An Albert's Tale (or four, or even five)..... Actually a Beady Eyed Herky Debs Albert Epic...

[Ascoteer]

MLG bays:

Wings on:

[Tomoshenko]

Superb. Really looks the business. Sorry for entering lecture mode, but Hendie is dead right, make sure you give that permanent marker a proper clean up. Get rid right and proper. It takes no prisoners and will bleed through pretty much anything - lead lining, NCB, Hazmat suits the lot!

[philp]

Hey, I just noticed someone is building an airplane model in this thread. The nerve.

Looking great Debs.

[Ace From Outer Space]

H Debs,

That last photo is fab! Ive never seen Snoopy from that angle and had no idea the torpedo shaped thingy above the cockpit was off centre. Its looking really good,

Cheers

Viv

[Ascoteer]

I shall return to my 'Route Check Saga' shortly.

In the meantime let me tell you about the RAF's uniquenesss in operating Albert. This being the 'Voice Controlled' Hercules...

At this juncture I have to explain the Flight Director system and how it could be coupled to the Autopilot.

The Smiths Autopilot fitted to the RAF's Alberts, aside from having the ability to select a Pitch Attitude, or Height Lock, or indeed select a Roll Attitude, had the ability to lock to the Flight Director system. Quintessentially this meant you could select 'Heading' whereby the Autopilot would follow whatever you had selected on your 'Heading Bug', or you could select 'Track' whereby the Autopilot would follow whatever you had decided to select on your 'Track Selector' on your HSI (Horizontal Situation Indicator). On the HSI you could select ILS/VOR, TACAN, or DOPPLER.

In the first 2 cases the selection would mean that the autopilot would track an ILS Localiser/VOR radial or a TACAN radial, laying off for drift. In DOPPLER the autopilot would track whatever the Nav had set on his or her Doppler Track, ie this thing:

The upshot of this is that, if the autopilot was coupled to the HSI, and if you had DOPPLER selected then, by changing the selection in the relevent Track Drum, the Nav could effectively steer Albert.

Now, read on...

Picture if you will a Pongo Officer (with that really annoying classic 'BBC Accent') standing on Albert's Flight Deck. My Captain says to said Pongo: "Impressive, isn't it?"

Pongo: "Oh no, not really, I have travelled on the Hercules many times. We have Gazelle and Lynx, they're far more interesting."

To which my Captain responds: "Ah yes, but this is an example of the latest mod to the RAF's Hercules fleet. This aeroplane is voice controlled."

One can tell that said Pongo Officer doesn't really believe this but is too polite to say so.

"Let me show you," says my Captain, taking his hands off the controls (and telling me to do the same). "Watch."

Captain: "Turn Left."

Albert turns left.

Captain: "STOP."

Albert stops turning.

Captain: "Turn Right."

Albert turns right.

Captain: "STOP."

Albert stops turning.

Pongo Officer: "I say. That's amazing!"

Captain: "It is, isn't it? Would you like a go?"

Pongo Officer: "Oh yes please!"

Captain: "Go on then."

Pongo Officer: "Turn Left."

Albert turns right.

Pongo Officer: "Stop."

Albert turns left.

Captain: "Look, you're not doing it right. You have to project your voice, You know, use word of command."

Pongo: "Oh, OK. Turn Right."

Albert does nothing.

Pongo, raising his voice: "TURN RIGHT!"

Albert turns left.

Pongo, shouting now: "TURN RIGHT!"

Albert continues to turn left.

(Note: By this stage the Co-Pilot is almost wetting herself in her efforts not to burst out laughing. It's probably a good thing my face was hidden by a pair of Ray Bans and the peak of my baseball cap!)

Whatever the Pongo ordered, Albert did the opposite. Eventually said Pongo became so frustrated he was jumping up and down whilst yelling at the aircraft! As a result, my Captain had to point out to him that you had to be good to be Aircrew and that any fool could go to Sandhurst.

Oh how we laughed.

[Ascoteer]

H Debs,

That last photo is fab! Ive never seen Snoopy from that angle and had no idea the torpedo shaped thingy above the cockpit was off centre. Its looking really good,

Cheers

Viv

Thanks Viv.

The 'torpedo shaped thingy' is the Ecko 290 Radar pod; the radar being relocated from the normal 'dolphin nose' to over the flight deck. I am not sure why it was mounted off centre to starboard but I suspect it was down to airframe strength given the flight deck emergency hatch being on the port side of the rear of the flight deck.

[Fritag]

Fantastic progress Debs - love the voice control story..........

[Hamden]

Really looking like Snoopy now - stunning work

Roger

[F4u]

Looking good Debs love the story voice command great !!!

Guy

[Col.]

...any fool could go to Sandhurst.

and most of them did.

[Ascoteer]

ROFL

[Miggers]

Superb. Really looks the business. Sorry for entering lecture mode, but Hendie is dead right, make sure you give that permanent marker a proper clean up. Get rid right and proper. It takes no prisoners and will bleed through pretty much anything - lead lining, NCB, Hazmat suits the lot!

Finally give it a wipe with a Tak-Rag.Give me a shout if you need to know more Debsta.

I wonder if Debs has a racing season looming

I can confirm that bad dampers on a tuned MGF NEED prompt attention

And the lady has one very fast one

Keep comfy Debs, there's always tomorrow for modelmaking

Bad dampers???,try a 3 series on blasted Bridgestone run flats!!!!

Fantastic progress Debs - love the voice control story..........

Bet you wish your old Jag could've done that eh Steeeevo :winkgrin:

Your Fs2004/FSX Albert can do all of that too Debs,well,not the voice controleee bit,unless you've got a cadet twiddling the heading bug wiv the mouse wheel.

[perdu]

Miggers don't those Bridgestones always feel like that on a 3?

[Miggers]

Miggers don't those Bridgestones always feel like that on a 3?

Yeah they do Bill.

TheE46 3srs Coupe I had wore Contact Sports,very quiet,very smooth with lots of grip,

went to the E90 3srs M-Sport on run flats :analintruder:

I'd heard the tales about Bridgey run flats and was shocked to learn it's all true.

Rumbles,whines,tram-lining,even shot wheel bearing noises ,they're awful,but they're £600-odd worth of rubber it's shod with and

if you take 'em off and try to sell 'em on,no one wants to give you tuppence for 'em.

Bloke I spoke to a couple of weeks back had a brand new E90 for eight months and then flogged it because of how it "drove".

A few weeks after he'd sold it,he heard about how run flats made it "drive"..............

Boy was he as sick as a parrot.................... :sick:

Edited February 16, 2016 by Miggers

[Coors54]

Miggers I can confirm that if you swap out the run flats the car is transformed. Luckily my E92's tyres needed replacing as a set so I replaced them with conventional Avon ZV5's - result a car that is quiet and a pleasure to drive. Emergency puncture kit and Robert is your Mums brother. How people put up with the run flats I don't know, I consider them dangerous to drive.

Good progress on Albert Debs.

[Leonl]

Nice work and the stories are great...

[Admiral Puff]

Sorry I'm a little late to the party, but Deb's "voice control" story brings to mind an adventure that Four Intrepid Aussies had on a visit to the Land of the Thick Wet Grey Cloud in early 1983. We were cruisin' through the country (the name "Long Marston" comes to mind, but it may have been elsewhere) when we spotted an Army establishment with a strange-looking (more than usual, that is) target parked outside. One of our number said "Hey, that's a (strange collection of letters and numbers). It was a prototype, and they only made one of them. Can we stop so I can take some piccies?"

So we stopped, and our colleague dragged out his camera and set to work. He had hardly begun before a uniformed object materialised from inside the establishment and, in an accent that came straight from the Goon Show's William "Mate" Cobblers, said " 'Ere, you can't do that. It's against the rules and regulations to take pictures of that tank".

Our colleague: "But there's nothing to say that here."

"Mate": "Don't matter, it's against the rules and regulations".

At this stage "Mate" was joined by a couple of squaddies, one of whom was a corporal. He asked our colleague to "accompany (him) to the guardroom" for a meeting with the Duty Officer. We all traipsed into the guardroom, and eventually a half-colonel drifted in. All was explained to him; when the fact that the miscreant was Australian came to light the sneer became even more pronounced.

Half-colonel: "You have committed a very serious breach of security. Because you're civilian, we can't deal; with you. We are going to have to call the police".

The police were duly called, and arrived abut fifteen minutes later - three officers, headed by an Inspector. The situation was explained again to them by the half-colonel; you could almost see the Inspector's eyes roll.

Inspector: "Very well, Sir, I understand. We will deal with these people".

We were released into the custody of the police, who escorted us out of the establishment and back to our car. As he was farewelling us, the Inspector said: "I'm so sorry about this. It's happening a couple of times every week, and we're sick of it. We've asked this lot so many times either to take the vehicle inside where it can't be seen or at least to put up signs pointing out that photography is forbidden. Hasn't made a blind bit of difference. Our Chief Constable has even taken it up with Army brass, but still nothing happens. They waste so much of our time, but can't, or won't, see that they have the solution in their own hands. If it happens much more we're going to start billing them!"

We went on our way shaking our heads, but with reinforced faith in the British bobby and a bit more enlightened as to why such spectacular victories as the Somme happened ...

[Miggers]

Here's a dit from me about blokes with that "BBC Accent" that Debs loves:

A shooting mate beats and helps the gamekeeper out on our local "landed" gentry's gaff,Rode Hall Estate,owned by the Baker-Wilbraham family.

He gets a phone call one Christmas Eve a couple of years back from their shoot captain saying that His Lordship was having a few "mates"

over on Boxing Day for a day's driven shooting(they have loads of pheasants)and was my mate available for the day to beat,chaperone and help out.

Food and hot drinks would be laid on at the Hall,so all he had to do was present himself in suitable attire early doors on Boxing Day morning

My pal said he was(he isn't married and lives on his own) and duly so on Boxing Day morn, he wriggles into his tweeds and drives the couple of miles to the shoot.

Upon arrival,he meets up with the other beaters,picker-uppers,dog runners and such,then they're introduced to The Guns by the shoot captain and His Lordship.

There's quite a few well known House of Lords faces as well as a few other "high placed" characters too.

Anyway,my mate said the day went extremely well and was very enjoyable,especially the incident he described to me.

He said that he was "on a peg" with a couple of the "high placed"Guns(Socialite types),watching them shoot,looking after them,

offering condolence and congratulations("I say,cracking shot Sir"or "bad luck Sir,thought you'd have that one")as required.

One is named Roger,one is named Basil(Strange but true so my mate swears).

It's Roger's shot,over comes a pheasant nicely placed at about 10 yards out and 20 yards up,Roger mounts his gun,swings through,

pulls the trigger,bang goes the Purdey/Perazzi/Churchill(other swanky expensive o/u shotguns are available)or whatever and the pheasant

sails on unpeturbed,Roger has missed with his top barrel but doesn't let go his bottom barrel for some reason.

This happens a couple of times and Basil seems to be getting more brassed off with Roger's poor shooting.

Here it comes,the "BeeBeeSee Eccent"..........

Basil(who says his "R"'s as "W"'s):"Woger"?

Rodger:"Yeeesss Basill"?

Basil:"Woger,is there samthing wong wivff your second bawwel ett awll?"

Roger:"No Basill,I rilly don't think so,why do you arsk?"

Basil:"Well in thet case Woger,why don't you use it then?"

Roger grunted and my mate really,really,really had to work hard not to burst out with laughter.

When he told us about it though later,(as Debs would say)oh how larffed then.

Good going Debs,the big nosed'un looks great.

I wouldv'e personally thought that Cosford's museum Albert(bog-standard C.3)would have been better at Hendon

and Snoopy preserved at Cosford.

He'd have fitted well into their Research and Developement Collection.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Miggers

[isaneng]

Debs, apologies, been OOA and just caught up. You asked -aaaaages ago - about nacelle vents. Are you referring to the 2 top vents, whose aft face is open? If so, I don't believe they had a specific purpose other than nacelle cooling and venting. Kept the TD amp cool I suppose, with its 'NO STEP' stencilling - a source of merriment to P3 drivers....

The fuel vent in the Ducks Bill WAS used on the tankers for the internal Andover tanks I believe. We also considered using it for other internal fuel loads in a more specialised role, but the Chinny boys wouldn't donate any of their transit tanks....

Was the Wedge released on 'Red ON, Cut.....' or am I thinking of another load?

And, non Albert related, good for you with your cadet work. I tried as an instructor for a while in Calne. Soon stopped, had forgotten how youth have an attention span measured in seconds.......

[Coors54]

Debs, quick, slightly techie question on Albert, I used to work on the Electra equipped with the civil version of Alberts T56 engines, does(did) Albert have the 4 E handles on the "dashboard" so you could isolate the engines in an emergency?

I seem to recall a chastening tale of an Argentine Military Electra that had a fatal accident when a high ranking officer made a Horlicks of trying to land a damaged aircraft and using the E handles at the point of alighting and one of them not working, his trying to go round again on one engine unsurprisingly didn't work........

[Ascoteer]

Albert had 4 .T Handles. on the windscreen overhead panel for shutting the engines down, as well as 4 'Condition Levers' next to (to the right of) the Power Levers.

The T Handles operated things like the fuel shut-off valves via Electickery, they also set up the routing for fire extinguishant in case of engine fire because we only had the 2 fire bottles (the T Handle would light up if you had a fire).

SOP on Emergency engine shutdown was to use the relevent Condition Lever first because this was linked mechanically and it would allow a faster shut-down. The T handle was operated secondary to the Condition Lever.

The mnemonic for the T Handles was:

Bleed Air : Shutoff

Extinguisher system direction valves : Positioned

Extinguisher agent discharge switch : Armed

Fuel (Engine Fuel Control & Firewall) shut-off valves : Closed

Starting Control Circuits : De-energized

Hydraulic (Firewall) shut-off valves : Closed

Oil shut-off valve : Closed

Propellor : Feathered

[Ascoteer]

Debs, apologies, been OOA and just caught up. You asked -aaaaages ago - about nacelle vents. Are you referring to the 2 top vents, whose aft face is open? If so, I don't believe they had a specific purpose other than nacelle cooling and venting. Kept the TD amp cool I suppose, with its 'NO STEP' stencilling - a source of merriment to P3 drivers....

The fuel vent in the Ducks Bill WAS used on the tankers for the internal Andover tanks I believe. We also considered using it for other internal fuel loads in a more specialised role, but the Chinny boys wouldn't donate any of their transit tanks....

Was the Wedge released on 'Red ON, Cut.....' or am I thinking of another load?

And, non Albert related, good for you with your cadet work. I tried as an instructor for a while in Calne. Soon stopped, had forgotten how youth have an attention span measured in seconds.......

Thanks.

I'm surprised that the Duck's Bill fuel vent was used on the Tankers owing to the fact that there was a dedicated pipe fitted to the port side of the door about halfway along its length.

IIRC you are right it was Wedge that went on 'Red ON, cut'.

Working with Cadets is a lot of fun and I am hugely proud of mine. You are right about attention span though - I tend to get over that hurdle with some fairly direct 'Service' humour (I'm not very PC me!).

[Ascoteer]

I wouldv'e personally thought that Cosford's museum Albert(bog-standard C.3)would have been better at Hendon

and Snoopy preserved at Cosford.

He'd have fitted well into their Research and Developement Collection.

I'm bloody furious that Snoopy wasn't preserved. Given his uniqueness I think it's a National Tragedy. I agree with you that he should have gone to Cosford and a std Albert to Hendon.

Having said that, Cosford are bloody useless in the way they display 202 (the prop configuration is wrong (!) as they have repeatedly been told by me and others).

Don't even get me started over the fact that they are displaying the Belslow with an MSP in its freight bay (the Belslow was never cleared for airdrop)!

MUPPETS!

Edit: The other thing that P's me off about Cosford is that, of the 6 airframes there that are in my Log Book, only 2 are kept under cover.

[Miggers]

I'm bloody furious that Snoopy wasn't preserved. Given his uniqueness I think it's a National Tragedy. I agree with you that he should have gone to Cosford and a std Albert to Hendon.

Having said that, Cosford are bloody useless in the way they display 202 (the prop configuration is wrong (!) as they have repeatedly been told by me and others).

Don't even get me started over the fact that they are displaying the Belslow with an MSP in its freight bay (the Belslow was never cleared for airdrop)!

MUPPETS!

Edit: The other thing that P's me off about Cosford is that, of the 6 airframes there that are in my Log Book, only 2 are kept under cover.

I'm guessing their Albert is one,the Dom another,the JP another,maybe the Bulldog.......

Not sure about the others though.

I'd have said the 780 with you being a skilled toibo-propper,but he's tucked up in a hangar........

Albert and the Dom for certain thinking about it,they're outdoors.

Edited February 17, 2016 by Miggers

[Ex-FAAWAFU]

...the Drop Snode Ejector...

The what??

Sorry, old gal; don't understand your banter.