day I will become a new Doctor Evil and nightmare of all mankind .... maybe I will make triangular blankets!

Dr_Evil.jpg

B.R.

Serge

 

 

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Remember Space Jockey (Pilots/Engineers)

from Aliens/Prometheus  movie Ridley Scott:

desktopwallpapers.org.ua-99601.jpg

????

Many fans of this movie  are puzzled about how the movie makers could come up with such a thing?

Perhaps I found the answer! 😁Probably in childhood, one of the moviemakers built the  old soviet  kit 1/50 Yak-18 from KRUGOZOR , and its pilot:

20190312-212223.jpg

forever influenced their childish psyche!

😁😁😁

 

B.R.

Serge

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Man goes to see his solicitor.

 

"How can I help you?"

 

"I understand I can legally change my name using something called a deed poll?"

 

"Thats correct.  Can I take some details?

 

"Certainly."

 

"OK.  So what Is your full name?"

 

"Patrick   Horsedung."

 

"Well,  I can see why you want to change your name!  So what would you like to change your name to?"

 

"Michael!"

 

 

 

 

 

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Donald Trump has banned pre-shredded cheese....

 

 

He wants to make America grate again.

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To my friend's astonishment a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grandfather got out.

The policeman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.

"Why, Grandfather?" my friend said, "You've been going there for 40 years. How could you get lost?"

The old man smiled slyly. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. "I just got tired of walking".
 

 

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The Cure are to headline Glastonbury.

 

I'm going see a Cure cover band called 'The Prevention'; they are much better.

 

 

(shamelessly nicked from the Guardian.)

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 'Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?.....

 

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!' 

 

Sorry

 

Graham 

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Went to the local horse races yesterday.

Bloke sidled up to me and said, "Would you like the winner of the next race."

I said, "No thanks. We only have a small garden."

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I know a joke about roofing... but it'll go over your head.

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- On the new moon you need to show the coin to the Moon and say: "Moon, darling, give me money full purse!"

- Minister of Finance, do you have any other ideas for overcoming the crisis?

 

B.R.

Serge

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I tripped over my wife’s bra this morning.

 

It was a booby trap......

 

Graham

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a french cheese factory exploded.

 

a worker said that all that was left was debrie

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Did you know that while English cheese is made from butter, French cheese is made from marge?

 

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Oh no, 'fromage' - finally I get it… only took me 14 hours :( 

Please can we have a groan emoji?

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i realy think we do

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On 3/21/2019 at 11:16 PM, CedB said:

Oh no, 'fromage' - finally I get it… only took me 14 hours :( 

Please can we have a groan emoji?

Well, I didn’t get it at all until now! 🙄

 

Graham

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Just heard that Persil have invented a washing powder so strong that it will remove stains from Middlesex.

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There was an accident today on the M3.

A lorry carrying a load of Vics Vapour rub overturned.

But there has been no congestion for 8 hours.

 

Simon.

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On 27/03/2019 at 07:06, Kiwidave4 said:

Just heard that Persil have invented a washing powder so strong that it will remove stains from Middlesex.

I must be getting old, that has taken me 5 days to work out.....:doh:

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On ‎3‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 4:27 AM, Aardvark said:

Remember Space Jockey (Pilots/Engineers)

from Aliens/Prometheus  movie Ridley Scott:

desktopwallpapers.org.ua-99601.jpg

????

 

Serge

 

 I still have that book ISBN 0 905664 26 4.Giger's Alien. 1979.

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You can easily distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the reptile sees you later or in a while...

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That's near a bad as the difference between a stoat & a weasel, the Stoat is stoatally different to the weasel which is weasily distinguished. :D

Steve.

Edited by stevehnz

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While the wife and I were getting intimate the other night I asked her if I was her first one. She said yes. 

All the others were nines and tens  😲

 

Nigel

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