GordonD

Went to the doctor and he told me to face the window and put my tongue out. "Will that help you diagnose what's wrong with me?" I asked. He replied, "No, but I can't stand the man across the road."

My postman got the shock of his life when the door opened and I was standing there stark naked. He had no idea I knew where he lived.

Hope you're wearing your lad's hard hat.

Just read this page, tried to go back to see my other unread stuff, and got the 500 message!

Love this.

Captain America refused to apologise. The situation escalated rapidly and soon it was the biggest battle the world had ever seen.

Wife in supermarket: You can put that case of beer back, we can't afford it. Me: Well, what about this jar of face-cream for you? Wife: That's to make me look beautiful! Me: That's what the beer's for!

I have just been accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Yesterday, actually, but this, as discussed earlier:

I hate to say this but isn't the letter on the tail fin just another A for Angel?

Looks like your lad is already doing it! 😁 I saw this kit (the 2001 Space Pod) in Wonderland Models on Monday when I went in to collect my 1/350 Discovery, and it's been calling to me ever since. Today I took the plunge and ordered it on Amazon (thirty quid cheaper). So any hints and tips from you, Mike, would be much appreciated.

I bet you were in Norfolk. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called 'teethpaste'.

Jim woke up early on Saturday morning for his weekly game of golf. He slipped quietly out of bed to avoid waking his wife, then showered, dressed and had breakfast. However when he opened the front door there was thunder and lightning and the rain was coming down like a monsoon. He decided this was too much and closed the door, undressed quickly without putting the bedroom light on then got back into bed and snuggled up to his wife. She gave a contented sigh and said, "Can you believe my idiot husband is playing golf in this weather?"

Man on his deathbed surrounded by his wife and four sons. He says to his wife, "Elsie - I'm dying and there's one thing I've always wondered but didn't bring up because we had a truly happy marriage and I didn't want to ruin it. But our youngest son, Jack, is a skinny little thing while the other three are big hulking brutes. Please don't lie to me - is Jack really my son?" His wife looks him directly in the eye and says, "As God is my witness, Jack truly is your son." "Thank you, Elsie," he says, and dies a happy man. And Elsie thinks to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three!"

No point. Philately will get you nowhere.

Sadly, not Morgan. The ISS's Russian Pirs docking compartment has been decommissioned and will be separated from the structure within the next few weeks. Assuming the launch of the long-awaited Nauka module goes according to plan, Progress MS-16, currently docked with Pirs, will pull it away from the rest of the ISS and de-orbit it to burn up in the atmosphere. Nauka will then take Pirs's place. On 2 June cosmonauts Novitsky and Duprov carried out a 7hr 19min EVA to disconnect external power cables and clear the way for the switchover. Full details here.

Meant to post this yesterday but I forgot. Sixty years ago yesterday, John F. Kennedy made this speech to Congress

Everybody has heard of Tarzan, but not many know the ultimate fate of the Lord of the Jungle. One sad day, he was swinging through the trees when a vine snapped and he fell sixty feet to the ground and broke his neck. The natives who found him, mindful of the many occasions when he had come to their aid, decided to grant him the greatest honour that their tribe could bestow - they made his body into musical instruments so that even after his death he could bring pleasure to those around him. His thigh bones were boiled until all the marrow had gone, then holes were drilled along their length to convert them into flute-like instruments. His finger bones were placed in his skull to make a rattle. His skin was stretched across his pelvis to form a drum, played by striking it with the bones from his forearms. And most elaborate of all, his intestines were dried in the sun then strung across his ribcage to create a kind of primitive harp. As befitting the skill and length of time required to create this last one, it became the property of the tribal leader, who vowed that it would be passed down to his son and then to his son, down through the family so that their hero's memory could be kept alive by the chiefs playing Tarzan's tripes forever.

A story which has dated badly because now they'd all have pocket calculators!

NASA has released footage of Ingenuity in flight - WITH SOUND!

Oops! I overlooked the fact that yesterday saw the sixtieth anniversary of America's first manned space flight - Alan Shepard's sub-orbital hop aboard Mercury-Redstone 3, better known as Freedom 7. Back then, of course, it generated huge excitement, but now coverage of manned space missions is patchy - did you know that the Crew Dragon 1 astronauts returned to Earth on Sunday morning? First American night splashdown since Apollo 8, but if they mentioned it on TV I missed it. We've obviously come a long way since Shepard's flight, though he and everybody else would surely have expected us to have gone a lot further - a Moonbase and footprints on Mars at the very least. Unfortunately you don't get Buck Rogers without the bucks, or whatever the quotation is - without the will of the politicians we're not going anywhere. I just hope that come the 75th anniversary we're not still stuck where we are now.

LOS for now, Mike. We'll see you on the other side.