Jump to content
This site uses cookies! Learn More

This site uses cookies!

You can find a list of those cookies here: mysite.com/cookies

By continuing to use this site, you agree to allow us to store cookies on your computer. :)

Bonhoff

Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

Recommended Posts

Thought we would get my granddaughter a bouncy castle for her Birthday party.

 

The man said the rental would be $50, and the setting up fee $1000.

 

I said, 'Thats outrageous".

 

He said, 'That's inflation for you'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/16/2018 at 2:12 PM, Gorby said:

I love Steven Wright's stuff. My favourite is:

 

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

His best line ever:

"I keep hearing these voices in my head...

...but all they ever say is 'Shut up--- we're not talking to you!' "

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

tried to grab the fog   I mist

 

despite the high cost of living, it remains popular

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the finest restaurants in New York .At the end of the evening the waiter came over to present the bill and a Scottish voice said "that's a' right laddie just gae the bill to me". The headlines in the local newspaper next day proclaimed "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man goes to a fancy dress party with no costume, just giving a woman a piggy-back.

 

"What have you come as?" the host asks, puzzled.

"A tortoise," he replies.

"So who's that?"

"That's Michelle."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Fr O’Grady after mass.

He says: “So what’s bothering you?”

She replies: “Oh, Father, I’ve terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says: “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Did he have any last requests?”

"Certainly father," she replied. “He said: “Please Mary, put down that damn gun!”

 

Selwyn

Edited by Selwyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 09/10/2018 at 21:12, pigsty said:

A man goes to a fancy dress party with no costume, just giving a woman a piggy-back.

 

"What have you come as?" the host asks, puzzled.

"A tortoise," he replies.

"So who's that?"

"That's Michelle."

 

How to start a loooong discussion :

Out of the so many answers, this one gets my vote :

So, you say he's wearing a belle?

I bet they're happy together.

*edit music references: Michelle, by the Beatles (Michelle, my belle)

and the Turtles, "So Happy Together".

Edited by AV O

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They told me I'd never be any good at poetry because I'm dyslexic

 

..... but so far I've made 2 jugs and a vase!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"I suffer from a very rare condition that is a cross between dyslexia and amnesia.

I would tell you what its called but I can't remember how to spell it!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.                                            There would be mass confusion! 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This may be a little risque for this site, mods please remove if it is

 

 

Doctor: Hello, how can I help you today

Woman: Well it's a bit embarrassing, but I keep finding Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina

 

The doctor then examines the lady

 

Doctor: Those aren't stamps, they're the stickers from bananas

 

Cheers,

 

Nigel

Edited by nheather

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Got fed up trying to keep on top of all the DIY stuff round my house so got a local handyman in.

 

Gave him a list of 10 jobs to do, but when he finished I found he had only done 1,3,5,7 & 9 on my list.


When I asked him why he didn't do 2,4,6,8 & 10 he said he was only an odd job man.
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Boy George was attacked by his pet reptile...

 

His spokesman said, “He needs a calmer chameleon!”

  • Like 2
  • Haha 2
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.

 

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

 

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just spent $300 to hire a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

 

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Went to see a touring Spanish magician.

For his finale he said he would disappear.

He stood centre stage, counted, "Uno, dos......."

Then vanished without a tres!

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6
  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another one requiring a groan button Dave :D 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What is the difference between a politician and a piece of cheese?

 

I know sombody who likes cheese!

 

Selwyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shamelessly stolen from another group:

 

My Grandparents were named Pearl and Dean but we just called them Grandma and Grandpapa, papa, papa, pa, papa, pa 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Young designer (victims modern education) - ruthless and merciless! 😁

 

Inscription on the box: Shturmovik IL-2.Plywood model kit.

IMG-1176-1.jpg

 

I don't understand 🤔

....it's a Rусские hackers hijack Spitfire or Бritish hackers hijack IL-2???

😁😁😁

 

Maybe, this new stage zombie program  MK-ultra, when you repeat:

" It's  a IL-2!....It's  a IL-2!.... It's  a IL-2!"....and Spitfire transform to IL-2 power you imagination!?

😁😁😁

 

B.R.

Serge

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hear there's a new Irish dancing show called ‘Streamdance’.

 

It’s similar to ‘Riverdance’, but it is only a tributary act.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×