Kiwidave4

Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or is it one of Granny's myths?

A bloke was sitting at the side of the road crying his eyes out, his dead hamster in his hands. A fairy godmother asked him what the matter was. He said, “I loved my pet hamster and it just died ”. The fairy godmother said, “Well I can’t bring it back to life, but I can suggest that you can make some good of the situation”. The bloke asked, “How do I do that ?” The fairy godmother replied, “Go home put the hamster in a pan and add a bag of sugar. Heat the pan up stirring well and simmer for an hour. Allow to cool, pour it onto your garden and see what happens”. The bloke did exactly as she suggested. The next day, he went into the garden and there were masses of daffodils everywhere! He ran back to the road where he’d seen the fairy godmother and she reappeared and asked the bloke how he’d got on. He said, “It’s fantastic, there are daffodils everywhere!” The fairy godmother look puzzled and said, “That’s really strange, you normally get tulips from hamster jam!.......

One of the many reasons that this build has taken years of stop-start was the amount of unusable resin that AA supplied. The most significant was the track. The 'lengths' vaguely resembled tracks along one edge, although they were cast out of register for much of their length, while the other edge was just a formless mass of aerated resin. Acquisition of a Cromwell models Mk2 gave me some track lengths and links that do in fact look like tracks but still leave me with the really exciting job of cleaning up fifty individual links that fit where they touch. Working through them a short burst at a time:- firstly cleaning up the shape and opening the voids, and now working on getting them to actually fit together. At least the lengths have required little work apart from bending to shape which I have to redo cos I got it wrong! Most of the smaller details are ready to fit but I am waiting till I sort out the tracks and the lower bazooka plates before attaching fragile details. I did have to find some spare track links. The AA and Cromwell ones were just too much hard work so I have used the Amusing Hobby ones that were left over from the Gas Turbine build. They just needed the track pin holes drilled out and some white styrene to represent the hull bracket. I have used the Cromwell crow bar, - usually I would scratch build from brass but the priority now is completion. The AA pick axe heads look good, and by fitting the helves the wrong way round I can hide the air bubbles! Could not find a sledgehammer in the parts bin, the AA one being no use, so will fudge it by only fitting the clips. While rummaging around in my box of PE and oddments I discovered the Markits railway carriage door handles that I bought for the Gas Turbine build. It occurred to me they might just be perfect for the fire handles in the side bins. Cant get a good photo but you get the idea! So its onwards and upwards. Certainly looks like I could get this one done by Christmas now!

I never thought that I would be the type of person who gets up early in the morning so they can exercise. And I was right.

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

You rarely hear the name Lance these days. In Medieval times men were called Lance a lot.

Progress! After fiddling around with various bits I decided to concentrate on the turret, which I can then box up safely while I tackle the hull. The basket that I made a year ago had only been attached to the turret by two brass pins on the bottom rail so I got the bracketry finished off and the basket securely glued in place. The only parts that needed to be made for the turret were the stops for the shell eject door. These were easily fabricated from square brass stock and inserted into holes drilled in the turret. The smoke grenade launchers and the barrel just needed to be glued in place, plus some wiring for the launchers. I can now concentrate on the hull without having to worry about damaging the turret...I have already dropped the Fire Control turret twice during the build after forgetting it was not glued in place and turning the turret over!

That one dates from the days when buses were horse drawn!! And from half a Century later when buses had conductors and standing passengers would fill the aisle.... (yes I remember it well) - The conductor shouts, "Move farther down the bus". A small boy responds with, "Thats not Father, its Uncle."

Well just eleven months after my last 'update' I have actually got some more work done on this! I have really lost the modelling mojo these days and this beast has been sitting abandoned for the third time since I started it about six years ago. I decided that if I have finally stopped modelling I should at least get this one finished as all the major work has been done, - and three Conquerors in the cabinet would look good! So I have been poking at it for the last three or so weeks, much time being spent digging through the bits and trying to work out what I had to do. So to ease myself back in I fitted the headlights! That success went to my head so I got stuck into the gun crutch. This had been in the too hard pile because of the poor casting. After trying to render the AA parts useable, I resorted to trying a mix of AA and Cromwell resin with some scratch styrene. That was not a success so I then went with the styrene parts from the Amusing Hobby kit. After some fettling they seemed to be OK although I was not happy with their accuracy. That solution came to a sudden halt when I found that the clamp portion was a bit oversize for the AA hull. So more 'mix and match' action resulted in a combination of AA and Amusing Hobby parts which will have to do 'cos they are all glued on!

Whenever my wife is upset I let her colour in my tattoos. She really appreciates a shoulder to crayon.

Know a bloke who is in love with two women. One writes beautiful poetry and the other makes the best Yorkshire puddings he has ever tasted. He can't decide if he should marry for batter or for verse?

I have just been accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

The class of 1950 gets together for their class reunion. Not many people are left, but two of the 10 people to attend were Harry, an 88 year old widower, and Esther, an 87 year old divorcee. Over the course of the evening, they had a great time chatting about old times and their families. They each felt a real connection and by the time the night was out, Harry had proposed and Esther has happily accepted. The next morning, Harry woke up and was frustrated to realize that he couldn't remember Esther's answer to his proposal. Embarrassed, he picks up the phone to call her. "Hello, Esther? I'm so sorry, but my memory isn't what it used to be. Last night, when I asked you to marry me, did you say yes or no?" "I said YES!" Esther exclaimed excitedly. "And I'm so glad that you called, because for the life of me I couldn't remember who asked!"

Two blondes were chatting about their new blokes. One says to other, “My new boyfriend’s a veterinarian”, The other one says, "Wow, did he fight in any wars.” To which the first replies, “Don't be silly, it means he doesn’t eat meat.”

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time. Some three years later, Andy was recognised as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens in the community and he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate. Then one day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, but he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So he called Andy into his office and asked him if he could do the job. To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help. "But you're an expert, Andy, and I really need your help," said the warden. "Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you .......... ....but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

So does anybody actually know what the Knights in white sat in?

I had to go to the bank this morning. As I approached the counter, the woman behind the glass suddenly started singing 'Downtown'. I thought, "That's a peculiar clerk."

I watched a street entertainer in town today who managed to contort his whole body into a small suitcase. I was so intrigued I asked him if he could teach me how to do it. He said he will try and squeeze me in tomorrow.

I like history and when I'm visiting a new town or city I like to look at places where famous people were born or lived. I once went to the house of the person who invented toothpaste but there was no plaque outside.

I asked my boss for a pay rise today. I said, "I've got three other companies after me." He said, "Oh yes, who are they then?" I replied, "Gas, electricity and water."

When I was serving my apprenticeship with NZNAC in the sixties our fleet was primarily DC-3 variants for which, even at that time, parts were becoming hard to obtain. Job lots of spares were purchased, usually from the States, and usually comprising parts manufactured during WW2 or immediately Post war to wartime contracts. The rejection rate by NAC inspectors was quite high. I specifically recall lots of wing angles - the only bit that holds the wing on - being taken to the dump due to the counterboring of the bolt holes being too deep. As these parts were available for sale it is reasonable to assume that they had passed inspection at the manufacturer and would have been used on airframes had hostilities continued. As an aside, I believe the wartime DC-3 did have a bit of a reputation for shedding wings........

A woman has a problem with her wardrobe door in the bedroom. Every time a bus passes outside the house, the door of the wardrobe would fall off. She called a repairman to try and fix the problem. The repairman arrives, and sees that indeed the door did fall off every time a bus passed by. "Okay!" said the repairman, "I'm going to step inside the wardrobe, you close the door behind me, and I'll see if I can detect what the problem is," and he gets into the wardrobe. The wife closes the door behind him. At this point the husband arrives home and hears his wife in the bedroom talking to somebody. He rushes upstairs, and opens the wardrobe door, sees the repairman, and shouts, "What the hell are you doing in there?" The repairman meekly replies, "Believe it or not, I'm waiting for the bus!"

I have been told that in the UK people cannot walk certain breeds of dog on May 31st. Its a ban collie day.

I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday. It was the least I could do.

I think I saw Michael J Fox in my local Garden Centre. Can't be 100% certain though as he had his back to the fuchsias.