Short Jokes III - Worst in the Series

[Bonhoff 2,127]

Conjunctivitis.com  - A site for sore eyes...

 

 

[Rob G 3,380]

I tried to start a website for women drivers....

 

it kept crashing.

[Bonhoff 2,127]

I'm going to teach my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

 

We'll get from Barking to Tooting in no time at all...

[Admiral Puff 2,200]

9 hours ago, Bonhoff said:

I'm going to teach my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

 

We'll get from Barking to Tooting in no time at all...

We've been barking for years, mate ...

[593jones 613]

You can Bank on that

[Kiwidave4 1,301]

I just got back from hospital..........

 

They reckon I might have Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

 

But at the moment it's hard to say

[Truro Model Builder 4,543]

A friend of mine has OCD. I bougt him a framed photo of the leaning tower of Pisa for his birthday. He's going nuts trying to hang it up straight.

[Kiwidave4 1,301]

A number of local toy-shops have reported that they have had kaleidoscopes stolen.

A police spokesperson said they believe a pattern is forming.

[Black Knight 4,518]

I had dinner with number 1 son last night. . .  . . .no, thats not the joke

 

He came out with;

A man goes to the doctor.

Doctor, I have always wanted to be a supermarket

'How long have you had these thoughts?'

Ever since I was Lidl

 

Then no.1  says to me

That ASDA be the worst joke you ever heard

 

BTW no.1 is well over 21+

[Kiwidave4 1,301]

I was in the hardware shop this morning and asked this bloke, "What gets rid of grime and tough stains?"

"Ammonia cleaner", he replied.

"Sorry", I said, "I thought you worked here"

[nheather 142]

Won first prize in a competition, a year’s supply of Marmite.

 

Yes you heard that right, a whole jar.

 

Cheers,

 

Nigel

[Tzulscha 2,335]

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

 

Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny.

 

I called the wrong number today. I said 'Hello, is Joey there?'

A woman answered and she said 'Yes he is.' And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’

She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.'

I said 'Alright, I’ll wait.'

 

When we were driving over the border back into the United States, they asked me if I had any firearms.

I said what do you need?

 

-Steven Wright

[Gorby 4,515]

28 minutes ago, Tzulscha said:

Steven Wright

I love Steven Wright's stuff. My favourite is:

 

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

[Scimitar 5,724]

“We had the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow this year. A great choice of venue: a place where people think Hepatitis B is a vitamin.”

Frankie Boyle.