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Bonhoff

Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

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Justice is a dish best served cold, because if it were served warm it would be justwater.

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Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Plus, revenge is sweet.

So revenge is … ice cream.

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What if they close the supermarkets?

We'll have to hunt for our food!

I don't even know where Dorito's live!

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FOR INFORMATION IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS .

 

If you get an email from Public Health Britain advising you NOT to eat tined pork products.

 

Ignore it.

 

It's SPAM

 

 

Dick

 

Just dug that one up.

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10 minutes ago, jenko said:

FOR INFORMATION IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS .

 

If you get an email from Public Health Britain advising you NOT to eat tined pork products.

Ignore it.

It's SPAM

Dick

Just dug that one up.

Dick bury it it is corned beef.

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24 minutes ago, jenko said:

FOR INFORMATION IN THIS TIME OF CRISIS .

 

If you get an email from Public Health Britain advising you NOT to eat tined pork products.

 

Ignore it.

 

It's SPAM

 

 

Dick

 

Just dug that one up.

As Barry Cryer once said “I don’t know where he gets them from. But when I find out, I’m going there and burning it down!”

 

Trevor

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If you’d mentioned COVID-19 a year ago, I’d have assumed someone had finally found a way to view US DVDs on UK players.

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I think my electric fan has contracted coronavirus.


It's started self-oscillating.

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The wife just shouted from the front room, "Have you ever felt a searing pain pass through your body like a voodoo doll has just been stabbed?"

 

Puzzled I said, "No."

 

Then she said, "How about now?"

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Rick Astley is do a concert for the N.H.S.  ....

Haven`t they suffered enough....

 

Simon

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Microsoft have just issued a major virus allert - Windows 10 has got Cortana virus

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7 hours ago, Circloy said:

Microsoft have just issued a major virus allert - Windows 10 has got Cortana virus

... which is the least of its problems ...

 

(Windows 10 shut my old computer down to the point where no-one could revive it!)

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Virus or not, me and my partner are just having a couple of hours down Skegness seafront.

 

We've toured the arcades, had a couple of rides and got some ace photos eating candy floss in 'kiss me quick' hats.

 

My boss even rang up to see how we're getting on. I told him, "All quiet here Sarge, we've not had to make any arrests."

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My wife told the first doctor that I was impotent and then told the second one I was hopeless in bed. I stormed out of the convention before she got to Jon Pertwee.

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My wife told the doctor I was not impotent.

 

Only thing she got right we have 4 children.

 

Ah well only 4 times. 😊

 

Laurie

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I've had a lockdown in effect for a month now with a newborn, a toddler and a wife.

 

With that in mind can we be entirely sure that, being confined with three wives and numerous children, Osama bin Laden didn't actually call in a hit on himself to Navy Seal Team Six?

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