Angell328

Ahhh the annual report urban myths This officer would be out of depth in a shallow puddle Men would follow him anywhere, if only out of curiosity This airman is incapable of doing two things at once, and since he HAS to breathe............. His woeful expression gives him the air of a cocker spaniel who has just recieved bad news He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope- always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere SNCO Bloggs is like a lighthouse in the desert ... Terribly bright but utterly useless Luckily I haven't received any of the above........yet..... Matt

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Almost as persistant as engineers blue!

MEK, wonderful stuff for cleaning up metal of sticky glue residue. Just so happens the back end of the Herc has many non slip patches stuck over the floor. Now through general use these tend to lose their non slip properties so they need peeling/scraping up and replacing with a new piece of sticky back sandpaper. Now as this is a thankless, time consuming job spent crawling around the back end of a herc, it was normally looked at as a duty for the unfortunants who has fallen foul of the Flt Sgts ire. For some reason it seemed that the entire shift of us young'uns had done something to upset said Flt Sgt one shift. It may have something to do with us being caught falling into the hanger one morning after a breakfast club, or the fact that one of the LDV's had got bogged upto the tailgate in an inadvised trip accros the bondu, or maybe that his bike was found hanging from the highest rafters of the hanger. Who could tell?!! It sure was a mystery to us. About half an hour into this task one of the JT's disappeared for 15 mins and came back armed with several cans of MEK, "This will shift the stuff Lads, used it the other week. Just pour it on the patch, let it soak for a few mins and it comes right up." Now he wasn't wrong, and before long half the ragged patches in the cargo bay had been liberably soaked in MEK..... .....a closed up cargo bay..... .....in a hanger.... .....by at least 5 cans..... I am sure I saw a few pink elephants scraping those patches up after about 15 mins! If it wasn't for one of the desk Sgt's wandering in to see how we were getting on I hate to think what would have happened. All I can tell you is my head felt worse 20 mins later then it had after breakfast club! The cargo bay floor was very very clean though...... Matt

Start worrying when you are still drinking at 0530, shift starts at 0700 but you aren't worried as the mess opens at 0630 and a soss sanger will easily soak up all that Ale. Flt Sgt will never notice.......

There always seems to be one like that on every section/Sqn! Always remember my old Chief saying to me, "2 things to remember lad, Always be suspicious of the first guy to great you on a new Sqn and there is always an Asrrehole on every section. If you can't spot who the bottom is, its You!" Matt Maybe this thread should be renamed Sandbag corner!

Ahhhh the Paloustes, we didn't get those until the Junior arrived, the Klassic had another fun toy. We had a GTC in a box, quite literally a K Gas Turbine Compressor in a 4 foot square box and a very basic control panel. In a similar manner to the Paloustes it was there to provide bleed air to the engines incase the GTC on the Herc decided it preferred to have a little rest. Now the GTC when fitted to the K had a few party tricks where it liked to pop and fart on start up and on a night see off you could see it coughing 6 foot flames out the side. Not a problem when you are stood with a fire bottle about 14 foot away. The fun came when you had to stand right next to this contraption encased in its little box. I am not sure whether they resented not being fitted to a herc or if it was something to do with the fact they would be neglected outside in all weathers until we had to relunctantly drag it over and use it, but they didn't like playing the game. They had a lid on the top that hinged back to reveal the exhaust and air intake, a tightly fitting cover that stopped the worst the Wiltshire weather from getting inside. Well I am sure it fitted tightly when it was built, but years of liney 'love' normally meant the bent and battered cover gave a rough approximation to a lid. Now the horror box would be dragged to the wing tip, the hose rolled out and fitted to the lovely bleed air port just to the side of the fitted GTC. We could also buddy buddy start using this panel, but those stories for another day. Once all connected up and the crew in position the Loadmaster out front would give the signal and the brave (read daft me) Liney would push the big red button marked start. There would be a whine as the starter motor did its thing and started spinning up this little box of noise. The rpm dial would start to rise and when it his a certain speed the fuel would be allowed in and the crackers would start. 5 secs, 10 secs 15 secs, still this box would sit, starter motor screaming and no ignition. Then a cough and a jump on the rpm, then another cough and a bit more on the rpm, hand hovering over the kill switch fingers crossed it would behave and kick into life in the next 15 secs or it would be time to abort and drag another box of doom over. 20 secs and then a huge cough like a 40 a day smoker first hack of the day and an almighty flame out of the exhaust, this was fairly normal until i realised it was raining flames. How does it rain flames?? Ahh that will be the half a trees worth of leaves and twigs that had been in the exhaust! Didn't dare look up for long as the rpm needle was now accelerating towards the red zone. The release of the blocked exhaust had obviously encouraged the GTC and it was ready to make up for lost time! We had been told during ground training that we should never let the needle go into the red, and then 5 secs later got told, well they always go into the red, so don't worry too much, just dont let it go too far into the red. Great how far is to far?! Well this is where little SAC me decided this is obviously the part where I go from Boy to Man. 100% still rising 105% still rising 110% still rising Come on girl catch and level out 115% still rising ok i will hit the kill switch at 120% 117% still rising my hand is starting to put a bit of pressure on the kill switch 119% still rising Then another cough a fart of flame that nearly required new coveralls and the excess fuel has been cleared. She starts to even out and creep back down to 100%. See off goes according to plan after that and back to the crew room for a well earned brew, smoke and what ever is still warm. "That Geet was a bit lively today Matt" "Yeah bit in the red, but she got there" "How far in the red she get?" "119% before she levelled" It was at this point a noticed a lot of very wide eyes from the Sooties in my company "Did you say 119%?" "Yeah, they said on training that most of them pop a bit above, so no worries eh!" "When we said a bit into the red, that bit is about 105%, surprised the old girl didn't pop out the box sideways they are only rated to 110%!" That is when I learnt to always quantify 'a bit' Needed a bit extra sugar in my tea and a second Tab after that. Matt

Ahhhh the joys of electrons wanting to be anywhere but where they should stay! On the Old Klassic herc the flight deck armour was bolted to the floor and to stanchions that fitted very nicely to the sidewalls just by the big opening circuit breaker panels. (you can probably already tell where this is going) Now I was on the flight deck doing a very stressful and onerous task of replacing a HSI or ADI, 4 brass screws that loved picking up the smallest piece of fluff to seize in the thread and a singular electrical plug, the heavies were rolling around on the floor fitting the armour and stanchions. It was a fairly warm day for Lyneham, blue skies and a wonderfully huge sun pouring its rays of happiness into the greenhouse of the Hercules flight deck, causing me to get a slight bead of sweat on my hard working brow, my mate had turned his light green overalls a nice dark shade from his efforts. In between his huffing and puffing I heard him pipe up to mucka on the otherside of the flight deck, "You know I think I might have been over doing it down the bowl the other night, everytime I start tightening the bolt up I get this horrible tightness in my chest" "It will be the fact you had about 20 tabs before breakfast I would imagine mate" came the muffled reply to my left "Naa it aint that I'm sure" Taking an interest in what possible health crisis he was having I leaned over to see what was going on in my mates little world of sweaty misery. He was leaning into the panel, one arm in, one arm out. the one inside holding a spanner against the nut, the one outside bringing a ratchet up to turn the bolt. I then discovered the cause of my mates distress. "It could also be the fact you are leaning on the essential DC Buss bar mate!" His sweat soaked coveralls allowing enough of the happy electrons a path to earth through him each time he put the ratchet to the bolt! Heavies eh? Dangerous if left unsupervised! Matt

More than welcome my good chap

If a Vulcan Liney gives it the thumbs up then job done! Very kind of you chap. Matt

There must have been a short fall of Fairies when I went to join up, I was convinced that Avionics was a much better trade for myself then Rigger.......if only I liked electronics! I much prefer hydraulics as it is much easier to find the leak, well you can find the leak from wires, just have a wet hand or follow your nose to that lovely burnt smell. Still can't get a wiff of TCP without thinking a board has burnt out somewhere. Now I get the best of both worlds being a Ground Engineer, get to swing a gert big hammer and get the AVO out, sometimes I even use them on the right way round on the correct jobs. You would be lucky to get a used tea bag out of in-flight these days, everything is down to a budget. Can't even cadge a block of dry ice for "testing temp sensors", and not for stuffing inside of pop bottles, screwing the lid on and putting under the sleeping linies chair in teabar I get the feeling I am going to have to get a much comfier sandbag to recline on here. Matt

I have this little lot that are surplus to requirements, don't think I will be building another Vulcan for a while, space is tight as it is!! If you Message me your address I shall pop them in the post for you chap, better to have to many then not enough

What a thread to come across, I shall be here for the build and the anecdotes! I can assure you the the winged master race are still as "interesting" in taxiing as they ever were, I even know one pilot who is able to 6 wheel drift a Herc. He soon got a rap round the back of the flying helmet when I told him I would be the one changing the scrubbed tyres with his assistance if he did it again Couldn't show him I was secretly a bit impressed, no good comes from encouraging them. Names, dates and places will have to be vague if I pitch in with any stories as I am still serving out my sentence, sorry tour. I popped through Canada a while ago on a route, wasn't able to Screech the two Canadian virgins in though, bit late onto chocks. Oh well next time Cheers for stirring up a few memories of mine walking the line as a spotty faced SAC! Matt

Nice to be back, fair bit of travelling this year has kept me away from the modelling desk, even though on occasion I take the modelling desk with me! Very kind of you to say, hopefully I will have a few more builds completed soon and put up on here. Matt

Many Thanks Pete, Very happy I could give you something nice to look at Matt