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Bonhoff

Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

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When my Grandad first saw Titanic he kept telling people it would sink.

 

At first they took no notice, then they threw him out of the cinema.

Edited by Kiwidave4

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My wife says there are only two things wrong with me - one, that I never listen and two, something else she was blathering on about.

 

Cheers,

 

Nigel

Edited by nheather

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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree.

 

He selected a tree and as he started to swing at, the tree shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"

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Blokes wife stormed into the kitchen and said, "Didn't you just hear me fall down the stairs?"

 

He says, "Oh, I thought that was the start of Eastenders."

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I ran out of paint so had to stop modelling and talk to the wife. Turns out she doesn't work in Woolworth's any more.

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What is the difference between a cat and a comma ?

 

One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause and the end of its clause.

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3 minutes ago, Mick4350 said:

What is the difference between a cat and a comma ?

 

One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause and the end of its clause.

 

Alternatively, commas are useful.

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2 hours ago, Scimitar said:

 

 

mewy-christmas-santa-cats-animated-gif.g

 

Now that you have them all held captive what do you intend to request as a ransom?

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On 11/11/2018 at 9:59 PM, sinnerboy said:

I don't know weather to laugh or cry at that

Cry,it's definitely cry.

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Sir Pauls ode to Heather

 

We sat down on the river bank,

My heart was all a quiver

I slowly undid her suspender belt

And her leg fell in the river

 

sorry if I've posted that before, but it always makes me smile ☺️

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On 12/14/2018 at 5:08 PM, sinnerboy said:

Sir Pauls ode to Heather

 

We sat down on the river bank,

My heart was all a quiver

I slowly undid her suspender belt

And her leg fell in the river

 

sorry if I've posted that before, but it always makes me smile ☺️

I like the special 6 track EP Paul recorded for their wedding celebrations, covering songs by Rolf Harris, ZZ Top, Bill Withers, AC/DC, Rod Stewart and Elvis Costello;

 

Jake the Peg

Leg

Shake a leg

Hot Leg

Lean by me

I can't stand up for falling down

Edited by Whofan

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Since relocating to the UAE I've found out something interesting. The people in Dubai don't know about the Flintstones, but those in Abu Dhabi do!

 

Ian

Edited by limeypilot

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I went to the supermarket looking for hair conditioner, but the only thing in the toiletries aisle was apple conditioner.  Still, their apples look nice and shiny, so I'm hopeful.

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Just got a letter from the Origami Society. 

 

Not sure what to make of it.

 

I'm sure I heard recently they had folded.

 

 

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There's a new restaurant just opened locally, called Karma!

 

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve... 

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16 hours ago, Kiwidave4 said:

Just got a letter from the Origami Society. 

 

Not sure what to make of it.

 

I'm sure I heard recently they had folded.

 

 

Was it talking about their new deal with Sky Sports?

 

They'll have a weekly show on paper view.

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On 12/17/2018 at 11:36 AM, Tony C said:

There's a new restaurant just opened locally, called Karma!

 

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve... 

 

Guess they would serve just desserts.

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