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An Albert's Tale (or four, or even five)..... Actually a Beady Eyed Herky Debs Albert Epic...


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Incidentally, I concur with whoever it was a few pages ago who praised Canadian in flight rations. The winners, however, are the French. Sometime in the 80s I helped ferry 2 Sea King 5s from Culdrose out to Illustrious in the Med (the only time I ever landed on Lusty, in fact). En route we stopped over night at Merignac, near Bordeaux - at the time a unique triple airfield; ⅓ Dassault factory test, ⅓ Bordeaux airport, ⅓ French Air Force Mirage IV base (only the French would mix tourists with a nuclear bomber base!).

Before leaving Culdrose we had asked for rations to sustain us during our schlep along the Pyrenees and down the Soanish coast to Lusty (between Barcelona & Menorca). As we were starting up, a van arrived and delivered our food (4 crew per aircraft, remember). 2 entire baguettes. Each. Salami, jambon, several cheeses, a tray of peaches... and 8 bottles of Bordeaux!

I do recall on the illustrious we docked in Brest and loaded up on rations, especially baked beans for breakfast before we headed out into the abyss for a good few weeks. Unfortunately no one noticed they were tins of baked beans and carrots! :jealous::jealous: . It was followed by several weeks of 'dry' cooked breakfast! Pesky French lol

Edited by moaning dolphin
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This thread is brilliant loving the tales of past experience's, I would get the question when I was Catalina crew after arriving at a show after shut down and I was buttoning the aircraft up while the engines where still ticking from heat did you fly here !!! :banghead:

Guy

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I hated the inconveniences on Albert :(

Nuff said but I'm loving the tales of boghopping ;)

I don't see any problem with Airfix making the flaps out of scale, you are simply going to rescale the wings anyway

You pretty well have to anyway with remounting the nacelles, so this will simply be "accurising" further

Nice solder work too Debs

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I'm so glad Mr. Friday mentioned t'other day in his Two Orks thread that you were scratchbuilding a Herc flightdeck Debs, as it led me to find yet another epic Ascoteer thread! I really wanted to find something to use as a reference for putting something in my A model 1/144 Herc where there's just a bliddy big hole. Well, your flightdeck is the perfect reference, but almost even better are the wonderful tales of the life of Albert that are appearing. Brilliant stuff, keep 'em coming!

Keith

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So, the fact that Abert had an elsan was brought up on Steve's (Fritag's) Hawk thread. He brought it up, not me, honest Guv'nor! The elsan (chemical toilet) was not the only 'convenience' that Albert possesed. Most airframes had 3 urinals, one on the aft face of Station 245 (the bulkhead bewteen the flight deck and the freight bay) next to the entry door into the freight bay, and one each either side of the freight bay just aft of the ramp hinge. Some aircraft had a fourth urinal on the rear of Stn. 245 on the starboard side. The urinals were kind of rectangular receptacles and (for me) somewhat disturbing in that they had a built in suction system (to drain them overboard) that was part of the aircraft's pressurisation system. As a result they constantly 'gurgled' in flight. They were also totally non female-friendly. Thus we (of the lumpy jumper persuasion) were forced to use the elsan that was situated on the port side just aft of the ramp hinge (and forward of the urinal). When you are flying trips of an average of 8+ hrs, having a 'loo' is pretty essential! Being above the ramp, the elsan was mounted in a frame that could be raised when loading via the ramp. The elsan being lowered by the Loadie after take off and having a curtain drawn around it. On my Sqn we had a certain Loadie (Pedro) who was known as a practical joker. For eg, he'd 'trip over' when serving the Nav a hot drink and throw polystyrene beads over the Nav; he'd get into your kit bag and draw skid marks on your undies in chinagraph... You get the point... So there we were bringing a bunch of pongoes back from Germany. I can't remember if it was from Paderborn/Lippstadt or from Munster/Osnabruch. The point is moot; said pongoes had just come off a major excersise and, whilst not 'dirty' they were a tad smelly. Pedro goes down the back of Albert, stripped to the waist, and with a towel over his shoulder. He then goes behind the curtain surrounding the elsan. Apparently there then comes the sound of him singing while he mussed up and wetted his hair using water squirted from a Fairy Liquid bottle. Complete and having 'washed' he then strode forward along the freight bay only to be intercepted by a (relatively) senior Army Officer (a Colonel IIRC). "I say Sergeant Major (Pedro was a Master Air Loadmaster) what have you been doing? "Taking a shower, Sah!" comes the response. "I say! Well my chaps have just come out of the field and could do with using the ablution." "Oh no sir. You see it's an Aircrew facility. Aircrew only, sah!" Needless to say, said Army 'wheel' was somewaht unimpressed by this and stormed up to the flight deck (followed by Pedro) demanding of my Captain as to why his troops could not use the 'Aircrew Shower'. I'm sitting there thinking WTF??? What 'Aircrew Shower'? We don't have a shower aircrew or not. Of course, Pedro is winking furiously. My Captain, a certain Cornish gentleman, rapidly switches on to whats going on and tells the Army Officer in no uncertain terms that the shower is an 'Aircrew Facility' and not for use by passengers. Said Army Officer is even more unimpressed and begins to remonstrate with my Captain stating the fact that he outranks my Captain. That's not a good idea. An aircraft Captain is sacrosanct. My Captain responds with:"Loadie, take this gentleman down the back and ensure he straps in. If he gives you any hassle you have my permission to hit him with a chain tensioner." The rest of the flight is fairly uneventful and we didn't think anything more about it. About a month later OC 30 calls us into his office and drops the bombshell that the Staish wants to see us with our hats... Oops! Apparently the Colonel had complained and the complaint had risen to the highest army echelons of the MOD. It had then travelled sideways to their Airships, before descending through the chain of command to the Lyneham Staish. At no stage had any Albert operators been involved in said chain of command. Staish: "So what have you jokers been up to, hmm? What's all these complaints about you preventing the Army from using the shower on the aircraft because it's an 'Aircrew Shower'?" My Captain: "Sir. There isn't a shower fitted to Albert."Staish: "Yes. That's what I told the silly buggers." Yeah we laughed about that. Winding the Pongoes up was just so easy! :D

Debs,

I'm enjoying the build, but absolutely loving your stories. Have you ever considered compiling them into a book?

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Well we had to be 'characters' because, to those not in the know, anyone who didn't fly a flashy, whizzy thing, that went 'whoosh', was somehow a lesser aviator.

:rolleyes:

Sounds like life in today's Wokka community of which son-in-law is part. He tells some good tales too...!!

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Hi Chris.

I'm not really an author - my tales are snapshots of my time on Albert.

I don't think I could actually write a book that anyone would want to read!

I bet you could. You seem to have a natural talent and your humour is so refreshing. I'd certainly buy a copy of you did.

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so, is there any truth in the story of the flashy single seat pilot calling Albert and saying "hey, watch this" and proceeding to throw his mount around the sky..."can you do that?".....to be met with deathly silence...after a while the Albert Captain came back..."sorry.I missed that, I went back to take a leak...can you do that?"

Ian

Edited by limeypilot
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Just come across this thread and have been catching up. So far it fits all I like in a thread, excellent model building, humor and some great stories. Hope you don't mind if I tag along?

While my Dad was in the USAF I couldn't fly because of my eyes so after one year at AFROTC I passed on joining up. However, I take any chance I get to take a flight and can count a B-17 and a T-6 on my list.

I have always liked the Herc but mainly the Gunship versions. Could be because I got to see one when I was about 15 in 1975 at Big Sky Days (Malmstrom AFB, MT open house).

AC-130%252520front.jpg

And while I would love to build a few I have always been concerned with what I have heard about the available kits (I have two of the Testors AC-130A kits in the stash). So while you are not making a version I will do I will still borrow some of your fixes for when I get going, if you don't mind.

I have been able to see Hercs at lots of airshows and museums and have a couple pics from AMARC.

P8050285.JPG

P8050297.JPG

And did get to see "Fat Albert" at an airshow at Mountain Home AFB, ID. While he didn't do the JATO start he did do the short landing which I now know to be called the Khe Sanh.

P7240148.JPG

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Well we had to be 'characters' because, to those not in the know, anyone who didn't fly a flashy, pointy, whizzy thing, that went 'whoosh', was somehow a lesser aviator.

:rolleyes:

At least your aircraft had fixed wings. Can you imagine the disdain with which the drivers of flashy, pointy, whizzy things that went 'whoosh' regarded those of us who flew aircraft whose wings went round and whose maximum speed was around 100 knots?

One of my earliest proofs that there is a God of Aviators, and that he has a sense of humour, came this way. The Shar guys on 801 when I was a Sea King first tourist on 820 were mostly great blokes, and included at least 3 ex-rotary pilots anyway, so the 2 squadrons got on well. There was, however, one jet pilot who obviously suffered from erectile dysfunction or similar, because he was deeply obnoxious: "I hate chopper pukes" was his mantra - such a charmer. He even had a T shirt bearing this hilarious slice of wit.

This went on right up to the moment when he had a bird strike off Tiree, his engine exploded and he had to eject PDQ. My aircraft happened to be nearest, so we fished him out of the oggin to take him back to Mum for tea & medals. It was a bit choppy, but it was a simple enough winching exercise, but my Observer succeeded in 'accidentally' dunking him several times in the balmy January Atlantic water before we finally rescued him.

Strangely we heard rather less about the inferiority of rotating wings thereafter.

As the old FAA song "Rotary" (to the tune of Que Sera Sera - first written in Ark Royal 4 days to counter the Toom & Brick majority in the wardroom) has it: "Stovies are dull / Stovies are boring / Think they sound punchy / On the RT / But when they bang out / Fifty miles out / They call for rotary / Rotary-tary / The Sea King's the bird for me / She flies so gracefully / Rotary-tary".

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Gonna stay well out of this. Even a long ago ex-driver of flashy, pointy, whizzy things that went 'whoosh' knows there are some attitudes it ain't politic, or for that matter healthy, to be associated with........ ;)

EDIT:

Of course much the same might be said nowadays of nearly all the attitudes that young men growing up in the 70's and 80's observed in their elders and were expected to inherit.

Edited by Fritag
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OK, pull up a bollard; dit on. I couldn't decide whether to put this here or in Steve/Fritag's outstanding Hawk thread (with its tales of Elsans and pampers). Eventually here won. It is, you will be glad to hear, nothing to do with lavatories of any description. I cannot, however, guarantee that it is in 100% good taste. So anyone who is fully squeam, or even a bit squeam-ish, should probably look away now.

A lot of old matelots seem to want their mortal remains to return to the sea, even if they left the Navy decades before their death. Every ship at some stage gets a call asking whether they would mind scattering the ashes of some old gentleman at sea, especially if they'd served in some previous war canoe of the same name. Of course we do it, it is a privilege to do so, and even the sailors - an irreverent lot in almost all circumstances - treat such things with enormous respect.

My last proper job in the RN (i.e. not counting the "thank you and goodbye" job I did while I worked my 18 months' notice) was at 819 NAS based at Prestwick (HMS Gannet) in Scotland. Our primary/war role was to provide ASW protection for the Clyde submarine base, but we also provided SAR cover for the whole of the West coast from the top of the Isle of Man right up to Stornaway - a huge area of sea, islands and mountains which therefore offered some of the most fun (and occasionally challenging) flying to be found anywhere.

Not long after I joined the Squadron, we received one of these calls from the padre. An old gentleman had recently died, and he'd served in 819 during the war, including maintaining the 819 Swordfish that flew on the Taranto raid. He was also a mad keen fisherman, so would we consent to scattering his ashes over [insert name of well-known but very remote Loch here; let us allow him some dignity]?

Yes, of course we would. The ashes were duly delivered and, as luck would have it, they were in a canister almost exactly the same size and shape (though not weight - you may be well ahead of me here...) as a sonobuoy. "That's fine", think the assembled experienced RN aircrew who were planning this sortie; "we can undo the lid at the last minute, and then drop the canister through the sonobuoy chute in the floor of the aircraft". We couldn't just welly it out of the window, you see, in case it hit the tail rotor or similar; to use the sonobuoy chute (which sounds dead sophisticated and that, but is in fact a hole in the floor) meant that we knew it was safe for the aircraft provided we flew in a certain way; we dropped thousands of buoys every year, so what could possibly go wrong?

What indeed? Off we bimbled to our Loch. We assessed the local wind and ran through the plan once more inside the cab, before slowing the aircraft down to about 60 knots at 200' over the water. The Aircrewman and Observer did their double act and despatched the ashes in the prescribed manner, carefully retaining the lid.

Job done, we went on with whatever else we were briefed to do (cannot remember).

All Naval aircraft face a constant battle against corrosion, but especially those that spend copious amounts of time hovering 40' over the sea in a self-generated cloud of salt water spray. Naval helicopters, therefore, are coated every day with a thin film of oil, to protect the airframe.

A couple of hours after we'd landed, the watch Chief came up to my office. "What on earth were you doing in Zero-Seven today, Boss? The entire tail is covered in a layer of grit, and it is really difficult to shift.".

I never did have the heart to tell the boys what the "grit" was (though they found out in the end, of course).

I did, however, eventually help design a better system for scattering ashes, which involved lowering them 50' below the aircraft on the winch wire and only then removing the lid.

Oooops.

Edited by Ex-FAAWAFU
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That actually sounds exactly what the doctor/ex-matelot engineery type would have ordered Crisp

If he'd been a Swordfish maintainer and a proper piffhead matelot ending up coating the rear end of a serving helo would have been a 'heavenly' way to go

Me, I reckon they'll just dump me in a deep enough 'ole, in fact there's lots of partially refilled ones of mine about

Purrups I should tell someone where to look :)

Great dit Crisp, keep 'em flowing

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OK, pull up a bollard; dit on. I couldn't decide whether to put this here or in Steve/Fritag's outstanding Hawk thread (with its tales of Elsans and pampers). Eventually here won. It is, you will be glad to hear, nothing to do with lavatories of any description. I cannot, however, guarantee that it is in 100% good taste. So anyone who is fully squeam, or even a bit squeam-ish, should probably look away now.

A lot of old matelots seem to want their mortal remains to return to the sea, even if they left the Navy decades before their death. Every ship at some stage gets a call asking whether they would mind scattering the ashes of some old gentleman at sea, especially if they'd served in some previous war canoe of the same name. Of course we do it, it is a privilege to do so, and even the sailors - an irreverent lot in almost all circumstances - treat such things with enormous respect.

My last proper job in the RN (i.e. not counting the "thank you and goodbye" job I did while I worked my 18 months' notice) was at 819 NAS based at Prestwick (HMS Gannet) in Scotland. Our primary/war role was to provide ASW protection for the Clyde submarine base, but we also provided SAR cover for the whole of the West coast from the top of the Isle of Man right up to Stornaway - a huge area of sea, islands and mountains which therefore offered some of the most fun (and occasionally challenging) flying to be found anywhere.

Not long after I joined the Squadron, we received one of these calls from the padre. An old gentleman had recently died, and he'd served in 819 during the war, including maintaining the 819 Swordfish that flew on the Taranto raid. He was also a mad keen fisherman, so would we consent to scattering his ashes over [insert name of well-known but very remote Loch here; let us allow him some dignity]?

Yes, of course we would. The ashes were duly delivered and, as luck would have it, they were in a canister almost exactly the same size and shape (though not weight - you may be well ahead of me here...) as a sonobuoy. "That's fine", think the assembled experienced RN aircrew who were planning this sortie; "we can undo the lid at the last minute, and then drop the canister through the sonobuoy chute in the floor of the aircraft". We couldn't just welly it out of the window, you see, in case it hit the tail rotor or similar; to use the sonobuoy chute (which sounds dead sophisticated and that, but is in fact a hole in the floor) meant that we knew it was safe for the aircraft provided we flew in a certain way; we dropped thousands of buoys every year, so what could possibly go wrong?

What indeed? Off we bimbled to our Loch. We assessed the local wind and ran through the plan once more inside the cab, before slowing the aircraft down to about 60 knots at 200' over the water. The Aircrewman and Observer did their double act and despatched the ashes in the prescribed manner, carefully retaining the lid.

Job done, we went on with whatever else we were briefed to do (cannot remember).

All Naval aircraft face a constant battle against corrosion, but especially those that spend copious amounts of time hovering 40' over the sea in a self-generated cloud of salt water spray. Naval helicopters, therefore, are coated every day with a thin film of oil, to protect the airframe.

A couple of hours after we'd landed, the watch Chief came up to my office. "What on earth were you doing doing in Zero-Seven today, Boss? The entire tail is covered in a layer of grit, and it is really difficult to shift.".

I never did have the heart to tell the boys what the "grit" was (though they found out in the end, of course).

I did, however, eventually help design a better system for scattering ashes, which involved lowering them 50' below the aircraft on the winch wire and only then removing the lid.

Oooops.

Many years ago whilst a baby maintainer working at Prestwick a Seaking came back absolutely caked with sand and s*** down the side. I spent many hours, on my birthday including a night shift to clean that cab and then was severely beaten by my watch chief as I couldn't do a well enough job. Totally scarred me for the rest of my career, if only I knew what they aircrew had been up to .................................

Not really but would have been funny! :winkgrin:

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Guy,

In 1997 I took the first Black Dominie to RIAT at Fairford.

Standing by the aircraft on the Saturday, wearing my green bag complete with combined 'Wings' / Name badge I was asked:

"Who is the Pilot of this aircraft?"

Now I'll admit my badge was 'toned down' being black on green, but I was also wearing a 55 Sqn badge on my right shoulder.

I answered the question with:

"Why t'is me good sir. I am indeed the Captain and pilot of this here flying machine."

I got the response:

"You don't look old enough."

I was 34 FFS!

You must look young for your age !!

I have also heard the same question asked many times to our drivers with bags on and wings showing and PBY-5A Catalina patch on the shoulder!!!

I remember the black Dominie at Fairford nice looking aircraft, yep I was there mooching about was that the year the Greek A-7's and a Flogger was in attendance ?

Guy

Edited by F4u
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